thelilorfn Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 First it was the porn. Didn't matter how often we had sex (and I certainly didn't do it just to be a "good wife"). It got to the point where I was finding it every where...on the dvr, on his work computer, in the closet, under the bed,even on MY computer and my recording device. It was that much more upsetting b/c I sure as hell wasn't looking for it. It was absolutely killing my self-esteem. Then he says "share it with him". So, like a fool I compromised myself and watched what he wanted. And it was ALL about him. What HE liked. Talking about how nice the girl's t#ts looked, etc. I finally said no more b/c I couldn't lie to myself anymore. That only with this porn did he show an enthusiasm I hadn't experienced since the first few years. Then it was his mouth. Couldn't watch the most innocent thing on TV, and he would go off on this constant commentary about someone's ass, do you think her boobs are real...ad nauseaum. Then it was disrespect. Openly drooling at women while we were out in public. One day while walking in the mall he said "You know, we are opposites. I'm tall, you're short. I'm black, you're white. I'm good looking, you're not." And he continued walking. Like what he said was okay. Then it was anger-I got blamed for our medical insurance being cancelled. I was berated for not getting the right brand at the supermarket. I couldn't be contacted when his car broke down. So I finally said marriage counselor or bust. We went to the marriage counselor twice. The counselor didn't want my husband in his office after my husband became loud and belligerent in response to being confronted with how disrespectful he was toward me. I wanted out at that point. Then he got an operation to repair his urethra. My thought at the time was to stay long enough for him to recuperate and then I was gone. The operation left his penis so mutilated he couldn't even urinate. The doctor sent him home with a flesh eating disease that almost killed him and then the dr. abandoned him, leaving the state. For the past 3 years it has been constant near death medical problems, a completely broken penis, and 3 harrowing surgeries that had to be done by the best urologist in the world b/c NO OTHER UROLOGIST had a clue as to how to fix my husband. In these 3 years I have seen him humbled. I have seen him gain a new compassion and empathy for others. He's become openly Christian and kind. Honestly I have nothing to say bad. Against all predictions and expectations, he not only can urinate on his own again, he can actually have sex. And I don't want him near me. His penis is less than half the size it used to be. To be painfully honest, I can barely tell when it's in me. I certainly DO NOT have orgasms. He barely lasts 4 minutes. So, after 3 years of being a dutiful wife, daily cooking 3 meals, washing 3 loads of laundry, helping him shower, always arranging his clothes for the day in the order he puts them on b/c he's always confused, getting his scripts and setting them up in the pill tray,making ride arrangements for appointments, setting up visiting nurses visits, going with him on hours long out-of-state trips to see his surgeon, doing all the grocery shopping (without a car) supporting us both all alone...and getting so exhausted from it all I have become very ill myself... Now he wants sex which leaves me frustrated and angry angry angry. I want to cry all the time. This is the nail in the coffin for me. I feel used used used. And so resentful. And I feel intensely guilty for being repulsed by his appearance, lack of size, short duration ability. I am seething with anger over this. I feel like nothing more than something to be used. I am angry angry angry. I cry all the time. AND I CAN'T STAND HAVING SEX WITH HIM.
StalwartMind Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 The relationship should probably of ended those 3 years ago before he had the operation to get his urethra repaired. Either way it wasn't an ideal situation, but putting up with his manners, attitude and behavior didn't do you any favors. Despite his improvement in some departments, these three years most of all just seem like you've been postponing the inevitable. No human is supposed to be angry or cry all the time, you're just putting yourself through severe torment. Can't fault you for not having been a good wife being there for him, but any unbalanced relationship takes it tool on one part at least. I can't in good conscience advise anyone to stay in any environment that is harmful to them or makes them feel otherwise unhappy. I do understand that people of faith and others will stick through anything because they believe it's the only right thing to do. I'm not going to debate or argue against that, in the end it's our own responsibility to make the choices we find the most relevant to our daily life.
SycamoreCircle Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 OP, your stories from previous threads don't match up. What game are you playing?
preraph Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I don't know if this is real or fake and don't much care. The upshot of it is that you need to stay focused on why you needed to leave to begin with and not be influenced by guilt. If he is like you said he is, he is a completely disrespectful 100% jerk who doesn't deserve to have anyone nice in his life. So leave.
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