lily850 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 A couple of months ago my husband and i separated. During this time i had met another guy that i started to have feelings for. The timing wasn't the best, but i really liked him and we continued to talk. He sent many mixed messages that had me confused, especially in my current state with feeling lots of emotions from the separation. I was so very relieved when my husband and i split as i had been unhappy for so long, but moving out and everything was still not easy. We continued to talk for a while, and this guy seemed very interested in me. I started to feel like he could offer me everything i had lacked with my husband for so long. After a few dates, he started acting very distant and told me he had no interest in a relationship and just wanted to be friends. He said he found me attractive, wouldn’t mind being physical, enjoyed my company, and really liked me as a friend and wanted to continue our friendship. Another thing that confused me after saying all this is he would get jealous of other guy friends i had which i never really understood. After thinking that this guy was just after a fwb and confiding in a male friend of mine about this guy and how i felt confused of his behavior if he only wanted to be friends (flirting still, complimenting me, getting jealous over other guys), he told me the only real way i would know if he had any feelings about me and was for some strange reason lying to himself (although doubtful), or wanting to know if he really was just using friendship with me as a way to sleep with me, the best thing would be distance myself to see what his real feelings were. On Monday he sent me some messages through Facebook messenger (this is how we usually communicate), and i read them but never responded. This was in the morning (i would say around 11am). It got to about midnight and i just happened to update my status, and he just messaged me going into one. He said i was being rude and clearly was ignoring him and he said i was being a d*** to him. He then said this means we are done so goodbye, and with that he defriended me. I couldn’t actually believe he got that mad about me not replying to him, especially as he has gone a whole weekend before not saying anything. I sent him a message saying “are you actually serious?” and he came back just saying he was just over my randomness. Being the idiot i am i continued to talk to him through messenger and told him i was sorry that he felt i was purposely ignoring him. I told him i was just sick of him telling me he didn’t want a romantic relationship with me, but he constantly complimented me on how perfect i was as a girl, flirting with me, even at one point listing all the things he loved about me. I just thought to myself friends need to set some boundaries, and doing all those things is not right. I said to him “would you be interested in fwb?” to which he replied “hell yeah.” With that i just decided that is all he wanted after insisting it wasn’t for so long, and constantly playing games and with my emotions for months and i couldn’t be bothered with at all anymore, so i blocked him. I was pretty surprised he just admitted it like that. Maybe he thought i was asking as that is what i wanted. My guy friend told me he guaranteed because i just blocked him without an explanation he would contact me some other way to ask what happened, and he sort of did. He text me saying “Oh you blocked me, and you tricked me into saying i wanted a fwb to confirm to yourself i wasn’t a very nice person, i didn’t know you were capable of being so deceitful.” I ignored it and never replied. My guy friend told me he thought that he was basically just telling me i tricked myself into believing that was what he wanted but it wasn’t, and that i probably wouldn’t hear from him ever again. 4 hours later, i got a text message that said “babe.” I ignored that too and then there was a day of silence. I was convinced he had given up only to get a message Thursday morning that said “are you still not talking to me?” Do you think i am doing the right thing not responding to these messages? This guy played with my emotions which isn’t really what friends do to friends. He told me he had no desire for a romantic relationship with me because he didn’t think we were each others types. We know he wouldn’t have minded sleeping with me, but i basically figured out his intentions and blocked him basically revealing to him that i would never do that and didn’t want to talk. I really did fall hard for this guy. I am not sure if it was because he was the first guy that i liked after my marriage failed, but i do not know why continued to reach out. It is so hard not to respond back either. I am wondering if the last text was confirmation to himself that i was really gone and he won't try again? I just feel totally gutted. I thought this guy could have possibly been the one for me after my bad marriage, only for it to end badly too.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Wow, was the same day and he gave you attitude? He sounds like a needy little bitch. You didn't do anything wrong - he probably got the "Seen" receipt from you looking at it earlier and saw you online and freaked out. Sometimes I don't respond right away either. Usually because I'm busy and/or don't know what to reply with at that moment.
Author lily850 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Yeah, and then all the other stuff that has happened since. Not sure why he was texting me after everything.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 If he blows up on you out of the blue like that you should just cease contact. I don't think you did anything wrong. In the first incident if he said something like "Hey, you there ? " it would have been more appropriate (albeit needy of him). Cut this one loose IMHO.
