travis161647 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I have been talking to this girl for the last 14 months. I have had a crush on her the entire time and just found out she feels the same way. We had our first date yesterday and we kissed, made out, cuddled, and did other things. We both have admitted we love the other and want to be together. Shortly after dropping her off i recieved a text from her saying that she wanted to just be friends because she doesnt wanna risk the friendship due to a gut feeling that we wouldnt last long. Her past relationships have given this because they always ended up with her hurt and her losing the people because i have been there for most of the breakups. I have spent the last day trying to convince her that im not like that and that she needs to take the risk but she does not believ me.I am madly in love with her and have been for half a year now. I know she had a good time yesterday but she just doesnt want to risk the chance of me and her breaking up with the nasty breakups she has always had. Especially because she says im the cloest guy friend she has ever had and that she cannot lose meShe has always talked about wanting flowers from a guy because she has never recieved them and i planned to do that tomorrow, do i just drop them off or knock because i wouldnt know what to say? Do i give her what she wants and wait for another chance or do i keep trying? Any advice would be great because i cannot sleep at night and i cannot stop having break downs.
Buddhist Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) I am madly in love with her and have been for half a year now. I know she had a good time yesterday but she just doesnt want to risk the chance of me and her breaking up with the nasty breakups she has always had. Do i give her what she wants and wait for another chance or do i keep trying? Any advice would be great because i cannot sleep at night and i cannot stop having break downs. I think this is a miscommunication on her part to be honest. I think she just doesn't want to be your girlfriend but not because she's doesn't want to lose you etc.....because she's not feeling the love with you. What she said there sounds like young girl bull**** for....I like all the attention to give to me but I'm not very attracted to you. Any two people can make out and enjoy it, doesn't mean they felt anything beyond normal sexual desire that comes from touching someone in naughty places, or thinking about it. My advice is to take her rejection of you for what it is. It's a shame you feel madly for her because I suspect she does not feel the same for you. Continuing to maintain contact and hang out with her is just going to cause you pain because you will always be hoping that she will be with you. She on the other hand will enjoy your attention but eventually run off with some other guy and break your heart. Better to deal with the small heartbreak now, than the horrible one later. There is something you can to confirm this, call her and tell her that because you have feelings for her you cannot continue to be her guy friend. It isn't fair to you because you have feelings, so you can be her boyfriend or nothing at all. Take the 'lets be friends' card off the table. That isn't what you want and don't kid yourself that it is. She's made out with you, told you she likes you now she has to be honest about what she wants because she can't have you tagging along while she dates other guys. Edited February 21, 2015 by Buddhist
preraph Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 You guys ramped it up all at once, and I'm just wondering if she didn't kind of say what she thought adults were supposed to say under those circumstances, like she was going off a romantic comedy script. And then maybe she realized she didn't really mean she was in love with you and maybe wasn't all that into the making out. It's hard to know for sure, of course. Maybe things moved too fast for her, or maybe she decided it didn't feel right after all. I think you stay in contact for a bit and ask her to clarify her feelings. Say, I like you more than friends, but is just friends all you feel you can be with me? I really doubt it's out of fear of getting hurt again in the sense you are thinking. I just don't know anyone who does that.
Author travis161647 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 She sent me text messages saying that she doesn't want to take the chance of the way her past relationships ended because I'm the best friend she has ever had
Gary S Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 So respect her wishes and stop pursuing her. She is probably making excuses and does not have romantic feelings for you. Even if she were telling the truth, that would mean she has issues. Either way you slice it, it's not a match for you. Don't feel bad, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Winterina Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 She sent me text messages saying that she doesn't want to take the chance of the way her past relationships ended because I'm the best friend she has ever had she is obviously young as she doesn't know that a best guy friend is what you should be looking for in significant other. she might have realised after kissing you, though, that there is no chemistry. if this is the case she should be honest with you and not bs you. that much you deserve. tell her you cannot be just friends with her and don't wanna hang out like that. trust me, you will do yourself a favour. she will either wake up and try to be together. or not. if not, that is good for you. you are so hung up on her and don't pursue anyone else. you will not be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else while she is in your life. in the meanwhile you will have to watch her with others...stay away from her as a friend and don't see her as such any more.
