emmajane77 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Hi I am in my 30's and living in a student type accommodation abroad. Since September I have been friends with a guy who lives here and we get on well and see each other in the dining room most days. I noticed an instant connection from the beginning and he was quite flirty and paid me a lot of attention at the start. We have been out together only about 4 times in 4 months and twice was with his friends. I decided to ask him out to the cinema last week and he agreed and I was delighted. We had a nice time and he was joking around after on the way home. Later that week I was surprised when he said that he liked my top and he made a remark about he could think of something we could do together. I am quite shy so panicked a bit but asked him if he wanted to play cards so we did. We then went up to out rooms and he mentioned that he could show me an easier game in my room later and then he walked off. I went to my room and checked my mails and nothing so mailed him and he admitted he liked my cleavage and then posted a song which had not much to do with the original conversation. It was getting quite late so I told him I was going away for the weekend and would be back in the week and he wished me a good weekend. When I got back I mailed him and asked if he wanted to come round or do something and he said that he was busy these days. I then waited a day and saw him downstairs but he was talking to a girl, he saw me and said hi but didn't come over. I decided to call him and was going to express my feelings but he said he was on the way to his course so I said that I would speak to him another time. I have never had the chance since then as there are always people around in the dining room. He came over to sit with me at dinner on Monday and he was fine and his fun self but I was with a friend so we couldn't talk about anything else. The only time I have seen him was this morning and he seemed moody and quiet and mumbled something about not having much time to do anything at the moment with work and school and then left. (He is always so hot and cold lately I don't know where I stand) A friend then came over and we didn't have time to talk. I am not sure what to do now. I don't know if I should just coast along in the hope that he will flirt with me again, or tell him how I feel. I don't want to keep asking him out if he is not interested as it is not good for ones self esteem. If I do tell him I risk ruining our friendship and he may ignore me and that would be really hurtful. I know he is quite shy at times but I don't want to use this as an excuse for him. He is also 7 years younger if that makes a difference. My friends think that if he was that into me he would have made more of an effort by now and that I should forget him. I wonder if I am not being forthcoming enough but then I did invite him round. Please could you advise me on what to do. I don't want to pass it by and regret it as I have done this with other men. Many Thanks.
Satu Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I would leave it at this point. He's not reaching for you. That is illustrated in the mixed messages. Yes/No means no. 1
fred123 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 maybe he is your friend! and friends hang out and go to the cinema. why do you read more into it? dont you hang out with friends like this?
Author emmajane77 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) Yes perhaps you are right and I still want to be friends as we are good friends but I have developed feeling for him. I wonder if he knows or not. I would have accepted just being friends but recently he has been very flirty with me and suggestive. He picks on me and makes fun of me in front of friends and I have caught him staring at me when he thought I wasn't looking, but then last week when I asked him round he said he was busy. Perhaps friends is a better idea. Edited February 21, 2015 by emmajane77
Author emmajane77 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Satu thank you for your reply and kind words. I appreciate your advice and well wishes. 1
writergal Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 From the way you write about him, he seems like he's a flirt with all women in general, not just you. The way he pushes and pulls his attention with you is a huge red flag that he's not available to you the way you want him to be. Men who do that push-pull game a lot with women, are not relationship material, period. And it's kind of gross that he told you he liked your breasts and then send you a link to a song about that subject. I mean, ewww that's just tasteless. I think you could find a better quality guy than him. He sounds like a cad.
Author emmajane77 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Yes perhaps you are right. He does seem to swoon about the place at times like something out of a James Bond film and I have seen him work his charm on men and women. Yes I also thought that is something you don't really say to a girl especially one who is suppose to be a friend. Thank you for your advice Writer Gal. You have given me something to think about. Much appreciated. :-)
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