Tulipp Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 So I met this guy 1 month ago and we have been talking ever since then.But, here's the thing,I'm always the one to text first.And when I do we have the most amazing convos.We text for hours straight,he flirts,as do I,and we get along really well.He's texted first maybe three times.I don't text him everyday, maybe at first but then it went to every other day and I didn't text for 2 weeks and even then he didn't text first. And when I did text after that 2 weeks he was totally cool and we had a a good/long conversation. I have even asked if I annoyed him cause I was always the first to text first and he replied with "Not at all:)" then continued on to ask how my day was. Do some guys just not like to text first? Should I keep texting him first? Link to post Share on other sites
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Depends how long you're waiting. If you have a first date and text a guy back the second you get home - yeah you're always going to be first lol. Some people just don't like texting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Are you hoping he'll ask you out? Because to me, if you are not dating but just talking, he may not initiate because he isn't planning on asking you out but is friendly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I would ask him out if I were you, because judging by his behavior, he's never going to initiate. If he demurs, then you have your answer, and you can stop talking to him. If he agrees, and you meet and you both like each other, make sure he understands that you'd appreciate it if he were to initiate contact with you once in a while. Sometimes it's a sign that a guy's not interested, and sometimes they're just clueless. If, after you've expressed your preferences, he still doesn't initiate, then you cut ties. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tulipp Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 I would ask him out if I were you, because judging by his behavior, he's never going to initiate. If he demurs, then you have your answer, and you can stop talking to him. If he agrees, and you meet and you both like each other, make sure he understands that you'd appreciate it if he were to initiate contact with you once in a while. Sometimes it's a sign that a guy's not interested, and sometimes they're just clueless. If, after you've expressed your preferences, he still doesn't initiate, then you cut ties. Thank you so much I will be sure to do that and hopefully all goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You're acting desperate. When a guy doesn't reach out to you for a week or more - he just isn't that into you. Yeah he could be busy but many very busy people make time for those who are on our minds a lot. When a man is into you he texts first if you don't text him first - and yes, you do have to text them first some of the time, or else the man will face the same dilemma in that he will think " well, I feel like if I stopped texting her, she would never text/talk to me again" All the men who have been truly interested in me took the initiative at first though- after our first date they texted me after to say they had a great time and are looking forward to seeing me again. The next morning they would say "good morning gorgeous" or if they weren't a fan of the good morning texts straight away or at all, they would ALWAYS text me in the afternoon or night..... Or better still, they would call me. I have never had a man who was actually into me, go days without texting me if I failed to text them first. I tried it. I tried to always let a certain man text me first - I tried it with two or three men to see if they WOULD still text me, or whether they would give up without even asking " what is up, why have you stopped texting". I wanted them to like me enough to make the effort to find out where I have been. All three men DID still reach out each and every day EVEN when I DID NOT text them first! Two of them told me " hey, listen, I have at times, waited until you texted me first as I felt our union was a little one sided". The other guy didn't care. He just didn't think about it. I didn't text him first for the first two months - be would wait until night to text me some of the time. But he'd always reach out despite me never doing so in the beginning stages of dating... Trust me, I have dated a lot of guys - the ones who really feel you and who are super keen to get to know you better, don't just give up and stop texting you if YOU never text them first. They either ask you " hey what is up with the texting, you always wait for me, are you interested in me or what?" Or they don't notice and continue to text you first - since you never do. Stop wasting your time with men who just aren't that into you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I would ask him out if I were you, because judging by his behavior, he's never going to initiate. If he demurs, then you have your answer, and you can stop talking to him. If he agrees, and you meet and you both like each other, make sure he understands that you'd appreciate it if he were to initiate contact with you once in a while. Sometimes it's a sign that a guy's not interested, and sometimes they're just clueless. If, after you've expressed your preferences, he still doesn't initiate, then you cut ties. Even the most inexperienced shy guys I have met, have not just left it for weeks when they were keen on me! They initiated messages daily. They didn't let weeks go by simply because I went quite. Don't encourage people to go after guys that are lukewarm about them... most people can do better than that, and if not they should better themselves so they can find a person who is blown away by them opposed to having to make effort on men/women who can take or leave them. Link to post Share on other sites
