Nineoak Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 My girlfriend recently ended our relationship saying that she felt like she hit a brick wall in the relationship and didn't have the feelings she needed to continue. Things seemed to be going great but then all of a sudden her feelings changed. I have had relationships fail in the past, but this one has hit me really hard. I guess it's because I felt like she could have been the one for me. I had met her son many times and felt that I would have zero problems accepting him as my own had it come to that point. It's been 6 days of NC and I feel like I will never hear from her again. I just don't understand how things can go from her telling me how happy I made her and planning a vacation this summer to giving me the cold shoulder overnight!?! I have been an emotional wreck these past two weeks and would greatly appreciate other people's insight on my problem.
jus d'orange Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 It sounds like something's up with her. She could've been thinking this for a while and just not said anything, or there could be something else going on behind the scenes (not necessarily sinister) that you just don't know about. I know what it's like to have somebody suddenly pull the plug and say the feelings just aren't there. As much as it sucks, you may never hear from her again, or you may not hear from her until you're over this and even then, it may not be what you want to hear. For now, if she doesn't want the relationship and she doesn't want to talk about it, you're doing the right thing for both her and yourself by sticking with NC and respecting her wishes. It's your job now to heal and focus on yourself. You will move past this, and if you take some time to read around these forums, you'll get some excellent advice on how you can use this time to take this as an opportunity to strengthen yourself, too. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 You need to focus on yourself. Assume she's not coming back & that you will never get answers. Proceed from there. Take some time to grieve the loss of your relationship. Change some small things about your environment. Pack up all the momentos & put them away in the back of a closet. Do not look at them for at least a year. Rearrange your furniture. Get your morning coffee someplace new. Small changes but add things that have nothing to do with her to your life. Surround yourself with supportive people. Hang out with your friends. Do something you have always wanted to do. Don't dwell
ApexTitanium Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I know how you are feeling, my fiance of 5.5 years left me early Jan. Let me believe there was still hope for 3 weeks then just gave back the ring saying she knew it was over from day one. Made me feel like complete ****....I tried to make so many positive changes in those 3 weeks but she just beat me down repeatedly and has ever since. I've tried so hard to be nice to her while she just acts like I'm worthless. Haven't talked to her in 2 weeks and I still feel like the life has been sucked from my body.
An0nymiss666 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I'm in the same boat, except it's been about a month and a half since the breakup. I have no idea what caused him to change overnight, but he did. I thought he was the one for me and that we made each other very happy. We had the best and most healthy relationship that either of us have ever had. Same thing even with planning the vacations this year...then one day he completely changed and "didn't feel the same anymore, and wasn't happy." This was right after the holidays/New Year and I had no indication that anything was wrong (if it was). He just called me to tell me it was over and that was that. NC is the best way to go. As much as it hurts, even for me to tell myself the same thing. I would've kept contacting my ex clinging to his every word even though he was ignoring me, being cold, and then started being a jerk. Until he blocked me entirely, and I'm glad he did. Otherwise I'd still be hung up on the crap he says, and you don't want to find yourself in a situation like that. There may not be any official "closure" from it, but I'm confident you will get better over time. I didn't think I would be doing as well as I am now. There's good days and bad days but as time goes on (even this short amount of time) I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm better off without someone that just up and changed their mind one day.
Author Nineoak Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you all for the kind words and the advice. While I have no doubt my heart will heal in time I am worried it will weigh on me for the rest of my life. The worst part seems to be that I am blaming myself for it all. I keep telling myself that maybe had I tried a little harder or done things different it could have worked out...
quattrob Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you all for the kind words and the advice. While I have no doubt my heart will heal in time I am worried it will weigh on me for the rest of my life. The worst part seems to be that I am blaming myself for it all. I keep telling myself that maybe had I tried a little harder or done things different it could have worked out... There's no point blaming yourself, seems like she's the one with the issues and not you. If she really accepted you she would've fight for the relationship but seems like she just thought about it on her own and one day decided to just walk away. People are just selfish in general so don't think too much about her anymore. I hate people like this who keeps these feelings to themselves and then one day decides to leave on their own accord. It's really selfish and unfair to the dumpee. No respect and care at all. Never go back to these people unless they change into a selfless giver and can prove it. But these people never change and even when they do it's already too late because you wouldn't care anymore. You'll find someone better than her TC trust me.
Tarot777 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I'm in the same boat, except it's been about a month and a half since the breakup. I have no idea what caused him to change overnight, but he did. I thought he was the one for me and that we made each other very happy. We had the best and most healthy relationship that either of us have ever had. Same thing even with planning the vacations this year...then one day he completely changed and "didn't feel the same anymore, and wasn't happy." This was right after the holidays/New Year and I had no indication that anything was wrong (if it was). He just called me to tell me it was over and that was that. NC is the best way to go. As much as it hurts, even for me to tell myself the same thing. I would've kept contacting my ex clinging to his every word even though he was ignoring me, being cold, and then started being a jerk. Until he blocked me entirely, and I'm glad he did. Otherwise I'd still be hung up on the crap he says, and you don't want to find yourself in a situation like that. There may not be any official "closure" from it, but I'm confident you will get better over time. I didn't think I would be doing as well as I am now. There's good days and bad days but as time goes on (even this short amount of time) I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm better off without someone that just up and changed their mind one day. I got blocked too and I'm glad, it took all the power out of my hands. I have no choice but to move on. I actually prefer to be the dumpee rather than the dumper. You have no control, no second guessing, only moving on. Makes things easier.
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