mnrdgz Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. A little background: About 2 years ago I fell into a mild depression, 1 year ago this depression turned into a moderate depression. I refused to leave the house, I cut most contact with friends. I hated my job and felt useless but didn't do anything about it. I was in denial of needing help. My girlfriend tried to help and tried to push me to get help but I refused her attempts. I closed myself and I became really needy and controlling of her. I didn't have control over my life so I attempted controlling hers. I didn't want her to go out with her friends. I didn't want her to go out with her family. I made it really hard for her to live her life. I wanted her with me 100% of her free time. It was ridiculously unhealthy for our relationship. I became so comfortable that I stopped wooing her. The spark died. On top of that in early January they found a significantly large blood clot that covered all the veins in my entire bicep and reached up my shoulder until about my left clavicle. About a week after being hospitalized, she had gone out and said she'd stay out about an hour. 4 hours later, I hadn't heard back from her. I got huge amounts of anxiety, and huge amounts of fear. Was she cheating on me? Was she in an accident? Was she still alive? I called and texted her multiple times, but no answer. I started to have an anxiety attack which in turn made me freak out about my health. When she got in contact I allowed the worst of me to come out. I blurted out how she made me feel and was as angry as I have ever been in our relationship. A few days later I mentioned that we were living together as roommates. I asked her to think about things and be blunt with me. We were blunt in how we felt. She broke up with me. When she broke up with me she cried uncontrollably, we hugged and wished each other the best. She said that she thought this was the best way to go about things. I had to figure out my depression and she had to figure herself out as a single person. I made one last attempt at getting her back, I told her I realized that most of what was wrong in the relationship stemmed from my depression. I asked her to stick with me, while I figured myself out. She said she believed we'd both fall back on what we were used to and declined. The first two weeks I concentrated on myself. I went to therapy, I read self-help books. I read tons of articles on break ups and tons of success stories of rekindling love. I had one goal in my head. I would get better and show her who she lost. This past week, I realized she was serious. I guess I had the hope that she'd regret her decision and come back. She hasn't and doesn't seem like she will. Our mutual friends say she has little to no hope for us. That she says we just weren't compatible. And she think I was only with her because I was afraid of being alone. I think she's dating already, that hit me like a pound of bricks straight to the heart. I thought what we had was so good. I was going to marry this girl. I don't know how I am going to let go of that hope. I know I need to concentrate on myself but the thought of her keeps throwing me down in the dumps. I'm scared. I'm being irrational. I'm hoping something happens to my health and that gets us closer again. Yesterday, I lost my self control and emailed her. I said that I didn't expect anything to come out of the email. I just was feeling like **** and lower than i've been. I told her I was scared. I told her it's been really tough. I wasn't expecting a response. But she texted me. "R U ok?" I told her I was having a tough week. That I missed her and that it's been really hard battling the depression without her in my life. That overtime I think about her I get thrown down in the dumps. She said she was always willing to be there for me but as just friends. I stopped texting her. I don't want to just be friends. I'm confused, part of me says take the deal, she always made you happy and she can probably make you happy as friends. The other part of me says you are only going to hurt more. Don't do it. I just want her back. I just want her back so much. I'm so sad and miserable right now. I'm lost in my life, my career, my social life. She took with me the only thing I had going for me. A steady loving relationship. Sorry for the big wall of text. I'm just so broken right now. I need to vent.
Author mnrdgz Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Is this post too long? I wanted advice but no one seems to be replying. Do you guys need a summary. I just wanted to give you guys a full picture.
Ruby65 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'm so sorry for what you're going through! I know how rough it is. It sounds like it's a mistake to try for friendship -- that won't be possible until all the romantic feelings you have for her have gone. For your sake, it's best to cut all forms of contact -- that means online as well. The goal is to stop heaping fresh new pain onto the pain you already have.... and right now, any contact or information from her is only going to bring pain, not comfort. Let the other people in your life help you through this. Read through the forums here and the No Contact guide on this site. Here's an excellent recovery guide that will help you immediately: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck and keep posting!
Light Breeze Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Right now, your top most priority is YOURSELF. Focus on your healing and your issues. This is a good time to gather your support system and ask them to be there for you. I'm sorry to say this, but I think your ex got tired of your relationship and as such she wouldn't even contemplate getting back with you. You made your desire to stay with her clear, she decided she didn't want to. Therefore, you must respect her decision for your own dignity and self respect. As for being friends with your ex and making her a part of your support system, well, that is an absolutely terrible idea. Based on what you wrote, I surmise you're going to get destroyed when you see her falling in love with someone else. That will set your progress in healing about a thousand steps back to the starting point. Again, focus on your issues and healing and initiate No Contact. Brother, this is for your own good.
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