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Haha.. No one likes a needy texter I think.. But yeah should always respond within 24 hours no matter what IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Even the most inexperienced shy guys I have met, have not just left it for weeks when they were keen on me! They initiated messages daily. They didn't let weeks go by simply because I went quite. Don't encourage people to go after guys that are lukewarm about them... most people can do better than that, and if not they should better themselves so they can find a person who is blown away by them opposed to having to make effort on men/women who can take or leave them. Leigh, no offense, but I'm fully aware of your thoughts on how interested men are supposed to behave. However, I'm not telling OP to chase after this man. I'm simply saying that the easiest way to weed anyone out is to state your own needs/wants/preferences (in this case, "hey, initiate more"), and see what happens. If he does, she has something to work with. If not, she moves on. Easy-peasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Leigh, no offense, but I'm fully aware of your thoughts on how interested men are supposed to behave. However, I'm not telling OP to chase after this man. I'm simply saying that the easiest way to weed anyone out is to state your own needs/wants/preferences (in this case, "hey, initiate more"), and see what happens. If he does, she has something to work with. If not, she moves on. Easy-peasy. Yeah, and many people do start out really into their partners. It does not have to be a case of " well, they are nice enough, they don't exactly knock my socks off but hey, they are super nice and they are cute so why not" If he takes her up on her offer, (if she takes the lead and asks HIM out), he will only ever say "yes" if he has no better prospects and he has nothing better to do. It will never be a great love story - he was lukewarm from day one or else he wouldn't have let two weeks pass with no contact. When a man wants something badly he goes after it, even socially retarded or introverted types! They may not be BLATANT, but they reach out! They text most days! Why even bother with a guy who is lukewarm about you? I don't get the appeal unless the OP wants a relationship so badly and is of an age where having kids and all that jazz is passing her by. I recently had a shy new doctor, a very young chap, who has no relationship experience whatsoever and was introverted. I think he may have been a virgin. He was about as inexperienced and shy as you can get!He would send me messages on facebook. He was not bold enough to outright ask me out on a date - but he kept in touch, he asked me out for dinner, he made the effort to see me again. We decided to be friends. I was never romantically into him. Now he/I don't text every day at all. I had a guy travelling overseas and partying every night, still found the time to get to wi fi and send me a facebook message most days! And we only met once! Yet he was really interested in pursuing something with me when he returned from his travels. When a guy is interested, he doesn't lose contact with you for weeks or even for days at a time! When a guy is lukewarm, he will text you back when you text him and he will agree to go on a date; but he will never put fourth the effort on "that level" of that of a guy who is really into you. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 So I met this guy 1 month ago and we have been talking ever since then.But, here's the thing,I'm always the one to text first.And when I do we have the most amazing convos.We text for hours straight,he flirts,as do I,and we get along really well.He's texted first maybe three times.I don't text him everyday, maybe at first but then it went to every other day and I didn't text for 2 weeks and even then he didn't text first. And when I did text after that 2 weeks he was totally cool and we had a a good/long conversation. I have even asked if I annoyed him cause I was always the first to text first and he replied with "Not at all:)" then continued on to ask how my day was. Do some guys just not like to text first? Should I keep texting him first? Do you ever go out...like on dates? Have you ever met him....in person? Or do you just text occasionally? I am not understanding your relationship.... can you clarify? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tulipp Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Do you ever go out...like on dates? Have you ever met him....in person? Or do you just text occasionally? I am not understanding your relationship.... can you clarify? We met at his job 1 month ago. I've seen him in person twice (not a date) but at his work. Got to talking and he asked for my number and that day is when we started texting. Edited February 22, 2015 by Tulipp Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You'd better stop texting so much, you're going to have nothing to say to each other when you do get together. Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Heaven forbid us men are dealing with some other issues in our lives, where we could be interested in a woman but may not have the time to dedicate into a relationship right at the very moment. Because you know, it's impossible for us to stay connected with someone and NOT ask them out right away, since we have no control over our testosterone and only think with our d!ck. Oh and LOL on the it will never be a great love story, this isn't a Disneyland fairy tale. I second the just be direct and say what you want / are interested in. I never understood this fear of somehow you are going to be losing power in a relationship by being honest, so you have to be discrete / make someone chase you so you have the upper hand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) I have to agree with Leigh here...if a man is truly into a girl...he is not gonna let two weeks go by with no contact...no way. Interested people ACT interested....and no matter how busy they are, they make time to reach out...they don't ignore you for two weeks...that's a no brainer. Not to mention, if he were into her, HE would have asked her out. I mean the way SHE has been initiating all their communications, the guy would have to be a complete moron not to know how into him SHE is! Sure the OP could ask him out....and he will probably accept too...I mean in his mind, why not? He may think to himself, here is a chick who is obviously interested in me....maybe I will even get lucky? What else do I have going on? Nothing...so why not. Ugh. As Leigh said, he is lukewarm at best. Not exactly the makings of a great love story... which we should