Author minimariah Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 That was your opinion. it's not an opinion. fantastic sex is a fantastic sex, you know it when you have it. especially when you're living a little... well, kinkier lifestyle than most. I had amazing sex with my ex H during my affair as it fuelled my opinion that I was indeed very attractive. It didn't last more than a year though and I felt bad later. me and my xH had an amazing sex from the beginning of our relationship, it never really changed. we always had a strong attraction & chemistry - we failed when it came to connecting emotionally. so we never had just one year of amazing sex - it was always there. & yes, it is absolutely possible for spouses to have an amazing sex even when one of them (or both) is having an affair. I have to question the logic of BS who say their sex life was amazing during the affair. i don't understand. what is there to question? what logic is there to question? i mean... fantastic sex is a fantastic sex. if you pay attention, you'll know if your partner is enjoying you. you really can't NOT know that. not for longer periods of time, come on. LOL. Really doesn't it make you sick? again - i don't understand. why should it make me sick? because my then partner was having sex with another woman at the same time? if it doesn't bother the OW, why should it bother the BS? it doesn't make me sick that he had sex with both of us at the same time - it didn't make the actual sex less enjoyable, passionate. so there is that.
Author minimariah Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 I think what happened with me was that as an OW years into the affair I wanted him to leave and made him miserable by crying when he left me. So he thought that he should give his marriage a go being as I was a miserable Bitch now. However nobody's happy... He didn't make any change except to tell BS he wasn't seeing me.... can you explain this part? he left you because he couldn't handle the pressure? are you still in the affair?
Selfish Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 That was your opinion. I had amazing sex with my ex H during my affair as it fuelled my opinion that I was indeed very attractive. It didn't last more than a year though and I felt bad later. Didn't tell him that. I have to question the logic of BS who say their sex life was amazing during the affair. Really doesn't it make you sick? It usually does, yes. They are absolutely destoyed when they find out that all those intimate moments were cheapened by the ws out getting dirty with someone else. They wonder if they were being compared to the AP during sex. They compare themselves. They wonder how the WS could look them in the eyes while being intimate. They wonder if their spouse imagined (and still imagines) the AP instead of them. They have a whole load of crap to work through. Whether the marriage was good or bad they did not deserve to be stabbed in the back. Affairs are cowerdly of the WS if it is an exit affair (if cake eating it is greedy) and cruel. No one should have to be a victim of it and yet so many are. 1
Casa Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) It usually does, yes. They are absolutely destoyed when they find out that all those intimate moments were cheapened by the ws out getting dirty with someone else. They wonder if they were being compared to the AP during sex. They compare themselves. They wonder how the WS could look them in the eyes while being intimate. They wonder if their spouse imagined (and still imagines) the AP instead of them. They have a whole load of crap to work through. Whether the marriage was good or bad they did not deserve to be stabbed in the back. Affairs are cowerdly of the WS if it is an exit affair (if cake eating it is greedy) and cruel. No one should have to be a victim of it and yet so many are. Yes I am completely sad for BS in that respect. History must get rewritten. And amazing sex is how you feel about yourself or how someone makes you feel... Not What they do to you. I'm sure my ex thought it was amazing and I feel really bad that I enjoyed it but secretly cried later as I was so confused. But ultimately I realised that's what it was with my ex H for me it was... Sex not love. It was probably why I cried as I loved mm. Edited February 25, 2015 by Casa
Author minimariah Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 And amazing sex is how you feel about yourself or how someone makes you feel... Not What they do to you. I'm sure my ex thought it was amazing and I feel really bad that I enjoyed it but secretly cried later as I was so confused. no, amazing sex is pure passion & it's definitely not one - sided. it's about feeling and KNOWING that BOTH of you are enjoying it. it's about passion and passion doesn't have to be related to love or deeper emotions (it's definitely better when it is, of course). i mean... you know when your partner wants you, when your partner craves you, you can feel it when someone can't take their eyes or hands off of you, you know when you're wanted, you can feel it in the way they're kissing and touching you and moaning YOUR name... that's what amazing sex feels like. when you're both enjoying it together & you can't fake something like that every single day for a decade. that's why i was able to discover my H's EA very early - he could never hide from me when it was just me and him in those blissful moments. and you definitely didn't have that with your xH. your definition of amazing sex is a lot different from mine - probably because you can't experience passion without being in love with that person & because to you amazing sex cannot be amazing without being in love. we all have our definitions of both sex and love, after all.