ivionthenet Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think you should bring her flowers and talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her, and that you don't want to be just friends. After last night things won't be the same either way. Don't give her an ultimatum such as either lovers or nothing. You should ask her to be very honest and tell you how she feels... is she really that scared having her heart broken again or is she afraid of hurting your feelings by telling you the truth? I think both versions are possible and you deserve her honesty. Talk it over:-) and let us know
Author travis161647 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) I think you should bring her flowers and talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her, and that you don't want to be just friends. After last night things won't be the same either way. Don't give her an ultimatum such as either lovers or nothing. You should ask her to be very honest and tell you how she feels... is she really that scared having her heart broken again or is she afraid of hurting your feelings by telling you the truth? I think both versions are possible and you deserve her honesty. Talk it over:-) and let us know I know many relationships of hers end badly. I am always the one who has to get her to stop crying and pick up the pieces to make her feel better. I also know her life at home isn't the best because she was arguing with her mom before she came and I saw tears down her face at the movies. I'm not sure if any of that influenced her decision so I gave her a day and she has same decision so I don't believe it does influence it. This girl is amazing and I've been in love with her for so long now . The guys get what they want and leave afterwards and never talk to her again or tell rumors about her. I also know she doesn't have many friends due to this issue. But I know that I wouldn't do that stuff to her and I told her that. I am bringing her flowers today but I'm deathly afraid to knock due to the way we have argued and after everything that has happened. Our date was an instant connection and she led the way on what she wanted to do. I never rushed a move or anything I just let her have what she wanted. I hope most of you are wrong about this not being the truth because if it isn't i will be destroyed. If I could add links i would show the pictures of what she has said but I cannot Edited February 21, 2015 by travis161647
ExpatInItaly Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I know many relationships of hers end badly. I am always the one who has to get her to stop crying and pick up the pieces to make her feel better. I also know her life at home isn't the best because she was arguing with her mom before she came and I saw tears down her face at the movies. I'm not sure if any of that influenced her decision so I gave her a day and she has same decision so I don't believe it does influence it. This girl is amazing and I've been in love with her for so long now . The guys get what they want and leave afterwards and never talk to her again or tell rumors about her. I also know she doesn't have many friends due to this issue. But I know that I wouldn't do that stuff to her and I told her that. I am bringing her flowers today but I'm deathly afraid to knock due to the way we have argued and after everything that has happened. Our date was an instant connection and she led the way on what she wanted to do. I never rushed a move or anything I just let her have what she wanted. I hope most of you are wrong about this not being the truth because if it isn't i will be destroyed. If I could add links i would show the pictures of what she has said but I cannot OP, this is concerning. The fact that you said you're having breakdowns over this indicates you have become unhealthily attached to her. You need to detach for your own well-being. Of course it hurts when someone doesn't reciprocate our feelings but you should never give one person that much power. You need to stop being the one to pick up the pieces of her broken heart when other guys leave. That puts you in the awkward position of being the best friend but not the lover. It doesn't help to build a romantic connection. Whatever her reasons, she is now having doubts. Don't bring her flowers. Step back for a bit. Give her space and breathing room to sort out her feelings. She knows how you feel about her and something isn't sitting well at the moment. Intensifying your pursuit isn't going to help turn it around. Out of curiosity, how did the declarations of love come about? Who said what?
Author travis161647 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 any updates? did you talk to her? We talked and things then got bad. We argued and i kept bringing up about givin me a chance which got her upset and mad at me. Then her friend was texting me off a weird number and i threatened to call cops on it just for them to admit it was them and they both became pissed off. Ciera who is the girl im madly in love with has never been this mad at me and has never swore this much at me. I really blew it this time because now she doesnt want to talk to me at all. Her friend says i screwed up because Ciera never felt love with me and that i never asked ciera her opinion on her and me and that i never asked if she was upset which is everything i usually do. I tried to change stuff and instead i made it 100x worse by trying to think of me for once and not for her. Now i have to pay the extreme price of losing both of them until they can deal with ever talking to me again and will give me a chance if it ever happens. the friendships wont ever be close to the same anymore. We fought a week ago also but no fight has ever been like this one. I feel like a complete ***hole right now and cant believe myself.
