MP0502 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Just want to hear opinions on what other people would do in my situation, talking about it to anyone makes me feel better. Here's my situation: I'm 21, in the Army Reserve and currently deployed. I met my ex "Sarah" (honestly not sure if we are on a break or completely broken up so I use the word ex loosely) September 2013 at my buddy's college (now my college too when I get back home). I was single and she was just walking down the street and we started talking. Got her number but never really bothered to talk to her. Started dating this other girl that December until February 2014. When we broke up I started talking to Sarah a few weeks later and we ended up finally hanging out on st pattys day and went to a party. That's when we became a "thing" and started talking and hanging out every weekend and sometimes during the week. I explained to her I'm in the army and I'm set for deployment at the end of August that year. She was fine with it so she became my girlfriend and our relationship took off. We were inseparable. Everything was so perfect, we never fought, we never had shaky moments. It was unlike any other relationship I've ever had before. We both fell in love with each other deeply. Fast forward to the end of this January (2015), about 5 months/halfway through the deployment, we got in one little argument over text (the only way I can really communicate here). The first half of the deployment was perfectly fine, I mean we missed each other a lot but we went on without missing a beat. Talked everyday and continued to love each other. So the argument was about her being out at a party and not texting me back for 2.5 hours which I only got upset because she never took that long before. I mean atleast say "hey babe I'm at a party and I'm not on my phone so I'll talk to you when I can. So the next day she texts me and tells me that she needs a break. That the jealousy and lack of communication is too much. Now this threw me off because I have not been a jealous person in this relationship at all besides that one time. As for the communication, we text everyday and I can call her every now and then but she never asked me to, she was fine with texting. So I accept the break thinking she meant like a day or two just to calm down a little but after about 4 days of no talking I texted her basically saying this is enough you need to make a decision. So she texts me back 4 hours later and sends me this long heartfelt message basically saying that she is too stressed out between school and worrying about me and she misses me so much that it hurts and she loves me so much that she doesn't want to make the mistake of losing me forever but she isn't happy right now with me gone and she wants to try at a relationship again when I get home. Now she's never given me a reason to not trust her so hearing all of this was soothing instead of a definite "we're done for good" but it's got me hanging on to every word that she said and it's killing me. I wake up everyday hoping that she texted me saying she misses me and she wants to be together now. I've texted her a couple times since the split just saying hey I miss you and I'm thinking about you I love you but got nothing back. She blocked me on every social media site and now some of her friends are doing it also, no idea why though. It wasn't a bitter break up. I'm getting ready to go on leave at the end of the month which was planned out so we could hangout during her spring break but I guess that's not happening. I dont know whether to try to talk face to face with her on leave or just go with absolute NC until I get home from deployment in July. This would be so much easier if I was back home but being deployed and going through this is absolutely brutal. I've had a few long relationships before and I've never felt this way about them, like Sarah is the "one" I'm sure of it. Some days I stay positive and tell myself that our love is strong and everything will be fine when I get home but most days I feel like my life is over and this deployment single handedly ruined my life and made me lose the one thing I loved more than anything and she's never coming back. Edited February 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs~T
darkbloom Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I think you should go full NC until she reaches out to you. I dated a guy once in the army. He got deployed and I could not handle being in a relationship with someone that was actively putting their life at risk everyday. I worried about him all the time and it took a toll on my emotional health. I had to stop talking to him everyday because thinking about him hurt too much. He ended up stepping on an IED which made me feel so guilty for not talking to him.(We broke up shortly after, as he had every intention of being deployed again, even after that. I could not handle that. We remain friends though.) It sounds like she needs some space and time away from worrying. It sounds like you both really love each other and that you still have a chance to work it out when you get back officially in July. Keep your head up. Everything works out in the end.
UntilTheLastMoment Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I don't know man. I think if she were the one for you she'd stay by your side even when you're deployed. That is a sign of true love, loyalty, and strength. It must be tough for her having a bf deployed in the military, but if she isn't able to stand by you through that then I'm not sure she's worth the effort to keep around. It also seems pretty shady how it ended and now she and her friends are blocking you on social media. I'm not saying she found someone else, but it looks like she's trying to breakup with you and her guilt is stopping her from just outright saying it's over for good.
Author MP0502 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 I think you should go full NC until she reaches out to you. I dated a guy once in the army. He got deployed and I could not handle being in a relationship with someone that was actively putting their life at risk everyday. I worried about him all the time and it took a toll on my emotional health. I had to stop talking to him everyday because thinking about him hurt too much. He ended up stepping on an IED which made me feel so guilty for not talking to him.(We broke up shortly after, as he had every intention of being deployed again, even after that. I could not handle that. We remain friends though.) It sounds like she needs some space and time away from worrying. It sounds like you both really love each other and that you still have a chance to work it out when you get back officially in July. Keep your head up. Everything works out in the end. Thank you I appreciate your thoughts and sharing your experience. That's what I'll try to do, I just hope within the next 4 months she doesn't fall out of love.
Author MP0502 Posted February 23, 2015 Author Posted February 23, 2015 I don't know man. I think if she were the one for you she'd stay by your side even when you're deployed. That is a sign of true love, loyalty, and strength. It must be tough for her having a bf deployed in the military, but if she isn't able to stand by you through that then I'm not sure she's worth the effort to keep around. It also seems pretty shady how it ended and now she and her friends are blocking you on social media. I'm not saying she found someone else, but it looks like she's trying to breakup with you and her guilt is stopping her from just outright saying it's over for good. That's what I thought too but then I put myself in her shoes and this is pretty much her first long relationship and we're both 21 so I've been trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, like maybe she was confused and picked the wrong thing to do or maybe she just really needed some time away but really does love me still. She's never been the type of person to beat around the bush, I think if she found someone else she would've told me honestly. I appreciate your input though.
Hija77 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 If she's blocking you on social media, I'd take the hint and disappear. I know you're still wondering about whether or not you've officially broken up. The fact that she's cyber erasing you is the answer to that question. Go NC. Don't make any plans to see her in July. Harboring hope for that long is NOT helpful. Chances are you'll end up kicking yourself for not trying to get over things sooner. That's my 2 cents. Take what you want and leave the rest. Good luck!!
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