todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I dont expect a guy to win my affection...i expect a guy to be honest to be interested in me more than as donnivain said, is that one thing...i dont want to hear all the right words ..i dont want to be charmed into loving someone ro swept off my feet...because honestly i have not ever been swept off my feet ....its always started a feeling of something special..a wanting to get to know the guy behind the smile.......with no charm needed...i want it to be real...if i wan ta charmer ill go to india and watch a guy charm snakes..........i want to feel supported in my affection for that guy.....i want a guy to put his money where his mouth is and be whom he says he is....and back those unsaid words up with pure action and thoughtfulness.........deb
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I mean let's face it, the woman needs to be swept off her feet. The male is always in the position of having to prove he is worthy of her affection. Why is it never the other way around? Why are men so expendable while all women are princesses? Unfortunately, that's the way nature works; with most mammals and even within the insect kingdom. A man needs to win over the woman he's pursuing by proving his worthiness...and the woman has to be (and remain) physically attractive enough for him to want to pursue her. I suspect that, with your present mindset, you may not have a very successful dating venture with women; unless of course you intend to settle for less than what your expectations are. Both genders have their roles to play in the biological dance of nature. For me personally, I don't wish to be treated as a "princess" nor do I feel that men are "expendable". I do expect to be pursued by a guy if he's interested in me because I'm not going to pursue him. Now, once I know he's definitely interested in me for my personality as well as for my physical attractiveness, THEN that's when I reciprocate the pursuing...and, that's when things become FUN and interesting! It's not fair for the man to do all of the pursuing and wooing; the woman should also reciprocate these things to him also. We women aren't the only ones who enjoy feeling desired - men want to feel that they're wanted as well! Both genders enjoy the flattery (a bit egoistic, but natural for humans) that comes with being desired, complimented, wooed and pursued; this shouldn't be placed all on the man's shoulders. So, while I empathize with the OP's perspective, I feel that he should know that not ALL women are the way he thinks we are. As women mature and get older, we realize what's truly important with regard to dating and relationships; younger women (although there are some mature ones out there) tend to adopt the mentality of the OP because they haven't yet learned what truly works (and what is fair to BOTH genders) in the world of dating. I'm SO glad that I'm not in my 20s or 30s anymore! I love the wisdom and experience that I've gleaned over the years; it has helped me to have some meaningful LTRs and has enabled me to enjoy the dating process without being jaded or having too many expectations. Even though I do have my deal breakers and healthy boundaries (which everyone should have) when it comes to dating and relationships, I'm all about enjoying the moment with whoever I'm with; whether we click together with insane chemistry or whether we know we'd make good friends with each other. OP, my advice to you would be to relax - take a chill pill. Not all women want to be treated like "princesses" and not all women just sit there and let the man do all of the wooing and pursuing, okay? You'll know when you come across the right woman...she'll let you know, in no uncertain terms, that she's interested in you by the first or second date...and she'll be proving her worthiness to you at the same time that you're proving yours to her. . 2
Buddhist Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) The real trouble is finding the girl who wants a relationship. In the vast majority of cases if a girl wants a to be in a relationship, she's already in one. It's extremely difficult to find a single woman that wants to be in a relationship. As already explained it has a lot to do with your age group. People under 30 just aren't in general interested in being in LTR. They are still interested in non-serious dating. It's got nothing to do with anything else. they would gladly be FWB with them or just simply be single, while they reject all the "lesser" men who want to date them. Well then that's really what they want then isn't it? If someone would rather be single than be with you it's just the way it goes. There's no law that women have to seek relationships, nor is it wrong when they choose not to. Females face the same career, education and pressure to succeed as men these days. So perhaps they just don't want to invest in relationships while they are still trying to sort these other parts of life out. There's only so much time in the day. Personally I gave up on relationships because it's exhausting and my job takes a lot out of me too. I sacrificed companionship for following my dreams which means far more to me than having a boyfriend. Like it or not, a lot of women will make this choice. Everyone, including women have to fend for themselves, invest wisely and secure their own retirement. A fair number of women will choose other things over relationships no matter what age they are. I'm not so sure about the ages. I was looking for a serious girlfriend around 25. I think most guys want to settle down and get married after college. . I'd say this is entirely demographic dependant. I don't live in the US, but men here don't even want to think about marriage until after 40, or if at all. Very few want to marry, only the ones that want children do. Of course every guy is different. So basically ugly women, or women that are 30+? Well, you if are in your 30's too then what is wrong with that? As I said, if