Me. Myself and I Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 (edited) Hi all I'll try and make this short and sweet, my boyfriend of nearly a year and I have split. Things were great to start with around 2 months ago I started to moan because he got comfortable and asked continually why he didn't so the things he used too. I brought up children and marriage quite a bit and started to get a little funny when he was asking about going on lads holidays. I got a little funny with the whole female friends thing and him checking out other girls. He told me it was all too much and needed space. The next day he text me to say he was collecting his things. I asked him if he had time to think, he said yes and hasn't changed his mind. From then on ignored me. When he arrived to collect his things I asked him if I could have 5 mins of his time. I said I was sorry for being demanding and causing drama in the relationship mainly because he could say I love you but said he felt it. and that this has been a big wake up call, this is very true. He listened but still insisted he was taking his stuff, I tried to talk while he was taking his things to the car, I asked if he had any feelings left for me he said yes or course there is feelings but I need my own time (we lived together) I asked him how much time he needed and he said he couldn't tell me, and if I felt it was too long to move on and that I should contact him after some time has passed. After he left I noticed he defriended me on FB and removed all our photos, I was angry at this because is just told him how I feel. I text him to ask if what he said earlier was just him mugging me off and that I noticed he removed me from face book. He did reply and said I'm not mugging you off, if I was i would have blocked you and your number, please leave it. I feel it's my fault for being demanding in other areas this was just one of them I feel I put pressure on the relationship. I don't know if time will change his mind ultimately he said he has to think whether I'm just saying the things I say to get him back or if I've realised my ways. That and if he thinks it's worth it. I hadn't said I wanted the children stuff now but before I was 35 other than the issues I've been causing a drama over we get on great. Our personalities are perfect together. It concerns me that he's said from his past experience issues don't just go away, but I know what I've caused and have learned from it. I know moving on is the best option but I can't help think there is something there... On he same level he didn't have to reply to my text asking about "mugging me off" he chose to reply to it so hasn't cut off all lines of communication just yet. Do you think he will come around or I've blown it with guy? I also don't know if I should leave it a few weeks and drop a text or just wait to hear from him. I'm highly confused and could really use some perspective please. Edited February 20, 2015 by Me. Myself and I
mightycpa Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 You didn't blow it, you nailed it! From what you've written, it is clear he didn't want to marry you. You could have hung out another year or two or three to find that out, but you found out now, and you took the right steps. Don't second-guess yourself. You nailed it! 2
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you for your words. I can't help feel that if I didn't put that pressure there it would be different. He hasn't completely cut me off from communication because he hasn't blocked me nor my number. Is it just that he needs space? He said to leave it a while and contact him, I asked if I should wait to hear from him and he said something like that. Other than the pressure I put on. We got on fine.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Anyone out there please?
Ruby65 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I agree with the above post, I don't think he wanted to marry you and when you brought up the future he simply bailed. You have a right to want what you want. You shouldn't have to apologize for it. The right guy won't bolt on you when you bring it up! Sure, you could've bit your tongue and never brought up marriage and waited around hoping for something that wouldn't have happened.... but what a waste of time for you! This guy has red flags all over the place -- suspicious female friends, checking out other women, pushing for "space", wanting to look instantly single on Facebook (taking down your pictures)... I don't think he's going to be with any one person for very long at this point in his life. Please pull yourself together and try to focus on YOU right now, on your own healing. Read through the guides and threads on No Contact and start protecting yourself from anymore painful contact with him. Block him on every site you use -- right now, ignorance is bliss. Lean on the other people in your life, let them help you through this. Contacting him isn't going to make you feel better right now, only worse! Time is your friend -- it does get better, but it takes a while.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you for replying it has hurt that he's done the whole FB thing and to leave it until he collected his belongings first. The strange thing is he made me believe it's what he want too, I asked several times if he was on the same page as me and he said yes, I'm not getting any younger either. So I just don't understand it. Why is that he's made me believe this stuff moved in with me agreed with what if been saying and then just left. Part of me is still thinking space might help but I think I'm in denial. Who just removes a person from their life if they just needed space? Why be so quick to make yourself look single? Why put in all that effort to make me fall in love, but then bail when things got deep?y head is all over the place. Although I've had a massive urge to contact him, I haven't. I figure I'll leave it a few weeks and see what happens. Deep down I don't think he will even give me a thought. But there is that little part of me that thinks. Maybe just maybe....
Ruby65 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I'm sure he's going to think of you -- and even miss you and parts of the relationship. Don't sell yourself short! And I doubt he was trying to deliberately mislead you or lie about wanting a committed relationship. It could be he was hoping his feelings would get stronger over time, or it could be his feelings started stronger and then faded. Who knows? But it sounds like his feelings changed somewhere along the line. It hurts, but it happens. I think what's the most telling here is that he's looking to other women and has been for a while, and that's not okay. That's why I wouldn't invest anymore time and energy in this man. You deserve much, much better! Right now it's just about being good to yourself, helping yourself to heal and move on. Read the NC Guide posted in this section. You've got PLENTY of time to find someone who's much better suited -- and you will, once you've gotten past this breakup.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you very much. I'll do that just now. He is quite stubborn and I think his pride would get in the way of contacting me. He feels he's a mans man and had issues with dealing with his emotional side. He never once said out right I love you, I think I put a lot of pressure on that too. But would have thought being together for almost a year, that it would come. He explained he has always been this way.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I can't help think that if I didn't push, and let things happen, it would have been different.
