londonlady82 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 (edited) Hi all, I've recently starting dating after joining Match. In the last three weeks I've met three guys: guy 1) I met for two dates then decided he got on my nerves. Guy 2) been out with twice, really nice guy and enjoy his company. Guy 3) generous and chatty but couldn't wait for the date to be over really. I'm seeing guy 2 again tomorrow for a third date. As I said above, he's really nice etc. Quite shy though. We've only sent a couple of texts since I last saw him. Not excited about seeing him to be honest... I wonder how do you KNOW when you're meant to keep seeing them? How many dates are you meant to go on before you "feel" something? I know the fact that I'm not even looking forward to seeing him isn't a good sign... Edited February 20, 2015 by londonlady82
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Hmm I'd say 1 or 2 dates should give you a good vibe about someone. If you really like the guy, give him signs that you're into him, he'll go for the kiss at the end of the night and then you can gauge the physical chemistry and see if its there or not. 1
Otter2569 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I honestly had a good feeling based on the emails we exchanged on the dating site (POF). They were light, fun, honest and sincere. Our first date lasted for over 5 hours. Our second date lasted over 5 hours also and we've been together ever since (9 months). best of luck to you!! 1
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Go anyway. Shy people don't give fantastic first impressions but as their confidence builds they come out of their shells. It could just be that he's coming across a bit inhibited and so you cannot really see who he is, but over time you might get a better look at it. 3
Gary S Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 If you really like the guy, give him signs that you're into him, he'll go for the kiss at the end of the night and then you can gauge the physical chemistry and see if its there or not. - This. Like the song says, "It's in his kiss". 3
alphamale Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I wonder how do you KNOW when you're meant to keep seeing them? you start to shake all over and your fingers and toes start to tingle and you can only talk in pig latin
BluEyeL Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Go anyway. Shy people don't give fantastic first impressions but as their confidence builds they come out of their shells. It could just be that he's coming across a bit inhibited and so you cannot really see who he is, but over time you might get a better look at it. This. My boyfriend is like that and it took about 5 dates to loosen up a bit and for me to feel more connected and it kept building from there. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 You just "know" I realize that is not helpful but it's the truth. On some levels it's easier to eliminate the ones who are not the ones. If after a while you don't feel an increasing or deeper connection, for me it was a steady calmness, they are not the one. 1
bu2002 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think on some level, the anticipation of seeing them should escalate a little after each date. I went out with a girl last year on about 4 dates, and I realized after date 4 I didn't feel any differently than I did after date 1. The following day it hit me that if I didn't hear from her all day I really wouldn't care. She was nice to hang out with and there always something to talk about. I just didn't feel "it"
GravityMan Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think it's just a strong gut feeling, or an intuition. I don't think it's necessary or worthwhile to understand the intricate details behind this. There are things in life that don't need to be distilled down to a precise science. For most people, they just KNOW after a short while, and that's plenty good enough. 3
preraph Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 If you're having more fun seeing them than not seeing them, then they're enhancing your life. If you're spending more time fretting than having fun with them, they're not. And as far as long term, dating is the only way to know whether they're right or not. 1
sportygirl89 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 You get a certain feeling. Like your gut knows. I've dated two guys off of online sites and no real chemistry. I tried just could not. I tend to do better with in person. This one guy I kind of have a crush on has given me comfort while we talk. I'm not rushing it. So I figured I'll give hanging out a few more weeks. If the feeling subsides then the boy isn't worth it.
alphamale Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think on some level, the anticipation of seeing them should escalate a little after each date. I went out with a girl last year on about 4 dates, and I realized after date 4 I didn't feel any differently than I did after date 1. The following day it hit me that if I didn't hear from her all day I really wouldn't care. She was nice to hang out with and there always something to talk about. I just didn't feel "it" you don't have to feel "it" to get some sex...
Author londonlady82 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I think on some level, the anticipation of seeing them should escalate a little after each date. I went out with a girl last year on about 4 dates, and I realized after date 4 I didn't feel any differently than I did after date 1. The following day it hit me that if I didn't hear from her all day I really wouldn't care. She was nice to hang out with and there always something to talk about. I just didn't feel "it" This answer hit the nail in the head for me. Seeing guy 2 for third date later today and feeling very meh about it. We've exchanged about 4 or 5 texts since our last date 9 days ago and I haven't cared really. Probably pointless going today but I'll give it one more shot and if go away still nothing, I'm gonna leave it for good.
Buddhist Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 you don't have to feel "it" to get some sex... Actually, some women do. 1
regine_phalange Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think you should trust your gut. Do you feel "something" when you look at him? Liking, fascination, warmth, comfort, attraction, any feeling that gives you energy and a weird happiness? Do you feel "something" when he looks in your eyes? Does his gaze make you feel great even days after when you recall it? If you feel/see nothing then there's no chemistry.
Otter2569 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Gary, you are so right! I believe that the kiss is all telling. On the first date with my GF we agreed that we would kiss before we ever said a word to each other. It was amazing. It all started because we were chatting about being good kissers and about how many bad kissers there are. That is our story and its been great ever since...
Weezy1973 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Nobody ever knows. Every divorce started as a marriage where each person "knew" they had found the right one. Finding someone who knows the importance of working at relationships is far more important long term than anything else.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 >>...not excited to be seeing him to be honest....<< How can you tell he's right? Well, for starters it's when you're actually looking forward to and excited about seeing him again... Why are you going if you're not excited about it? Why waste your time AND his time? Keep going until you meet that guy you totally click with..you will know it when you meet him. I read about this one guy who met 80...yes 80!! women before he met one he actually was excited about and clicked with. He married her a year later!
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 A lot of us never meet a guy we truly click with. So my rule is to keep dating him if it is not something you dread and he doesn't do anything blatantly disrespectful. The reality is that most people you see married or in long term relationships started off with "meh" and "it's ok" and it grew into a comfortable companionship. Relationships that start with crazy sparks and chemistry burn out. It's a marathon, not a sprint - it helps to be realistic. 1
Author londonlady82 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Thanks for the input guys. I saw that guy for a third date (we went to a museum and then to a farmer's market) but I found the whole thing so much effort and couldn't wait for it to finish. Afterwards, he suggested we meet for dinner soon and did the whole cheery "yeah, could do" thing but texted him this morning to say I don't think we should meet again as I'm not feeling any chemistry. I feel a bit guilty but hope he's not too bothered. Surely he didn't feel the lack of chemistry either...
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Thanks for the input guys. I saw that guy for a third date (we went to a museum and then to a farmer's market) but I found the whole thing so much effort and couldn't wait for it to finish. Afterwards, he suggested we meet for dinner soon and did the whole cheery "yeah, could do" thing but texted him this morning to say I don't think we should meet again as I'm not feeling any chemistry. I feel a bit guilty but hope he's not too bothered. Surely he didn't feel the lack of chemistry either... True chemistry is always mutual so if you weren't feeling it...no doubt he wasn't either. Obviously he liked you though, had fun with you, thought you were attractive.... and wanted to continue to date you for those reasons.... but it never would have felt "right" and as soon as he met a woman with whom he DID feel genuine chemistry... he would have dropped you like a hot potato. So don't feel guilty....you did the right thing.
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