you only want a woman who is in her 20's then chances are high she won't be in it for the LTR. How has your dating life been? I got my first boyfriend at 21, I had to chase him though. He showed no interest in me at all and I had to be pretty persistent. But in the end we got together and lasted 5yrs. I didn't start getting pursued by men until I was 35. The hormone change gave my face a lot of definition it didn't previously have and that changed things. Prior to that I was invisible. I've had 4 relationships in a span of 22yrs, about 1 every half decade. Shortest relationship span was 18 months, the longest 5yrs. The last one was with someone a lot younger than me so it was just about fun and it ran it's course after about 18 months. After that one I retired from the relationship scene. I've got all I wanted out of it, even as I started dating the last guy I said to myself, this is the last one. Surely you're not going to give up after 1 failed relationship? I don't know of anyone with a better track record. Most people have 5, 6 or 10 failed relationships behind them. Being with someone is tricky, it's tiring and it's always a negotiation, it's rarely that much fun. I understand your feelings on the matter, but it's really no different for anyone else. Edited February 21, 2015 by Buddhist 3
mightycpa Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I mean let's face it, the woman needs to be swept off her feet. The male is always in the position of having to prove he is worthy of her affection. Why is it never the other way around? Why are men so expendable while all women are princesses? I think you just have a ****ty track record, and you're trying to blame that on half the population. Look inwards for better answers. 2
AVarma Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Unfortunately, that's the way nature works; with most mammals and even within the insect kingdom. A man needs to win over the woman he's pursuing by proving his worthiness...and the woman has to be (and remain) physically attractive enough for him to want to pursue her. I suspect that, with your present mindset, you may not have a very successful dating venture with women; unless of course you intend to settle for less than what your expectations are. Both genders have their roles to play in the biological dance of nature. For me personally, I don't wish to be treated as a "princess" nor do I feel that men are "expendable". I do expect to be pursued by a guy if he's interested in me because I'm not going to pursue him. Now, once I know he's definitely interested in me for my personality as well as for my physical attractiveness, THEN that's when I reciprocate the pursuing...and, that's when things become FUN and interesting! It's not fair for the man to do all of the pursuing and wooing; the woman should also reciprocate these things to him also. We women aren't the only ones who enjoy feeling desired - men want to feel that they're wanted as well! Both genders enjoy the flattery (a bit egoistic, but natural for humans) that comes with being desired, complimented, wooed and pursued; this shouldn't be placed all on the man's shoulders. So, while I empathize with the OP's perspective, I feel that he should know that not ALL women are the way he thinks we are. As women mature and get older, we realize what's truly important with regard to dating and relationships; younger women (although there are some mature ones out there) tend to adopt the mentality of the OP because they haven't yet learned what truly works (and what is fair to BOTH genders) in the world of dating. I'm SO glad that I'm not in my 20s or 30s anymore! I love the wisdom and experience that I've gleaned over the years; it has helped me to have some meaningful LTRs and has enabled me to enjoy the dating process without being jaded or having too many expectations. Even though I do have my deal breakers and healthy boundaries (which everyone should have) when it comes to dating and relationships, I'm all about enjoying the moment with whoever I'm with; whether we click together with insane chemistry or whether we know we'd make good friends with each other. OP, my advice to you would be to relax - take a chill pill. Not all women want to be treated like "princesses" and not all women just sit there and let the man do all of the wooing and pursuing, okay? You'll know when you come across the right woman...she'll let you know, in no uncertain terms, that she's interested in you by the first or second date...and she'll be proving her worthiness to you at the same time that you're proving yours to her. . FYI I totally love your username.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 FYI I totally love your username. lol. Do you play COD:Black Ops Zombies? Or do you just like my username because you know it's an xbox game from Treyarch? .
MissBee Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This hasn't been true in my experience. I don't think I've ever felt the need to try and "sweep her off her feet" or to "prove my worthiness". Any guy who has that mindset is probably trying too hard and is being his own worst enemy. In my case, either the attraction from her was pretty evident in the first place, or we just chatted/joked/flirted with each other like normal human beings with low/zero expectations and went from there...even if it didn't go anywhere, it was still a nice little conversation to pass the time. Thanks for this. I was going to say that this isn't a universal feeling that all men have, but only a subset of men, so that subset needs to figure out why they feel that way or that's been their experience because not all men experience dating to be that way for them. 1
SmartDude Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 But seriously, female affection does not come out of a bottle like magic! Its one of those weird things in life... You have to give it away to get it for free:eek: In that respect, it is kind of like magic. I dunno, im confused now.