all strive for! Albeit difficult to achieve. OP if it were me, I would move on from this one... Edited February 22, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Heaven forbid us men are dealing with some other issues in our lives, where we could be interested in a woman but may not have the time to dedicate into a relationship right at the very moment. Because you know, it's impossible for us to stay connected with someone and NOT ask them out right away, since we have no control over our testosterone and only think with our d!ck. Oh and LOL on the it will never be a great love story, this isn't a Disneyland fairy tale. I second the just be direct and say what you want / are interested in. I never understood this fear of somehow you are going to be losing power in a relationship by being honest, so you have to be discrete / make someone chase you so you have the upper hand. contact ... this has nothing to do with "power"....and everything to do with choosing wisely...so as to avoid having our hearts ripped into itty bitty shreds... by pursuing a guy we are crazy about....but who feels lukewarm about us...at best. As I said...interested people act interested. This guy is not...clearly. No she shouldn't pursue him by asking him out. Not unless she's up for getting her heart broken.... Yes dating is a risk...and well worth that risk in many cases. But we need to exercise some common sense too. And when deciding what to do about a guy who clearly knows how interested we are ..but isn't asking us out, and who flat out ignores us if we don't initiate first..for weeks at a time....it's best to decide to move on....IMO. Be smart and choose wisely and we'd all be a lot happier in our relationships. And that goes for both men and women. Edited February 22, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I'm sorry, getting a broken heart? There hasn't even been a first date yet, how it her approaching him and getting rejected going to break her heart? If there were the case, the person is WAY too invested WAY too quickly without even really having gotten to know the person. My post is more in regards to the absurdly silly notion that if a guy doesn't ask you out right away or in a certain time frame, the relationship is automatically doomed. Is it likely that he may not be interested? Could be, but we don't know for sure. That is why when you are direct about your intentions / desires, you can find out more quickly if there is any possibly or not. But yet there are some females that feel they should never pursue, because it makes them look "easy", or "desperate" , or it "gives the guy the upper hand", or "it won't be a great love story", or "any other BS excuse you can come up with" This is exactly what makes dating so hard for a lot of people. They are too scared to be direct and would rather be guarded, leave hints, try to over-analyze things, and just ponder. And this applies to both males and females. Why waste time wondering when you can just ask? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I'm sorry, getting a broken heart? There hasn't even been a first date yet, how it her approaching him and getting rejected going to break her heart? If there were the case, the person is WAY too invested WAY too quickly without even really having gotten to know the person. My post is more in regards to the absurdly silly notion that if a guy doesn't ask you out right away or in a certain time frame, the relationship is automatically doomed. Is it likely that he may not be interested? Could be, but we don't know for sure. That is why when you are direct about your intentions / desires, you can find out more quickly if there is any possibly or not. But yet there are some females that feel they should never pursue, because it makes them look "easy", or "desperate" , or it "gives the guy the upper hand", or "it won't be a great love story", or "any other BS excuse you can come up with" This is exactly what makes dating so hard for a lot of people. They are too scared to be direct and would rather be guarded, leave hints, try to over-analyze things, and just ponder. And this applies to both males and females. Why waste time wondering when you can just ask? You know what...you're right my bad. She should ask him out...and gauge the chemistry and how well they connect (or don't connect) while on the date..in person. Texting is bull crap and often very misleading anyway.... and who knows, even if he is lukewarm now..maybe while out with her...in person....cupid's arrow will strike them both.. Nothing ventured nothing gained.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You know what...you're right my bad. She should ask him out...and gauge the chemistry and how well they connect (or don't connect) while on the date..in person. Texting is bull crap and often very misleading anyway.... and who knows, even if he is lukewarm now..maybe while out with her...in person....cupid's arrow will strike them both.. Nothing ventured nothing gained.... No worries and I can safely agree that texting is horrible. I'm so glad I don't have an iphone, with the feature of being able to see if someone saw your message. You can't even imagine how many times I hear people (both genders) complain about not getting a response when their text had been read. I'll gladly just keep my android and just let them wonder if I even saw the text Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Heaven forbid us men are dealing with some other issues in our lives, where we could be interested in a woman but may not have the time to dedicate into a relationship right at the very moment. Because you know, it's impossible for us to stay connected with someone and NOT ask them out right away, since we have no control over our testosterone and only think with our d!ck. Oh and LOL on the it will never be a great love story, this isn't a Disneyland fairy tale. I second the just be direct and say what you want / are interested in. I never understood this fear of somehow you are going to be losing power in a relationship by being honest, so you have to be discrete / make someone chase you so you have the upper hand. Actually, if you're willing to wait for a few years, many people DO find a person who knocks their socks off, where the chemistry is off the charts