Winterina Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 We talked and things then got bad. We argued and i kept bringing up about givin me a chance which got her upset and mad at me. Then her friend was texting me off a weird number and i threatened to call cops on it just for them to admit it was them and they both became pissed off. Ciera who is the girl im madly in love with has never been this mad at me and has never swore this much at me. I really blew it this time because now she doesnt want to talk to me at all. Her friend says i screwed up because Ciera never felt love with me and that i never asked ciera her opinion on her and me and that i never asked if she was upset which is everything i usually do. I tried to change stuff and instead i made it 100x worse by trying to think of me for once and not for her. Now i have to pay the extreme price of losing both of them until they can deal with ever talking to me again and will give me a chance if it ever happens. the friendships wont ever be close to the same anymore. We fought a week ago also but no fight has ever been like this one. I feel like a complete ***hole right now and cant believe myself. Remove yourself from unhealthy and unrewarding friendships. If these people were your friends they would AT LEAST understand what you are going through and would offer you something more than ridiculing you and sending messages from unknown numbers. Yes, you did not ask if she was upset - but has anyone asked you if you were hurt and upset and godknowswhatelse? Does anyone really care for you to offer you support YOU need? Don't have so little self-respect to beg for someone's friendship. Once again, these people are not your friends and neither is she. She is just using you for emotional support without giving you the same, in particular now, when you need it the most. Her primary concern is herself and how to get you to admire her and serve her still. My advice is GET ANGRY and stop bloody begging. Eventually, you will become indifferent. But do not associate any more with her or anyone around her. Find new friends and new life, and give it time, nothing will happen over night. 1
ivionthenet Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Now you at least know how she really feels. Move on. Love WILL happen to you again.
kendahke Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I have been talking to this girl for the last 14 months. I have had a crush on her the entire time and just found out she feels the same way. We had our first date yesterday and we kissed, made out, cuddled, and did other things. We both have admitted we love the other and want to be together. Shortly after dropping her off i recieved a text from her saying that she wanted to just be friends because she doesnt wanna risk the friendship due to a gut feeling that we wouldnt last long. Her past relationships have given this because they always ended up with her hurt and her losing the people because i have been there for most of the breakups. I have spent the last day trying to convince her that im not like that and that she needs to take the risk but she does not believ me.I am madly in love with her and have been for half a year now. I know she had a good time yesterday but she just doesnt want to risk the chance of me and her breaking up with the nasty breakups she has always had. Especially because she says im the cloest guy friend she has ever had and that she cannot lose meShe has always talked about wanting flowers from a guy because she has never recieved them and i planned to do that tomorrow, do i just drop them off or knock because i wouldnt know what to say? Do i give her what she wants and wait for another chance or do i keep trying? Any advice would be great because i cannot sleep at night and i cannot stop having break downs. Yes. Give her what she wants--she wants to remain friends and not turn it into a romantic relationship. If she doesn't want to enter into a relationship with you of her own volition, then no amount of you coercing her into one is going to make it work. Accept that she does not want that from you and deal with your feelings. It just isn't going to work out. Life is like that sometimes.
kendahke Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 We talked and things then got bad. We argued and i kept bringing up about givin me a chance which got her upset and mad at me. Then her friend was texting me off a weird number and i threatened to call cops on it just for them to admit it was them and they both became pissed off. Ciera who is the girl im madly in love with has never been this mad at me and has never swore this much at me. I really blew it this time because now she doesnt want to talk to me at all. Her friend says i screwed up because Ciera never felt love with me and that i never asked ciera her opinion on her and me and that i never asked if she was upset which is everything i usually do. I tried to change stuff and instead i made it 100x worse by trying to think of me for once and not for her. Now i have to pay the extreme price of losing both of them until they can deal with ever talking to me again and will give me a chance if it ever happens. the friendships wont ever be close to the same anymore. We fought a week ago also but no fight has ever been like this one. I feel like a complete ***hole right now and cant believe myself. Yeah, when you go after what you want and screw how the other person feels, then you back them into a corner and any cornered animal is going to come out fighting. It's time to just leave her be.
Author travis161647 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) Well we talked on Wednesday and she said to leave her alone cause I blew too many chances and screwed up because I messaged her friends about help and that I got people involved. She said if she wants to talk that she will message me but till then to do nothing. Her friends believe that ciera doesn't plan on messaging me and she said it to get me to leave her alone. This information crushed me. I havnt slept decent in 10 days and have dreams about ciera being hurt or me losing her forever. I can't stand the fact of seeing a tweet about her bad day and needing someone to talk to because that was the reason I messaged her on Wednesday. I just want to be able to be there for her and help her with those bad things again. It's all I want. The dreams repeat every night for the past 4 nights. Bad thoughts are entering my head and depression is starting to kick in due to this and family issues. I've lost the person I always go to about my issues and her friend who is also my friend that helps me deal with depression issues now rarely has a decent response and just says idk. My life and feelings are literally falling apart and depression is coming back in. Edited March 2, 2015 by travis161647
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