grabaka Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 My wife of 5 years left me and filed for divorce in November for a co-worker who was married as well. Long story short the co-worker was using my spouse basically for sex, and now he is back with his wife and going to marriage counseling. So my wife and his affair lasted for 2 1/2 months maybe...now the truth about him returning to his wife came out 2 weeks ago and he and my wife no longer see each other. Last week before I had to move out for divorce purposes my stbx starts talking to me again and even contacted me with her new cell number I didnt have. She offered marriage counseling, and that threw me for a loop. I told her to cancel this divorce first. She said the only way she would work on us is if the divorce is finalized, we live separately, we work on our own lives first, then maybe potentially we could start to see each other again. I turned that down, I know that there to be some underlying intentions from her offer in her favor. Long story short I now live in a lonely apartment I do not want to be at, and I am missing my home and my dogs I will never see again. Our divorce will be final in 5 days, Feb 26th. I wonder if she thinks of me ever? And if our house reminds her of me? It really messed with my mind she came back at the last minute and offered a crappy bargain to potentially work on us. She said she is not ok with the fact of never seeing me or hearing from me again. Im so confused. I admit I'll probably never get over she cheated, but it would be nice to know she does feel remorse or regret, and that she wishes she would have not of ever left. My new struggle is I am waiting for the day she contacts me again....if that day ever comes. Every time I get the mail I wonder if I'll get a letter from her, or every time I get a text or call I rush to see if it is her. Even though she killed me inside, part of me wants to know atleast meant something to her after being together so long. I admit I look at her facebook even though she has made it to where I cant see who she is friends with or, see her pictures. I can only see her profile picture and that hurts enough. Each day I struggle to keep no contact.I need to heal and hopefully move on and forget her. But man she really had my heart, and I thought we were going to be together for ever and I knew what my life and future was going to be with her.....in a split second that was all gone when she left and abandoned me. Its rough now. I just wish I knew if she was struggling and wishes she wasnt so stupid and selfish, cause I struggle every second of everyday since it happened. I hope the no contact Im doing makes her see what she has lost.
na49 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I know how hard it is dude. I am struggling to stay NC and am having a hard time staying away from her Facebook right now too. It really is the best way to heal, as hard as it is to believe. You will never know what she is actually thinking, even if you do talk to her. It's messed up for her to leave you, and then when her affair goes south, she comes back. You are her Plan B, and if she was able to leave once, she can do it again. Breakups happen like that. One day we are with them, smiling, laughing, having a great time. and the next day, they tell us they don't feel the same and want to break up with us. It's the scariest part of relationships, but it's the risk you take every time you fall in love. I think all of us thought that our ex was the person we'd spend the rest of our life with. It's sad when that comes to an end. She can't miss you if you don't disappear from her life. If you have any other motivation to stay NC right now, use that. If you are staying in her life, she doesn't miss you because she's hearing from you. After a while, she may start to wonder what you've been up to. She'll think about why you haven't been contacting her, and then she may reach out. but there's no way to be sure if you will hear from her again. and if she does reach out to you, there's no guarantee that she will say what you want to hear.
ApexTitanium Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I know your pain. My fiance of 5.5 years left me early Jan. I'm pretty sure for someone else. She said I wasn't romantic enough because I didn't buy her flowers everyday. Yet she hasn't made me anything since 2011 when she left me for someone else the first time and I begged her back. Stupid on my part. I bought her expensive gifts, flowers just not as often, even took out a loan and maxed out two credit cards to buy her the ring she wanted. She was very materialistic. She has treated me like **** since she dumped me and I've tried to be nothing but nice to her. It kills me everyday. Been almost 3 weeks NC and I still feel like crap.
makegoodfrombad Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Well done to all of you. Today marks week 5 of NC. 5 weeks since I humiliated myself by driving to her place when she didn't want me there. If there is a better analogy for what we're all going through than the roller coaster one I'd be surprised. I think we are all different and handle things differently but you can find inspiration and advice out of others stories. I have read so much over the past few weeks and have started to implement little goals I must achieve. I started a 2 week challenge on Monday. It includes things like no social media (which I recomend) it's very easy to waste time on there that you could be using to improve yourself and it puts another barrier between myself and the ex. Read a book. Exercise everyday. Ring someone new, that I lost touch with everyday. No drinking. Write a diary entry everyday. No speaking of the ex and no procrastinating. I'm going brilliantly. The only 2 that I've broken has been the not speaking of the ex, which is a good one because every time I bring her up I aknowledge it and realise my wrong doing and when someone else brings her up I try my best to avoid it turning into a convo ( though I've failed several times). Obviously procrastinating has been near impossible but I have cut down a heap, which is still a positive. The biggest thing for me is realising that thinking about 'us' atm is futile. Do I want her back? Yes! I also know though that I'm not ready for anyone right now. I need to find myself, remind myself what makes me happy and 'always' find time for those activities. Know what direction I want my life to go (which I know) and now find a path that will lead me there. I still think about her heaps, still think how things could be different but those thoughts are now being joined by the realisation that I am here! now! and nothing will change that. The only thing I can change is where I'll be tomorrow. Hope everyone doing it tough just keeps marching on. You need to be strong, make decisions to improve 'your' life, make tomorrow better than today. And if you make a slip up, don't be hard on yourself, just start walking again. 2
Recommended Posts