SeelBubble Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Slightly unusual situation here but looking for advice. Recently my bf made a 'joke' that genuinely upset my 18 year old sister and I sided with her and told him he was being crass only now he's gone cold and dare I say a little rude around my sister. Here's the background. I come from Wales and every year we have a massive cultural festival celebrating arts, music, drama and history. It's a ten day festival essentially and this year my hometown hosted the event. My sister and I are fluent Welsh speakers and have studied Welsh literature and music and so for us this was a big deal (especially my sister who really has a huge passion for this sort of thing) So I invited my bf to come and visit and come to the festival but he refused. My sister and I went without him and had a great time. Over the course of the day he sent me a few texts asking what I was up to (he'd remembered that we were going to the festival that day because I'd been gushing about it quite a bit haha) Basically he started saying how glad he was that he didn't go because as an Engishman he'd be 'bored' and I told him that he was actually missing out on a great day (hundreds of English people actually come to Wales especially for the festival) My sister suggested I take a photo of a group of poets in the traditional 'druid' outfit that those competing in the poetry competition wear (baring in mind that this is one of the highest honours in Wales) and send it to my bf. I did and he replies saying he's glad he didn't go to a festival for the KKK. I was quite shocked by his reply and showed my sister who was as shocked as I was - so much so that she actually cried. I told him he was insensitive and that our history actually means quite a lot to us and he apologised but now he's giving my sister the cold shoulder. They don't see each other much -only through me- and I'm not asking them to be best friends but I don't like that he's the one being rude to her. Am I wrong to side with my sister?
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Not at all. This guy sounds insecure and nasty. He sounds like he is trying to deliberately monopolise your time so you won't spend any time with your sister. I'd be looking for a new boyfriend. One that isn't a dick. 1
Zahara Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I think you're wrong for being with such an immature jerk. 1
guest569 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 He does sound very immature. If you cant even go and spend a day with your sister without him texting you all day i think there are problems. What is he, jealous of your family? You're right to side with your sister. Fair enough if he was joking around but saying "how boring, glad i didnt go" about something he knows you are keen on is a bit rude. And if someone is cold towards my family they're out. 2
preraph Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 You all just have to understand that there's running jokes between all the different UK locals, whether Scottish, Welch, English or Irish. They all poke fun at each other and their traditions and feign disinterest. I wouldn't take it seriously. I wouldn't quarrel about his comment. If it wasn't okay with you to have to keep texting him all day while trying to be in the company of someone else, then that should be the issue you address, not a smartass comment.
Winterina Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 not to say that everyone's same but your sister and you are overreacting. he might have just had that kind of sense of humour... my bf would be long gone if he didn't find my Jew jokes funny. I totally get where he is coming from concerning festival like that and it does not have to come as a personal insult that he finds it boring. Reference to KKK was actually meant to be funny. I think labelling him as insensitive is just too much. you are, on the other hand, too sensitive. you can say you don't appreciate his sense of humour but for her to cry about it is a waaaay over the top. no wonder he is now giving her the cold shoulder, id be unsure too how to act around someone like that. he certainly cannot be himself. so instead of all this drama over nothing why don't you tell him that you understand he is joking but that in these settings you don't appreciate it. and then go and slap your sister and tell her to stop being such drama queen. give guy a break.
Treasa Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I don't know. I think the guy's an ass. However, if he's good to you in every other way, then you could stick with him and just not ever invite him to any events like this going forward. However, why would you show your sister what he said? Why would you show him a picture of something he's not interested in? However, I would tell him that he needs to be nice to my sister, or else things are off.
kendahke Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Just because Edward I conquered Wales doesn't mean all Englishmen are right to look down their noses on Wales. The Welch are really striving hard to maintain their language and customs, which appear to be disappearing at a fast rate. I say bravo to you and your sister for having the interest in preserving your heritage and there is nothing boring or backwards about doing that. Also, this isn't about him saying that a Welch festival was boring to him as an Englishman. It's about him comparing poets dressed as druids reciting Welch poetry to the kkk--a terrorist hate organization who set fire to crucifixes they place on the front lawns of African Americans and Jews in the middle of the night as a means to terrorize them and drive them out of their homes. That is offensive. There is no comparison there. He isn't as smart as he thinks he is if he's pulling that isht out of his a$$. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 As a guy I can tell you that he is a total jerk. Def side with your sister on this one. As for that guy - dump him. 1
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 He sounds immature and rude....you are in the right! 1
losangelena Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Does he have a history of being kind of assy? If not, this could just be a texting problem, miscommunication of tone, etc. He sounds a bit immature, but not malicious. Perhaps your sister took it a bit hard?