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) This thread has lots of different experiences and opinions which is good. And reading them I'm inclined to tentatively put forward the notion that perhaps it's not a matter of our affection being hard to get. But more an issue where men may just find it easier to be attracted to someone. Leading him to express this attraction more often but not having it reciprocated. I have to admit I find it quite rare that I'm attracted to someone. Some of my periods of chastity have lasted 3-5yrs at a time. And it wasn't for lack of desire for a relationship back then. But more a case of no-one sufficiently pinging my radar to make it worth my while. And before someone chimes in with idea I was looking for a rare alpha. That isn't what I'm trying to express. My type isn't about tall, handsome dudes. But I wonder if females are just more likely than men to be Demi-sexual. Edited February 22, 2015 by Buddhist 1
ivionthenet Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 It has to do with the way nature balances it self. In youth, women have all the power. They can date guys their own age or guys 20 years older than them. They are free and without obligation. They make the rules with regards to sex and romance until about the mid 30's. A man comes to power at around 35-40ish. The female starts to loose her power now as she looses her youthful attractiveness. She can make demands and ultimatums, but she finds that this strategy does not work anymore. There is a much larger pool of women to compete with now. I just have to say that this is one of the most short sighted and depressing posts I have read here...now I am going to go back and read the rest of this thread. 1
Author NGC1300 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 because women have more to lose; that is why women start and end most relationships How do women have more to lose? They have less to lose, because the next guy is essentially always in line. 1
BluEyeL Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I mean let's face it, the woman needs to be swept off her feet. The male is always in the position of having to prove he is worthy of her affection. Why is it never the other way around? Why are men so expendable while all women are princesses? Biologically, because choosing a partner to have sex with has much heavier consequences for a woman than for a man. Sperm is disposable, a man can have sex and put his hat on and go home, no consequences. For a woman, having sex could result in 9 months of pregnancy with its consequences on her body and mind, a painful delivery, and then years of caring for a child. That's the biological reason for which men have to prove that they'll be there for the woman, if she gives herself to him. I guess those biological differences didn't change all that much over the history, despite the fact that we now have birth control and women work outside the home. 2
AVarma Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 lol. Do you play COD:Black Ops Zombies? Or do you just like my username because you know it's an xbox game from Treyarch? . I do play call of duty black ops but mainly the single player campaign. I haven't played zombies yet. I will though!
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I do play call of duty black ops but mainly the single player campaign. I haven't played zombies yet. I will though! Oh wow, you've NEVER tried playing in Zombies Mode yet? I think you're going to freakin' LOVE it! But seriously dude...since you're a virgin at Zombies, you need to start on the easy maps, or it'll take you much longer to learn how to navigate your character around the zombies, to know when to hit the box or buy a wall weapon, to learn your way around the map(s) and finally, to learn when to stab the zombies, when to shoot them and...when to RUN like hell lol. I think the easiest maps for you to start learning on would be: Black Ops I disc: Kino der Toten & Der Riese Black Ops II disc: Tranzit, Nuketown & Die Rise Good luck, soldier! Let me know how you like shooting zombies and which map you start off on. .
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 It has to do with the way nature balances it self. In youth, women have all the power. They can date guys their own age or guys 20 years older than them. They are free and without obligation. They make the rules with regards to sex and romance until about the mid 30's. A man comes to power at around 35-40ish. The female starts to loose her power now as she looses her youthful attractiveness. She can make demands and ultimatums, but she finds that this strategy does not work anymore. There is a much larger pool of women to compete with now. Not so much anymore. Women are increasingly hooking up with younger men. I am in mid 30s and my bf is 28. I get plenty of attention from guys in their 20s but most are too immature to seriously date. As for men, I see so many that get to mid 30s and gain ton of weight and lose hair. I don't exactly see 20 something women queing up to date them. Getting older is not attractive for either sex but there is not much we can do about it. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This thread has lots of different experiences and opinions which is good. And reading them I'm inclined to tentatively put forward the notion that perhaps it's not a matter of our affection being hard to get. But more an issue where men may just find it easier to be attracted to someone. Leading him to express this attraction more often but not having it reciprocated. That's an interesting point and would be consistent with a couple of things that made me especially frustrated with my lack of success as a single person. I'd look around and seemed there were thousands upon thousands of women around who met whatever threshold for physical attractiveness I had, and I intentionally filtered out women who I thought were too good looking for me to have a chance with.