Confused48 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 That was your opinion. I had amazing sex with my ex H during my affair as it fuelled my opinion that I was indeed very attractive. It didn't last more than a year though and I felt bad later. Didn't tell him that. I have to question the logic of BS who say their sex life was amazing during the affair. Really doesn't it make you sick? This doesn't make sense to me so I probably don't understand what you mean. How is it illogical? The BS is not aware of the affair. So in the moment, their life, their sex life, with the WS can be truly amazing. Sure, later, after Dday when the BS does the math and thinks about dates and times that you had amazing sex with your WS, that makes one angry I'd say more than sick. Also sick though, thinking how could WS do that?! Yuck, etc. Although I had all of the feelings Selfish said* she imagines a BS has, there is also always in the background this feeling of, that sex and bonding was still real. That really happened. I had a special bond with WS, even when WS was in the most passionate part of the affair. Even then, WS could not resist the strong bond that we together could produce, no matter what the AP did for WS. Perhaps the AP would be sick if AP knew. Something tells me WS don't go telling their AP that they just had the best sex of their married life with the BS, thanks to the affair. *Selfish is so often dead on one would think she was a BS! 1
Got it Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 no, amazing sex is pure passion & it's definitely not one - sided. it's about feeling and KNOWING that BOTH of you are enjoying it. it's about passion and passion doesn't have to be related to love or deeper emotions (it's definitely better when it is, of course). i mean... you know when your partner wants you, when your partner craves you, you can feel it when someone can't take their eyes or hands off of you, you know when you're wanted, you can feel it in the way they're kissing and touching you and moaning YOUR name... that's what amazing sex feels like. when you're both enjoying it together & you can't fake something like that every single day for a decade. that's why i was able to discover my H's EA very early - he could never hide from me when it was just me and him in those blissful moments. and you definitely didn't have that with your xH. your definition of amazing sex is a lot different from mine - probably because you can't experience passion without being in love with that person & because to you amazing sex cannot be amazing without being in love. we all have our definitions of both sex and love, after all. I think amazing sex can encompass both. I think one can have just great sex just based on the two parties just fitting well together. And you can have great sex because of the emotional connection. I think, men especially, will speak to great sex that doesn't necessarily also have the emotional component at play. Sex with my husband is just good. Why? Because we just fit well, and he is great at it/his technique is fantastic. We have also had great sex because of the emotional connection added to it. But what makes it feel good, what brings the orgasms, is more the technique than the emotions. I could love you and we could have tons of passion but if you suck at sex, sex isn't great then. 1
Casa Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 My h could give me 3 orgasms but mm could give me one and that would be more powerful. If that makes sense... But I am thinking not everyone will understand. 1
Casa Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) This doesn't make sense to me so I probably don't understand what you mean. How is it illogical? The BS is not aware of the affair. So in the moment, their life, their sex life, with the WS can be truly amazing. Sure, later, after Dday when the BS does the math and thinks about dates and times that you had amazing sex with your WS, that makes one angry I'd say more than sick. Also sick though, thinking how could WS do that?! Yuck, etc. Although I had all of the feelings Selfish said* she imagines a BS has, there is also always in the background this feeling of, that sex and bonding was still real. That really happened. I had a special bond with WS, even when WS was in the most passionate part of the affair. Even then, WS could not resist the strong bond that we together could produce, no matter what the AP did for WS. Perhaps the AP would be sick if AP knew. Something tells me WS don't go telling their AP that they just had the best sex of their married life with the BS, thanks to the affair. *Selfish is so often dead on one would think she was a BS! Well you just said it was great sex because of the affair. Light-bulb moment. I was a WS and I did it!!! If you never had great sex in a long time... What's that telling you??? Sorry) - : we tried the whole lot for a few weeks. Swinging from chandeliers.... Ultimately it as just hysterical bonding.... It didn't work. My heart had gone.... But because we were married I could do what he wanted because I'd found a part of me that was lost Edited February 25, 2015 by Casa
Got it Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 My h could give me 3 orgasms but mm could give me one and that would be more powerful. If that makes sense... But I am thinking not everyone will understand. Umm, no? I mean I get the difference between vaginal, anal and clitoral orgasms and the difference in strengths in them. Is that what you are saying? Like literal strength of the orgasm. Or are you saying something else?