Author SeelBubble Posted March 1, 2015 Author Posted March 1, 2015 I don't know. I think the guy's an ass. However, if he's good to you in every other way, then you could stick with him and just not ever invite him to any events like this going forward. However, why would you show your sister what he said? Why would you show him a picture of something he's not interested in? However, I would tell him that he needs to be nice to my sister, or else things are off. I sent him the picture because he was texting me at the time asking what I was up to so figured I'd send him the photo. And I showed my sister because 1) she's my sister and basically my go to person for discussing relationships and 2) because she knew I'd sent the image and was wondering what his reply would be
Author SeelBubble Posted March 1, 2015 Author Posted March 1, 2015 Does he have a history of being kind of assy? If not, this could just be a texting problem, miscommunication of tone, etc. He sounds a bit immature, but not malicious. Perhaps your sister took it a bit hard? He can be a bit harsh at times and has in the past made some comments that I felt had crossed the line but normally it's when I'm with him in person. My sister probably did over-react but she herself said to me "I feel so stupid reacting this way" which in a way makes it worse for me, she knew she was coming across as dramatic but it was a genuine reaction.
Author SeelBubble Posted March 1, 2015 Author Posted March 1, 2015 Just want to point out to people that I'm not usually one to get upset by welsh v english comments - I went to uni in england and I've heard every joke under the sun. I think the issue with this is that my BF is not a natural comic as in, if he's making a joke in a text message he'll add a 'lol' or a smiley.
guest569 Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 So has anything changed? He still cold towards your sister?
mightycpa Posted March 2, 2015 Posted March 2, 2015 showed my sister who was as shocked as I was - so much so that she actually cried. That's a little much, I think. Notice how you say "she actually cried" as if it is a little unbelievable to you too. It sounds like both of them need to chill.
Author SeelBubble Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 So has anything changed? He still cold towards your sister? Still cold yes, she's over it and is being polite/chatty/normal around him but he isn't. I was picking her up from work the other day and told her to meet me in the coffee place around the corner as I was already there with him and when I went to the bathroom apparently he didn't say a word to her and simply sat there and when she did make conversation (asked him how his parents were) he gave her one word answers... To be honest he was a little cool around her before this incident so it's beginning to really annoy me. Especially since my sister hasn't really done anything to upset him - she barely knows him really.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Still cold yes, she's over it and is being polite/chatty/normal around him but he isn't. I was picking her up from work the other day and told her to meet me in the coffee place around the corner as I was already there with him and when I went to the bathroom apparently he didn't say a word to her and simply sat there and when she did make conversation (asked him how his parents were) he gave her one word answers... To be honest he was a little cool around her before this incident so it's beginning to really annoy me. Especially since my sister hasn't really done anything to upset him - she barely knows him really. Sorry, but if I was seeing a girl and she treated my sister that way, it would be over. You need to draw the line with your family.
Arieswoman Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Op, You asked, Am I wrong to side with my sister? No. My only question would be, why would a smart, educated girl like you want to go out with a guy who is acting like a spoiled brat?
serial muse Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Still cold yes, she's over it and is being polite/chatty/normal around him but he isn't. I was picking her up from work the other day and told her to meet me in the coffee place around the corner as I was already there with him and when I went to the bathroom apparently he didn't say a word to her and simply sat there and when she did make conversation (asked him how his parents were) he gave her one word answers... To be honest he was a little cool around her before this incident so it's beginning to really annoy me. Especially since my sister hasn't really done anything to upset him - she barely knows him really. Well, even if she did overreact (which I think is debatable; his comment was jerky anyway), at this point he is CLEARLY the one overreacting. She's being polite, he's being an ass. Bleh.
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