somedude81 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 As already explained it has a lot to do with your age group. People under 30 just aren't in general interested in being in LTR. They are still interested in non-serious dating. It's got nothing to do with anything else. Even then I've always had a problem even getting non-serious dates. I guess that women just see going on dates as something serious so they don't want to do it at all if they do it all. Though that doesn't make any sense because most women under 25 have had a couple of real boyfriends. My ex who was 20 when I started dating her has pretty much never been single since she was 16. Well then that's really what they want then isn't it? If someone would rather be single than be with you it's just the way it goes. There's no law that women have to seek relationships, nor is it wrong when they choose not to. I never said that women have to be in a relationships. Though it does suck when a woman would rather be single than be with me. It also make no sense to me at all. Life is better with somebody else in it. There are so many positives to being in a relationship. To me I also see it that the girl is basically saying, Literally "nothing" is better than you. Females face the same career, education and pressure to succeed as men these days. So perhaps they just don't want to invest in relationships while they are still trying to sort these other parts of life out. There's only so much time in the day. Personally I gave up on relationships because it's exhausting and my job takes a lot out of me too. I sacrificed companionship for following my dreams which means far more to me than having a boyfriend. That's another thing that doesn't make any sense to me. I don't see a relationship as something that takes a lot of time and effort. Unless a woman is extremely busy with school or work, using those as a reason for why they want to be single is a piss poor excuse. I once had a girl tell me that she was too busy to date, and it took me a while to see through her bullsh*t and understand that it was just her way of telling me that she wasn't interested. I'd say this is entirely demographic dependant. I don't live in the US, but men here don't even want to think about marriage until after 40, or if at all. Very few want to marry, only the ones that want children do. Of course every guy is different. Then it just could be different cultures. Well, you if are in your 30's too then what is wrong with that? As I said, if you only want a woman who is in her 20's then chances are high she won't be in it for the LTR. What doesn't make any sense is that the vast majority of women I met in college did have boyfriends. So all this talk that young women don't want to be in a LTR doesn't match what I see. The only women who were single, wanted to be single. That's what I was talking about in my previous post. If a woman wants to have a boyfriend, she will. I got my first boyfriend at 21, I had to chase him though. He showed no interest in me at all and I had to be pretty persistent. But in the end we got together and lasted 5yrs. I didn't start getting pursued by men until I was 35. The hormone change gave my face a lot of definition it didn't previously have and that changed things. Prior to that I was invisible. I've had 4 relationships in a span of 22yrs, about 1 every half decade. Shortest relationship span was 18 months, the longest 5yrs. The last one was with someone a lot younger than me so it was just about fun and it ran it's course after about 18 months. After that one I retired from the relationship scene. I've got all I wanted out of it, even as I started dating the last guy I said to myself, this is the last one. I forgot why I asked you that question, regardless it seems you've been a decent amount of time in relationships. Having your first relationship last 5 years was amazing. Surely you're not going to give up after 1 failed relationship? I don't know of anyone with a better track record. Most people have 5, 6 or 10 failed relationships behind them. Being with someone is tricky, it's tiring and it's always a negotiation, it's rarely that much fun. I understand your feelings on the matter, but it's really no different for anyone else. It's not about one failed relationship. Your shortest relationship was three times longer than my longest. I'm currently 33 years old. I've spent a grand total of six months in my life in a relationship. When you were 33, how many years have of your life have you spent in a relationship? To say that my one failed relationship, which is the only relationships I've ever had is no different than from anyone else shows how little you can actually empathize with me. Through not from a lack of extreme effort on my part, I got my first girlfriend at 31. Thirty one! Can you even begin to understand how I felt about women and myself up until that point? 1
alphamale Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 How do women have more to lose? They have less to lose, because the next guy is essentially always in line. the next guy in line won't get pregnant 1
xxoo Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Many men are attracted to her. Do you really think she should be interested in all of them?