Selfish Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 *Selfish is so often dead on one would think she was a BS! Shh don't say that to loud you might upset people. I'm a writer by hobby. I write fiction and nonfiction. One has to be able to put themselves into someone else's shoes and do a hole lot of research and personality studies to bring life to your characters. 1
Eagle's-bargain Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 and you definitely didn't have that with your xH. your definition of amazing sex is a lot different from mine - probably because you can't experience passion without being in love with that person & because to you amazing sex cannot be amazing without being in love. we all have our definitions of both sex and love, after all. Yes, but a relationship based on passionate sex or sex is doomed to fail anyhow. In my opinion, or the relationship is a business partnership of uglies bumpin' and slappin' around. Imagine how a BS would feel to know the reconciliation is because either the sex is better than with the OW/OM. Nothing is more disgusting to me - outside of having been the OM - than to see a WS go back to a relationship because of sex and security. 1
Author minimariah Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 It usually does, yes. They are absolutely destoyed when they find out that all those intimate moments were cheapened by the ws out getting dirty with someone else. thank you for this post - you are absolutely right. this is exactly what i felt when i found out the truth. well, i knew something was wrong from the beginning so the truth didn't really shock me but you know... no matter how much you prepare yourself, it still hurts. I could love you and we could have tons of passion but if you suck at sex, sex isn't great then. i agree with you! i had a situation like this, too - amazing chemistry and passion but somehow it didn't translate well in bed... mad unfortunate. My h could give me 3 orgasms but mm could give me one and that would be more powerful. If that makes sense... But I am thinking not everyone will understand. i think i understand - it's because of the love you have for your MM. so everything is more intense and powerful with your MM than it is with your xH.
Author minimariah Posted February 26, 2015 Author Posted February 26, 2015 Yes' date=' but a relationship based on passionate sex or sex is doomed to fail anyhow. In my opinion, or the relationship is a business partnership of uglies bumpin' and slappin' around.[/quote'] i absolutely agree. in my opinion, you can have an amazing sex even without emotions BUT relationships like those definitely don't last. and the sex is, of course, always much better when there are emotions included... not denying it. Nothing is more disgusting to me - outside of having been the OM - than to see a WS go back to a relationship because of sex and security. agree with you! this is, however, something that happens very often. many come back for security, sex and the fear of the unknown... i think there are few of them who come back because they actually want & love their spouse.
Confused48 Posted February 26, 2015 Posted February 26, 2015 Well you just said it was great sex because of the affair. Light-bulb moment. I was a WS and I did it!!! If you never had great sex in a long time... What's that telling you??? Sorry) - : we tried the whole lot for a few weeks. Swinging from chandeliers.... Ultimately it as just hysterical bonding.... It didn't work. My heart had gone.... But because we were married I could do what he wanted because I'd found a part of me that was lost Again I'm having trouble following you. I and the others posting about this specifically said our sex life in the marriage was great so....? Great before, great during and great after the A. In my case the frequency and passion of the sex increased during the A. Could be the A sex was not great and left the WS hungrier. That is what my WS claims. Can't believe a WS though so it could be the A sex was great and just the more you get the more you want. Could be it was just the WS felt guilty and had to make extra efforts at home to assuage the guilt. Whatever, there sure was no desire to be "faithful" to the AP though.
beach Posted March 7, 2015 Posted March 7, 2015 thank you all for your answers! can you, please, explain this a little more? how is your open relationship organized? what are the rules? i'm a former BS, we divorced as soon as i found out about his affair. the one thing that truly baffled me was the sex. my xH was definitely in love with his OW, his feelings for her were deep... yet, we had sex all the time, as passionate as always & he was so present. never once did i feel like it wasn't me who was getting him off, you know? so i always wondered about that - how could he be so passionate and present with me but in love with her? i don't know. i couldn't do that, so i'll probably never understand. our sex life didn't change at all - we were kinky & passionate until the very end. Some people compartmentalize easier than others. I believe my exH was like that.
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