marcelo.santos Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 sorry about my poor english: I'm on NC - its better to talk about my ex with my friends or is better to avoid it? My 7 month ex dumped me 40 days ago (me:41, she:31) - now I'm on NC, blocked her everywhere...she is still on my mind every part of the day - I have a small 1% hope that she will come back... but I'm moving on as I know this will not happen... I have a very good friend, that I talk with her regularly... she is helping me a lot I use to talk things like.. " what I did wrong", "why is so easy for my ex...", things like that. But my friend told me today, that she thinks that I will heal faster if I even dont talk about my ex with nobody anymore. What is your opinion? Is better to do not talk about my ex? Will it help me? The point is that I feel better immediately after talking about what happened.
Satu Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Its good to have somebody to talk about it with, but it might not be a friend. If you have a friend who is willing to be your listener, thats ok, but not everyone would be willing. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Talking about your break up is OK if it's helping you heal, rather than dwell. When it starts holding back your recovery, stop talking about him. 3
na49 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think that it depends on what you are talking about in relation to your ex. It might be nice to just talk sh*t about her to your friends, and tell them all of the weird/disgusting things about her that they didn't know. If you talk about her and are reminiscing about all the fun you used to have, then I'd say it's a bad idea. 1
lalalonely Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Talking to friends has been extremely helpful to me and allowed me to recovery MUCH faster. But I also talked to numerous friends, family and coworkers - probably 10-15 different people in total! I felt I needed PERSPECTIVE. My previous breakup led to depression, so I was hell bent on doing anything to avoid that state of mind. Luckily I have great friends and we talk about it for hours. Of course, a couple of friends I could tell could only stand it for about 15 minutes. Others we would talk for hours. I think a big thing when talking to friends, is that you actually listen to what they have to say, rather than you just venting. It was more of an advice and counseling session of THEIR input and experiences. Heck, I have no problem even talking to strangers about it. Do what you need to do to heal. I think you will know when it is time to stop relying on friends to hold your hand every minutes, to where it just becomes more of an "update" of how you are doing and if anything new has happened, breadcrumbs, etc. Also, you just need to make sure you are APPLYING the advice that is being given, rather than just having it go in one ear and out the other. I am 3 months post break up and am at the "update" stage. But the 1st 1.5 months was brutal on my friends Im sure, especially bc we had the Thanksgiving to NYE holidays to deal with. Hope this helps!!
rollercoaster11 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think its ok to talk to your true friends that won't judge you and have your best interest at heart but everyone that you may talk to will get tired of listening to you and will start to avoid you. I have this friend that really wants to see me happy and has very long ears...thats from me stretching them out... from constantly talking about my problem. Be very selective about who you talk to. People have their on lives and tend to not be so understanding unless they are going through something. Talking does help so as long as your friends don't mind then do what helps you to heal. Hang in there...this too share pass.
Author marcelo.santos Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you all for your replies!! I will think about! Talking to friends has been extremely helpful to me and allowed me to recovery MUCH faster. But I also talked to numerous friends, family and coworkers - probably 10-15 different people in total! I felt I needed PERSPECTIVE. My previous breakup led to depression, so I was hell bent on doing anything to avoid that state of mind. Luckily I have great friends and we talk about it for hours. Of course, a couple of friends I could tell could only stand it for about 15 minutes. Others we would talk for hours. I think a big thing when talking to friends, is that you actually listen to what they have to say, rather than you just venting. It was more of an advice and counseling session of THEIR input and experiences. Heck, I have no problem even talking to strangers about it. Do what you need to do to heal. I think you will know when it is time to stop relying on friends to hold your hand every minutes, to where it just becomes more of an "update" of how you are doing and if anything new has happened, breadcrumbs, etc. Also, you just need to make sure you are APPLYING the advice that is being given, rather than just having it go in one ear and out the other. I am 3 months post break up and am at the "update" stage. But the 1st 1.5 months was brutal on my friends Im sure, especially bc we had the Thanksgiving to NYE holidays to deal with. Hope this helps!! thank you for your time and sharing your history, it helped me a lot!! 1
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