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) That's another thing that doesn't make any sense to me. I don't see a relationship as something that takes a lot of time and effort. Unless a woman is extremely busy with school or work, using those as a reason for why they want to be single is a piss poor excuse. Just look on this forum for post after post of people complaining their partner has suddenly become a dick and they doesn't understand why. The cycle gets old real quick and the sex is rarely worth it. It's not about one failed relationship. Your shortest relationship was three times longer than my longest. It is about one failed relationship. Did you really think the very first one was going to last forever? Everyone screws this up, practice is the only thing that fixes not. Not saying....oh well she left me so that's it I've failed and might as well throw myself in a ditch. I'm currently 33 years old. I've spent a grand total of six months in my life in a relationship. And yet you keep blaming things outside of yourself for that. Maybe that's the reason why you've been in a relationship for only 6 months of your life. If everyone else can get a relationship except you, then chances are excellent the problem is you. Every single relationship of mine failed, but I didn't stop trying (until now) and I didn't start blaming other people for things that are my responsibility to fix. I'll be honest, before you revealed your age I put you at about 23, because that's the level of maturity you are displaying. Now if that's what you're putting out across an internet forum to total strangers then don't you think others who meet you face to face are also picking up this vibe from you? Don't even bother telling me well you never talk about this stuff with women, you don't have to. People can pick this up without you saying a word, it's written in your attitudes, your body language and just your general vibe. shows how little you can actually empathize with me. And what are you seeking empathy for exactly? I see a guy living in the first world complaining because the universe didn't bless him with fantastic genes. It didn't bless 99% of people in the world with that and somehow we all get by. What would my empathy actually give you? Nothing except some temporary relief from issues you refuse to address for yourself. I'm giving you (rather stupidly because I know you are just going to argue with me anyway) the best I can to help you out of this situation, a point of view other than your own. Fair enough, if you don't like it and want to discard it, no problem. You can figure it out on your own. But you've already wasted your 20's doing that, I wonder if you really want to waste your 30's as well? If you're waiting for that magic age at which all women become hopelessly desperate and start chasing you, in the manner of Bitter Dudes, then I think you'll be disappointed. But the longer you wait to get the social skills to make a relationship work the harder it will be for you. Trying to figure this **** out in your 40's will not be fun. Through not from a lack of extreme effort on my part, I got my first girlfriend at 31. Thirty one! Can you even begin to understand how I felt about women and myself up until that point? Maybe you shouldn't be pegging your self esteem to relationship status then? All young people do this until they figure out it's not very clever. I'm wondering why as a 33yr old you still haven't figured this out. Bringing your resentment towards women with you to every date isn't helping btw. You can't resent something and then expect it to like you back. Do yourself a favour go and sit in a park for a day and watch couples. And honestly, I mean honestly ask yourself whether every guy you see is a 6ft adonis, dripping in wealth. I know the answer to that question, but clearly you don't. Edited February 22, 2015 by Buddhist 5
ComingInHot Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 It has to do with the way nature balances it self. In youth, women have all the power. They can date guys their own age or guys 20 years older than them. They are free and without obligation. They make the rules with regards to sex and romance until about the mid 30's. A man comes to power at around 35-40ish. The female starts to loose her power now as she looses her youthful attractiveness. She can make demands and ultimatums, but she finds that this strategy does not work anymore. There is a much larger pool of women to compete with now. Lol, you obviously haven't met me... I'm CiH*, recently hit 40, single, mom, entrepreneur, feisty and I Don't 'compete' with girls nor my fellow women. I live and love out loud* 4
alphamale Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Lol, you obviously haven't met me... I'm CiH*, recently hit 40, single, mom, entrepreneur, feisty and I Don't 'compete' with girls nor my fellow women. I live and love out loud* you're my type of woman CiH 2
Buddhist Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Not so much anymore. Women are increasingly hooking up with younger men. I am in mid 30s and my bf is 28. I get plenty of attention from guys in their 20s but most are too immature to seriously date. That is pretty much my experience as well. Young guys are just fine dating a significantly older woman, I dated one 12yrs my junior. It's a really outdated belief that women somehow suffer from getting 'old', like over 25...old. Chances are also excellent that by the time she reaches her 40's she'll have set herself up in a career, bought her own home, and isn't looking for a live-in partnership anymore. As birth rates in first world countries continue to fall, there will be less and less impetus for people to partner up early in order to create families. Once affluence takes over a society, the first thing to go is the desire to breed.
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 That's how it is for the vast majority mammals on this planet. The male has to prove himself worthy of the female. The female basically gets to choose what male she wants to be with. Just be thankful that humans don't have harems, at least not in the present day. When there are harems, I promise you it's not because all those wives chose the husband they wanted to be with!! I have a lot of animals here because I live in the country, seriously roosters are all basically rapists and the male goat, cow and sheep mates with every single female around him!!
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