neildc Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Greetings to all, First of all, I just wanted to thank those that take the time to read this. I appreciate it very much, nice to know there are others out there willing to listen and discuss. I was in a relationship with a woman for almost 5 years and we have been apart for approximately 6 months now. Without getting into specifics, I was the one that broke it off because of issues we had seeing each other (or lack thereof). I know it wasn't her choice, her family would 'punish' her by not allowing her out or having people over, etc. They had that control unfortunately over her because she was a single mother. Regardless, we went about a month solid prior to the break up where we weren't able to see much of each other. We both loved one another, and as far as us as a couple, we were great. Looking back, I know I made a rash decision to break it off with someone who I loved for something as ridiculous as not seeing each other as much. Especially when it was not in her control. I got the impression at the time that she was indifferent about it all. I had vocalized how it upset me that we weren't able to see each other as often as we had been. She's always been a quiet one though and had difficulty communicating her thoughts (probably because she's had the family controlling her entire life). I was emotional and forgot the fact she has always been this way when it came to communicating. Regardless, I know as a man I should have gotten serious and asked her to marry me and/or move out with me. I did see myself with her like that, I just didn't know how it would all work and didn't know if I was ready to settle down like that just yet (but that I would one day). I felt like I was being forced into the decision and along with me being upset, made what I believe is now the wrong decision to break up. The idea of leaving someone I loved so much was so hard that I don't think I ever even said the words, 'break up.' It was more of a, 'I can't deal with this anymore.' As I said, we were fine, loved being with each other...the situation was the problem. I now also realize I didn't provide a solution to the problem, I just complained about how it affected me. This was selfish, I get it. This woman was dedicated to me and told me many times that she wanted to marry me, have a child one day, and spend the rest of her life with me. We maintained contact very regularly after the break up, said that we loved one another, sent kisses, almost like nothing had changed and even met a couple of times. I guess us staying in contact was a crutch for me and I still felt like we were together (stupid, I know). Regardless, after the third time we met up (about three months after the break), I began to realize this was wrong and that I truly missed her and our relationship together. I fully recognized at this point that I overreacted and made an emotional decision instead of the logical one (to man up and take care of someone I love rather than run). She never directly asked me to get back together after the break up, but that's who she was. She didn't communicate feelings well. I now know that she was probably hurting a TON but never said anything to me. I didn't think I was ready to settle down, but being apart from her has only shown me that I am willing to make that type of commitment (because she is worth it, not simply because I miss her). Regardless, I indirectly made references to getting back together a few times after that. Finally, I just directly asked her for forgiveness, admitted my mistake, and asked to reconcile. She told me that she had wanted nothing more than that after we first broke up, but that after a couple of months she had given up on waiting. She told me how much she loved me and that she had never wanted someone as much as she wanted me, but she couldn't go through that kind of heart break again and didn't see us getting back together. I of course had a mea culpa, promised never to hurt her again, that I was ready to get really serious, etc. I admittedly probably came across as desperate or whatever and made just about every mistake these 'getting your ex back' articles state NOT to make. I know it was the wrong course of action, but I really wanted a chance to show her that while I may have messed up by leaving, I wanted to take care of her and make things right again and go forward and be successful together. As I mentioned, I went into full pathetic mode. I emailed her several times, and even mailed her a letter. She was nice in her initial response after I directly asked her about getting back together, but shut me out since. She's told me that she doesn't want to speak or see me anymore and not to contact her and let her go. I know I came on strong, believe me. I just wish she had shut me out after we initially broke up. Staying in contact shielded me from the pain of breaking up and I didn't realize how much she meant to me until she was truly GONE. If she had broke contact after we broke up, I would have been asking her back within a week. It's been about three weeks since I've had any interaction from her but I still find myself thinking about her and wanting her back. I tried contacting her about once a week via email for about a month. Again, I know...stupid. I'm sure every idiot says it, but I do feel like I have changed and grown up and just want an opportunity to show her that I am ready to fully commit to being together. I'm just saddened that I may never get that chance. I suppose the answer to what I should do is what she said to me - don't contact her and let her go. I just really miss and love her and honestly feel like I may have made the biggest mistake of my life letting her go for something so trivial. I realize I broke her heart (she said this to me) and I don't expect sympathy. I'd probably feel the same way if someone left me as well as I did. I very much regret that we never even had a serious conversation about taking the next steps together (moving out, etc). We both avoided that conversation because everything was good between us, so why rock the boat I suppose. I'm not sure. I just wish she would speak to me and just give me the opportunity to show her that I am not simply just saying these things. I want to show her with meaningful actions. I was a mess the first week she stopped talking to me, but I am slowly accepting the fact that she may never speak to me again or ever want me back. It just hurts and sucks (for lack of a better word). I know I broke it off, but it's amazing how I now feel like I've been dumped. I don't know how to process a lot of this and I am tired of reading basically the same how to get over your ex articles online. I'd much rather prefer hearing from real folks like you. Feel free to comment or respond in any fashion you may see fit, I am open to hearing all opinions and experiences. Thanks again for reading. Neil Edited February 22, 2015 by neildc
mightycpa Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I suppose the answer to what I should do is what she said to me - don't contact her and let her go. Neil, you suppose right. A lot more harm can come to you if you pester a single mother. Live and learn.
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