Need a little advice

[brighteyes]

I have been dating a guy for a month. He is a great guy but I am still finding myself looking for some one else. we have friends in common so it would be a little weird to dump him and I still want to be friends but I want to keep meeting and seeing other guys. How can I get this across to him without using the usual line "I still want to be friends" He is great to me but the feelings just aren't there which sucks because he is a great guy. I need to do something soon before he gets to attached. Help me please!!

[Rogue]

There's never an easy way to let a guy down. But

 

as a guy I can tell you the way NOT to do it.

 

Never lie about why you're dumping him.Never give mixed messages when you're dumping him, make sure he understands that the end has come.And never ,ever , say "Let's stay friends".

 

Here's why. A man should know the real reason he's being dumped or else he assumes the wrong thing. He then blames himself for something he thinks is wrong with him.If he knows the real reason, at least he has a chance to fix the problem for the next time around, and most likely respect you for telling him.

 

A man also has to completely sure that the relationship is over.A lot of women make the mistake of being ambigious about ending it, causing the guy to think he still has a chance.What happens next is the guy keeps hanging on to the hope that they'll get back together, prolonging the pain even more. This is why a lot of guys still can't "let go" of a relationship-because they have the impression it's not really over.So if you're gonna end it, make it a clean break, even it's a little hard on him now. He'll be able to move on faster if you do, and in the long run you're doing him a favor.

 

Lastly, never say "Let's stay friends". That is the biggest load of Bull Shnitzel this side of a presidential inquiry. "Let's stay friends" has so many meanings.

 

"Let's pretend to stay friends, so that I don't feel guilty about dumping you."

 

" Let's stay friends so I can use you as a surrogate boyfriend until I find a new one."

 

"Let's stay friends for about a week, then forget my phone number."

 

"Let's stay friends because I need you for my sense of self worth."

 

"Let's stay friends because you're the only one who can fix my car right. Besides, I might need the cupboards painted soon, or help moving into my new boyfriend's apartment."

 

"Let's stay friends because I never learned to make friends with the opposite sex until after I dated them."

 

"Let's stay friends so I can add you to my list of guys I own."

 

There have been so many variations of this,that a lot of guys have gotten wise to it. Now if a girl suggest to me "Let's stay friends", I just cringe. If I need a friend, I have my guy buddies, or women I've not dated. I don't need ex-lovers as friends.

 

So just be honest, and gentle and kind. Don't expect friendship, but tell him he's still welcome in your life.

 

Say something like " I can be your friend, I can be your confidant.I can be like a sister to you. I just can't EVER be your lover or girlfriend, I'm sorry. I know that's what you want, but wouldn't you like to keep in touch with someone who still likes you an awful lot?"

 

If he wants to keep in touch, ok, but if not let him go. Respect his feeling whatever he chooses.

 

I hope all this helps,and I'd be interested to find out how everything turns out. Good luck.

[Tony T]

You haven't been dating him long enough for it to be considered a committed relationship. Just start accepting dates with other people. Be very casual about dating this guy. Start backing off. I'm not really sure at this stage, after only one month, you really need to give him some big formal speach about seeing other people.

 

And don't hold yourself hostage to dating him because you have mutual friends. If you aren't turned on by this guy, you aren't doing either of you a favor by continuing to see him.

 

If he remains friends with you, that's fine. If not, it's kind of sad but not the end of the world. Do what makes you happy. Stop accepting invitations from him...let him know you have other plans. You don't owe him anything...unless you have made a committment to him you didn't mention in your post. If that's the case, just tell him you have chosen to begin seeing other people. Simple as that.

 

Get this resolved as soon as you can.