Ruby65 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I can't help think that if I didn't push, and let things happen, it would have been different. Sweetie, please don't do this to yourself. Of course you can reduce your needs down to nothing to try and keep someone who doesn't want to give you anything.... but is that really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Walking on eggshells to keep someone who's got one foot out the door? And I'm sorry, but.... he never said "I love you" -- ???? You deserve so much better than this.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I did go on a lot about it, a hell of a lot because of being hurt before with it. He had said of course I love you but couldn't directly say it because it made he feel soft, and embarrassed.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I am so tempted to ask if he feels it's fully over. When we spoke when he collected his things I felt he was sticking to his decision because of his friends advice, and just being stubborn. I text him yesterday after he defriended me and removed out pictures saying I've noticed you've removed me from Facebook. Were you just mugging me of earlier? Please be honest I need to know. He replied with if I was mugging you of it would have been blocked Facebook and number...just leave it please. He didn't have to reply to that did he? He knew I was upset, I didn't cry but told him I miss him and everything about us before he left. I also may of mentioned that I kept a previous ex on FB after a previous split so he could see I was doing well with my life. He was a nasty piece of work and made me unwell. I don't know if that played on his mind to remove me?
Ruby65 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 It's time to stop making excuses for him. You accepted his unacceptable behavior during the relationship... no need to keep doing it now. In time, you'll see it's a blessing he's gone. He wasn't going to give you what you wanted -- and feeling guilty for wanting those things isn't the answer now. The answer lies in realizing you were incompatible and taking steps to heal yourself so you can move on and find someone who CAN give you what you want in a relationship. Most important is to protect yourself from any fresh new incoming pain, which is why No Contact is recommended.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I know it seems like I am making excuses, but there were good things he did. He cooked for me every night,fantastic meals he did buy me some gifts, he bought me a gorgeous dress for my birthday and took me out for a meal. He made me feel like I've never felt before and that was wanted. That's why I'm finding it so difficult now, we were looking at holidays just a few days ago. This is why I feel it is my fault, he kept putting the things to the back of his head but I just kept on. Before these issues started we got on great just like best friends.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Valentines day I caused an argument in the morning. He'd already brought my flowers and a card and was taking me for a meal. I caused an argument because he hadn't said I love you. And signed the card just love from. He even put rise petals inside. Why would someone make that effort if they didn't care? He told me he's never brought anyone flowers even his own mother.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I'm sorry I know it must seem like I'm going on. I just need to talk about it.
Ruby65 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Imagine -- wanting to hear "I love you" on Valentine's Day!! The nerve of you. Look, I know it's hard right now, but it WILL get easier. You've been grateful for the scraps he's tossed your way.... but in time, you'll come to realize you don't have to settle for scraps in a relationship! You deserve someone who isn't checking out other women, who doesn't have a problem telling you how he feels or planning a future together. These are all signs that he's either not wanting to commit in general, or not wanting to commit to you in particular. Either way -- he wasn't The One for you. 1
Ruby65 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I'm sorry I know it must seem like I'm going on. I just need to talk about it. Post all you want -- that's what this board is here for!
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Ok, but why do the little things? He asked to move in, I never brought up the subject. He said he wants to have children and get married. I did being this up very early into the relationship at first. And told him why. I'd already wasted time before. He hates when I say I don't want to waste my time, and says he feels he's on a timeline or schedule. The checking out other girls, I don't mean him lingering, just noticing them, don't all guys do this? Would a guy even talk about these things if it's not wha he wanted? He isn't the type of person to tell me what I want to hear, I know this because of the I love you thing.
seminoles84 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Would a guy even talk about these things if it's not wha he wanted? He isn't the type of person to tell me what I want to hear, I know this because of the I love you thing. You're over thinking everything which is totally normal during a break up. Yes he could easily have said those things and not necessarily meant it. The relationship was only a year long which in the grand scheme of things isn't that long.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Do you think that time might make him change the fact he thinks it's all been to much? He said he needed space, he felt trapped almost and needed time for himself. Is there a possibility that he may want to try again? It's hit hard how my actions have caused this break up.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I know it wasn't that long, but it felt longer because of how the relationship panned out, he wanted to spend the majority of his time with me, that was his choice.
seminoles84 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Do you think that time might make him change the fact he thinks it's all been to much? He said he needed space, he felt trapped almost and needed time for himself. Is there a possibility that he may want to try again? It's hit hard how my actions have caused this break up. You HAVE TO give him the space he has requested. If you are texting, calling, fbing him he will never know what it's like to not have you there and have a chance to miss you. This time of NC really give you a chance to work on your own issues as well.
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Thank you. I haven't been in constant contact just a few texts. I haven't called him nor have I FB him - he defriended me and removed our pictures. The last text I sent was saying I noticed he removed me from FB and was he mugging me off please be honest I need to know. He did reply to say if I was mugging you off it would have been blocked face book and number just leave it please. I'm going to give him space, but how long before it's obvious he isn't coming back?
Author Me. Myself and I Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Anyone out there please?
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