Gloria25 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 If you were in a RL and you and your SO worked in certain fields (i.e. law enforcement). Wouldn't you try to make your schedules where you two are coming home at/near the same time of the day? I mean, if you work 7AM-3PM and your SO is 3PM-11PM - what kind of RL is that? You two would be like "ships passing in the night"? I met a married guy in the military years ago. They had no kids and he had rank, so it wasn't like they were broke. But, the wife was working for AAFEES (which is like a retail chain on base) OVERSEAS!!!! He said she wanted to do it to make money. Well, after she came back from her tour overseas (probably where she was "serving" other troops ), she then said she wanted to fulfill a dream to be an airline stewardess. So, again, another job/career taking her away from the home. Well, he cheated on her and they divorced. I think she suspected he had a wandering eye. But, why would you take jobs/career paths where you won't see your SO at dinnertime? So, if you are in a RL, are you working schedules where you and your SO are like ships passing in the night? Have you tried to change it so you'll see more of each other? Why/why not? Just curious here....
Els Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 It's really a balancing act between the two. Especially when you are young, sometimes you have to make the decision that favours your career, or at least doesn't harm it, which sometimes entails relationship sacrifices. If the woman in your post gave up her dreams to be an airline stewardess to be near her husband, would she be happy? If her dreams were THAT important to her, chances are she wouldn't, and the R would have crumbled due to resentment anyway. Plenty of men in history have prioritized their career in the way the woman in your OP is doing. There are plenty of men with families who have worked as pilots or sailors who are away from home much of the time, or military men stationed overseas, etc. This is not a new issue, and it is only a prominent issue now, I suspect, because it's still less socially acceptable for women to do so.
MissBee Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I haven't been in that situation, but if I were then yes I'd try to change it if possible if I'm in a serious relationship. However, remember, it's not always a choice. Many times people cannot simply choose a schedule but get one handed to them or that is the only thing available, so sometimes it's not just a case of having no interest in changing your schedule but rather, not having much of a choice about the schedule you get.
preraph Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I can only say that my old career was the most important thing to me. It was my dream, and I wouldn't have been able to do a dog justice, much less a husband and family. I wouldn't give the dream up for that because domesticity was not my dream. So we all have our priorities. BTW, I used to call on AAFES. Those are great jobs except for you have to go out of town for extended training sessions, which is very inconvenient. I'm who made the military stock gangsta rap. Shame on me. Hah. I cited the Constitution to get it done. (and I don't even like rap...)
Author Gloria25 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 It's really a balancing act between the two. Especially when you are young, sometimes you have to make the decision that favours your career, or at least doesn't harm it, which sometimes entails relationship sacrifices. If the woman in your post gave up her dreams to be an airline stewardess to be near her husband, would she be happy? If her dreams were THAT important to her, chances are she wouldn't, and the R would have crumbled due to resentment anyway. Plenty of men in history have prioritized their career in the way the woman in your OP is doing. There are plenty of men with families who have worked as pilots or sailors who are away from home much of the time, or military men stationed overseas, etc. This is not a new issue, and it is only a prominent issue now, I suspect, because it's still less socially acceptable for women to do so. Well, in the example I used, I understand where the wife probably was bored to death at home cuz they didn't have kids - but come on, each job she was into took her away from the home. And, really, I didn't buy her "dream job" excuse. I know of several airline stewardess and it isn't like in the movies - especially starting out. I had a neighbor who was a part-time hooker cuz she wasn't making enough money being a stewardess. She thought her poop didn't stink...what an idiot. I didn't get who was the guy (her pimp) in expensive cars coming to get her at all times of the nite, until one day he was banging on her door and demanding she "suit up" and come do her "j...o...b". But, I don't see the example I used of a woman "prioritizing" her career. AAFEES is a retail chain...unless you're in management - you aren't gonna go far. Also his claim that she wanted the money was absurd, cuz "hello" is he not giving her money? Regardless of gender, my concern is why people would be in a RL where their schedules kept them away from each other and/or wouldn't do much to change it (especially if you could get a change in schedule). BTW, the strain of a military/law enforcement/etc man being away also puts strain on the RLs. That's where you have spouses stepping out and trolling the bases/streets when their guys are gone - but again, those are usually weak women who weren't wifey material in the first place. They are clueless as to how to "get a life" (i.e. volunteering, getting a job, hobby, family/friends) when their man is gone...they look for sexual attention to fill their little "void" in their pathetic lives. I was hearing a commercial on the radio the other day from divorce attorneys and they were talking about how many married couples live under the same roof and all that, but don't spend quality time together...and that kinda got me to start this thread.
Els Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) And, really, I didn't buy her "dream job" excuse. I know of several airline stewardess and it isn't like in the movies - especially starting out. I know a couple of airline stewardesses as well (and an airline steward) - yes, obviously there are disadvantages to the job, like any other job. But they liked the part where they were able to travel the world all-expenses-paid as part of their job, because there are very few jobs that allow you to do that on a regular basis. They didn't need to sell sex to supplement their income, either. Regardless of gender, my concern is why people would be in a RL where their schedules kept them away from each other and/or wouldn't do much to change it (especially if you could get a change in schedule). I think in many cases there isn't much option. If you are an airline steward/stewardess or pilot, you are going to be away much of the time regardless of your schedule. In other cases involving shift work in the same location, I would think/hope that couples do try to sync wherever possible, if the option exists. BTW, the strain of a military/law enforcement/etc man being away also puts strain on the RLs. That's where you have spouses stepping out and trolling the bases/streets when their guys are gone - but again, those are usually weak women who weren't wifey material in the first place. They are clueless as to how to "get a life" (i.e. volunteering, getting a job, hobby, family/friends) when their man is gone...they look for sexual attention to fill their little "void" in their pathetic lives. I don't get it - in your OP you blamed the husband's straying on his wife's job choices, at least partially. Why is it that when the genders are reversed, the cheaters are 'weak women' and there is no blame on the men for choosing to be away? Do you think the husband of the woman in the OP was a 'weak man who was clueless how to get a life"? I do agree that distance and conflicting schedules generally pose additional obstacles to Rs - just wondering why there seems to be more focus on the woman's 'fault' in these posts. Edited February 21, 2015 by Elswyth
Author Gloria25 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I do agree that distance and conflicting schedules generally pose additional obstacles to Rs - just wondering why there seems to be more focus on the woman's 'fault' in these posts. Unlike some of my threads, I'm not putting the blame on women. My question about scheduling applies to both male and females. About the guy with the wifey with "stewardess" aspirations? Well, that's what he gets for marrying a woman w/o vetting her. I mean, I didn't know them long enough to know what his/her deals were.... But, like most military men, I think he picked up someone who would be dependent on him (who he probably would be his "anchor" to be home whenever he comes back from the field, deployments, and/or a hard day) and IMO, those women are so flakey, flighty, and usually are just looking for another meal ticket. The also get "bored" easily (hence, them sleeping around behind his back) So, no wonder she was just worried about lining up her pockets - even if that took her away from him. So, he was wrong in not making a good choice in wife - but like I said, they divorced, so I guess he wised up some. And, I'm not condoning his wandering eye, but if you are neglecting your spouse and you two are more like "roommates" than lovers, at some point they're gonna lose romantic interest. Same goes for guys that are in military/law enforcement/legal/medical - who are never home.
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