SCOTTsTIX Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I wanted to post here after browsing for the last few weeks to say thanks for all the posts that you have individually made on here.... they have comforted me when I have felt so low at times. In a nutshell, I had been with my ex for 8 1/2 years.....and they were mostly the most wonderful years ever, and something I will I'm sure treasure in the future when I look back. Everything began to change last spring when his mum had a stroke and sadly died in May. Our long term plan had always been to move across the country to start a new life, and I guess this solidified in his mind when he lost his mum and became an orphan. In the meantime my dad became very unwell and I wanted to put off moving so as to spend time with my parents. On top of this I have a very stressful job and although he kept asking me to give it up, I didn't as it was still a sort of security for me- I was never the perfect boyfriend, and i know that looking back, but I worked so hard to comfort him whilst his mum was still alive and also after her death. It never was enough and I began to see and feel him pulling away from me. a few days before Xmas I tried to make a real effort to say I woud cook him a dinner and spend the day with him alone rather than go to my parents as was planned as it was his first xmas without his mum- he looked at me and said 'I wish you wouldn't keep being so nice to me'......I was blindsided when I asked what that was supposed to mean and he said he needed to move now to be with his remaining relative across the country. I asked if I was to up sticks and go with him immediately if it would make any difference, but he just sat there and cried and said no. When we got home that evening he cried some more, but rather than beg and plead, I said I would move out that weekend whilst he was away. I did. and it was hard. He did leave me a note to say he hoped we could stay in contact as he was hurting terribly, and would miss me 'dreadfully' but knew I probably wouldn't given that it was him that ended it. I didn't. 2 months on I am still lost and very sad- and was so completely blindsided. I do wish him well, but feel so hurt still at the way it ended. I keep thinking I could have done things different, but it's only with the benefit of hindsight that I can now see that the last year was pretty awful. He changed, and maybe I could have done more........maybe. What I do want to say is I kept NC since the day I walked away after being dumped. Yes it hurts. Yes you wonder why they haven't contacted you. Did 8 plus years mean so little? Does he hurt? I don't know. But I do know this..... If anything positive came from this, it's that I maintained NC, no he hasn't contacted me, but I haven't him either. I have at least walked away with some dignity and self worth. I didn't beg, I didn't plead. I kept my head high even when I felt like crawling away. And thats my advice to some of you. It does get better, little bit by little bit. I just bought a car and I'm desperate to buy a new cat!! (the one I loved he kept) Just keep going and maintain that NC. Hold your head high, it hurts I know. Thanks for all the encouraging things I have read here- they have really helped. We're all right you know. 1
na49 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you for sharing your story. I'm having a really weak couple of days, and needed a reminder of why I should stay NC. I have been wanting to check her Facebook for the past few days just to push myself in the right direction, but I did earlier last week and it sucked. I also want to text her, but I don't know what I would say. Sorry that your relationship came to an end. My relationship was 3 years and it feels like a big loss, an 8 year relationship coming to an end must be just as devastating.
darkbloom Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you for the story. I am currently almost 2 months NC and I feel better than ever. I know my ex is hurting, but he has changed. I think I love the person he used to be and no longer the person he is today. I miss his family the most and that's been the hardest part to cope with. I am so proud of myself for having kept strict NC. I have never been able to do it before, but today I am stronger than ever. I encourage everyone to take a breakup as an opportunity to become a better person and to let new things happen to them xoxoxo 1
lumberjac Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 this is one truly inspiring story. 8 and a half year is a long time and its great to see you able to stay so strong. I would probably be a complete mess if I were you. It's only been one month since my gf broke up with me and I do still think about her from time to time, stuff we did together or what she's doing right at this moment. She's a great girl and I miss her in my heart, and I really hope I will see her again one day.
Author SCOTTsTIX Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Thanks for replying- I know it's tough. Sitting here tonight with a glass of wine with Gold channel on Sky :confused:it seems like everything you see and every emotion you feel is somehow tied up in that old life with that person you loved. I think I need to remember things were funny before I met my ex, and they can be funny again too. I'm in no frame of mind to meet anyone else. Keep your chins up- things will get better, I promise.
darkbloom Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 It is weird that memories are tied to songs you used to listen to and food you used to eat together. I am feeling good about the breakup. I still have not eaten at any of the restaurants we used to eat at together though. I live in a small town that masquerades as a big city. For a city with 3 million + people you think that I would not run into him. So far I have not by strictly hanging out where I know he will not be. I am wondering at what point in my healing I will feel strong enough to visit those places that I know he might be. I have also avoided our bar scene like the plague because that is where I am most likely to see him. A song came on Pandora the other day that I know he would love. And I wanted to share it with him like old times. But I couldn't. So I sat in my car and enjoyed it. It is all so bittersweet.
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