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 When a guy says that he is not at all interested in a romantic relationship with you, believe him. He means it. He said " you weren't each others types" as his reasoning as to why he did not want to date you seriously. That is it. After he said they, you should have bailed. You knew right then and there that you were on two different pages! You had feelings and wanted to pursue a romantic type of relationship; he didn't want that. He spelt it ou! He said " friends with benefits' very clearly if you read properly - he said friendship and he didn't mind the idea of being physical. When a guy shuts you down when you suggest dating or a romantic type of relationship, it should come as no surprise when he jumps on the chance to have sex with you. They are men. Most do have sex drives and urges. 2
Author lily850 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 I get all that now obviously, but when a girl blocks you and is basically saying i don't want that, why keep texting?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I get all that now obviously, but when a girl blocks you and is basically saying i don't want that, why keep texting? Because his ego is bruised, and because he's trying to keep the FWB door open. You were right to close the chapter on this. 1
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Run away right now. He is grooming you for a very abusive relationship in which he gets everything he wants and you get nothing. It will make your marriage look postively amazing. Block all contact from this guy. 3
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) I get all that now obviously, but when a girl blocks you and is basically saying i don't want that, why keep texting? Because he wants you to disbelieve what he has told you and agree to have sex with him. This is classic red pill stuff, groom the woman with lots of attention that she is starved of. Lay down the law about the kind of relationship he wants. When you walk away he will try and draw you back in knowing that you are harbouring hopes that he will change his mind. Use you because you've basically agreed to it. He told you, you didn't listen. And continue to groom other women on the side. Find a red pill forum and spend an evening reading it. It will educate you about this and also help you understand why you don't give these guys the time of day. He sensed your emotional vulnerability (if you are recently separated it is probably oozing out of your pores), read what is was you wanted the most/lacked in your marriage and proceeded to give it to you. The dead giveaway with these guys is the early display of dominance...him blowing up at you and blaming it all on you. You were his perfect girl remember, his everything and now look! You've ruined everything, you're so horrible etc. It's all part of a conditioning to get you to both want him and fear his disapproval of you. The litmus test is this....if someone oversteps your boundaries rather than respects them, thats not a sign of interest or love. It's a sign of aggression. A respectful person will hear what you say and act accordingly. You've been married for a long time, your guard is down and you are very vulnerable. The predators will grativate towards you. Edited February 22, 2015 by Buddhist 2
GemmaUK Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Wierdo alert! Run and don't look back. These are classic early signs of an abusive man. Block him on your phone if you are able to do that. 1
preraph Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Just block him. Now you know what he wants. More importantly, you didn't have a very good rapport with him. It wouldn't have lasted even if he wanted a relationship. It shouldn't be that hard. It's probably just too soon for you. Relax, block him, take your time finding another man.
Adele0908 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Very interesting story. What traits about him were you attracted to? How is he different from your husband? I believe that we meet people in life for a reason. People reflect back to you who you are being. What I see is that you are in a state of emotional turmoil and unresolved feelings. So because "like attracts like", then it is safe to assume that he is also in a chaotic state internally. Do you carry feelings of guilt or shame? It's important for you to be in touch with your emotions. When you are feeling guilt, shame, sadness, loneliness and other negative emotions, it affects your vibration/aura. You start to attract things that are at the same vibration/aura. Another thing is, you need to ask yourself if you were using this guy to feel better or hoping to find some relief from your pain in this new relationship. Ask yourself why that would be a bad idea for anyone. In short, I think you should look inward. Don't be a victim. Take control. What kind of man do you want? What kind of relationship do you want? How can you become the woman that your dream man wants? What do you want right now? Get in touch with you, and love you. Nobody out there can love you and respect you more than you love and respect yourself. An act of self love could be just going no contact on this guy and moving forward. 1
travelbug1996 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 You are too new out of your marriage to be getting attached to another man. You are probably really vulnerable after the failure of your marriage. Take some time for yourself to find out what went wrong with the marriage and how you can be a better person. It sounds like you have some boundary issues with men. For example you know he just wants sex but you're questioning your decision to block him. He was ready to cross the line with no regard to what you wanted. Trust me you did the right thing by blocking him. Be careful of getting attached to men. Most of them have no clue what it is they want.
irresolute Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 He probably has some feelings for you, he likes you and all. I'd say, before you block him or ignore him , just give him an explanation on why are you acting like this. Believe me, you'll feel guilty for blocking him later on, and you'll probably get back to him. Just be honest, and tell him you really like him and that this situation is hurting you, that for this reason you prefer to take some distance and that you'll block him. Dating really sucks.
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