and well, where BOTH people are just REALLY Into each other from the get go, without having to be so lukewarm to begin with! Issues hey? That is funny. My ex ex lost his mother. He said the first person he thought to talk to was his ex at the time - who was overseas at the time. They were together two or three months. During the most trying time of his life, all he wanted was to see her name come up in his inbox. As I said - I have had a man who was travelling the world and partying every day, who still found the time to message me on facebook nearly every day! After meeting me just once! Because he wanted to start dating me upon his return! My recent ex who I have not wrote about on here was to dedicated to me that he worked 6 days a week AND studied AND he still found the time to text me ALL the time, telling me how much he missed me and wanted to see me again soon. Great love stories where two people are crazy about each other - they do not start out like the OP's guy. They just don't. By all means - settle for mediocrity and text this guy and ask him out! If he has nothing better to do he will hang out with you. He won't be super excited to see you and he won't feel compelled to take you out and treat you to a lovely dinner out, but hey, he might agree to see you if he is bored and you might even "grow" on him. If that is what you want. Do you want to ask him out, have him say yes sure, in the hope that you can "grow" on him over time until he decided " well, she is super nice and cute, I will give this a go"? Personally, I prefer men who cannot wait to hear from me and I like being on their mind so much that they just cannot go weeks without texting. Only guys with some sort of a problem would happily go weeks without reaching out to a girl they were excited about meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 So I met this guy 1 month ago and we have been talking ever since then.But, here's the thing,I'm always the one to text first.And when I do we have the most amazing convos.We text for hours straight,he flirts,as do I,and we get along really well.He's texted first maybe three times.I don't text him everyday, maybe at first but then it went to every other day and I didn't text for 2 weeks and even then he didn't text first. And when I did text after that 2 weeks he was totally cool and we had a a good/long conversation. I have even asked if I annoyed him cause I was always the first to text first and he replied with "Not at all:)" then continued on to ask how my day was. Do some guys just not like to text first? Should I keep texting him first? Personally, I would not continue texting him. It seems as though you're a convenience for him where if you text he has no issues responding or talking to you, because it's something to do, but he doesn't miss you or want to text you when you don't text him first. If you always text first and if for two weeks he doesn't initiate one text, he is not that into you more than likely. I prefer a man to take the lead initially but I always reciprocate if I like him and will initiate contact too so he doesn't think I am uninterested. If I go two weeks without texting or reaching out, I'm not that into you. I may like you well enough and if you text or call I will answer and have a great convo but there is no feeling of missing you or wanting to talk to you when you're not around, which is a sign that the person isn't all that into you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 You'd better stop texting so much, you're going to have nothing to say to each other when you do get together. This has never made any sense to me, as though people have finite thoughts and can use them up. Like you only have 100 thoughts or pre-set conversations in your head stored away and cannot veer from them and if you text too much you use them up and will have nothing to say :laugh: Very bizarre. I talk everyday and talk to some of the same people everyday and type on LS almost everyday and still have new thoughts, ideas and things to say. New things happen to me everyday and I have a vast array of thoughts and feelings and would NEVER want to be with a man who felt he could possibly use up all his conversation topics by texting too much lmao:lmao:. If that was the case no one should marry or even be in relationships or friendships or if you are just allot a certain amount of conversations a week so you don't "run out" of them. No offense, but this is nonsense. Unless you are particularly boring and again only have like 10 things you can talk about, texting or talking to someone a lot won't have you running out of new things to say. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I would lay off the texting. Remember that texting is the same as a phone call even though you are doing it in a different medium. And if you are the one who is always sending them then you're just talking and showing him that you are interested in him rather than the other way around. You said you broke off the texting for two weeks, you sent, then he responded. Has he ever once texted you? I'm guessing not. I bet one day he will just not respond anymore. And get ready for the fact that if you ask him out via text he's going to reject you. It happened to me recently. Back off now. If he's interested he will text you. If he's not, then he's not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Badass Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 This is not a bad thing to text him. If you enjoy the conversations i think it worth to text him right? A few months ago I read a case study that relates to your question: " In heterosexual relationships, women who text more frequently tend to feel happier in their relationships, and their partners do as well (Schade et al., 2013). Interestingly, though, the more men text with a partner, the less happy they tend to be, the less happy their romantic partners tend to be, and the more their partners tend to report considering breaking-up with them (Schade et al., 2013). " So,if you feel good about this,it might not be a real problem if you text him first:laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I agree, if the guy likes you he WILL reach out right away. Link to post Share on other sites
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