I [18 M] finally hooked up with my best friend [21 F] after 6 years. Need insight!

February 20, 2015

TL;DR Hooked up with my best friend after 6 years of being friend zoned, don't want anything bad to happen.

Ok this is way longer than intended, for those of you who read through the entire thing, and reply thank you very much in advance!

First time posting on this sub, but here it goes! So I've had this friend "S" who I met about 6 years ago. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, "B", who is the same age as her, who she met around the same time she met me. The first night we met was at a mutual friends house (She was friends with my neighbors daughter, and I was friends with the son) and we stayed up for the most part of the night alone just talking. Mind you, I was around 12 years old, and she was about 15 at the time, so this was pretty ****in cool for me.

So to skip all of the pointless stuff that you guys don't really need to know, I've basically been "friend zoned" for the past 6 years. Now this has always been understandable to me considering we are 3 years apart, but at the same time I felt really disappointed - and to be honest, kind of heart broken I guess? Now I know what you're probably thinking, "You were and still are young as hell, you don't know what love is..". And you know what, you might be right, but I don't think so. I've never dated this girl, until recently I haven't done anything but the occasional simple flirt with her which never turned into anything..

So now this last Monday she texted me saying that she had to tell me something but wasn't sure how to say it. Usually when she says something like this I get my hopes up, but never too high because I never actually thought that she might be into me. So after some convincing she says this (sorry it's long) "Okay here it goes... In all honesty because I don't know how else to really say it.. I hope **** really doesn't get weird after this but I've been curious about me and you I guess you could say.. I don't know how you feel about it, at the same time though I don't want a relationship out of it. It's something that I've thought about for a while now I just didn't know whether to tell you or not because I didn't/don't wanna lead you on. I just enjoy being single for now, but it's crossed my mind multiple times. Especially last night. Idk... Just thought you should know" (By the way, we did shrooms together the night before she said this, which is why she said "especially last night" I guess.) Ok, so at this point after reading that text, my mind is basically blown. So I texted her back telling her how I feel about her, making sure to play it off cool and not sound like I was pissing my pants from happiness.

The next night we hang out, I take her back in some woods trails about half an hour from her house since we just got a few inches of snow. We end up cruising around for like 2 and a half hours or so just talking about this and that, and then decided to head back to my place. Once we got back to my house it was around 10 or so, and we decided to watch Wedding Crashers (Such a great movie). About three quarters into the movie she has to leave to tend to her diabetic cat, which is always a bummer but I love the little thing just as much as she does.. So she heads out, texting me on her whole way home, despite how often I tell her I don't like her texting and driving, and once she gets home she says this.. "Totally up to you but if you aren't tired or if you feel like it you can come up here. Up to you though." At this point it's like 12:30 but I stay up super late anyways so I'm just like oh **** yeah since now I know that she can see me as something more than just a friend. I went up to her house, locked the door behind me after entering and casually walked up the steps. Immediately after going into her room I got under the covers with her, and we searched and searched for a movie to watch OnDemand and on Netflix. We ended up deciding on Hostel, and watched the entire movie while slightly cuddling (which was entirely new for me and her to do together).

After Hostel we decided to watch another movie, one of our young teenage years favorites, Disturbia. So the same deal with that movie, we just watched it, nothing really going on besides light cuddling. Then once the movie ended she rolled over looking at me. At this point I pretty much knew what was up, but ****, how couldn't I be nervous? I've liked this chick for 6 years now, and I'm finally in bed with her! So we stared at each other, you know like.. in an eye-****ing kind of way. She would close her eyes, and then open them up again shortly after and say "Whaaat?" or "Why are you staaaring at me" in her cute smaller flirtations voice. I responded by just smiling most of the time, still thinking in my head that this has to be one of those too realistic dreams I've had of her before. So after probably like 20 minutes of that, I finally went in for the kiss, and we kissed a lot. Like for hours until the sun came up, literally. That morning I woke up, and decided to leave before she got up because I was extremely sweaty since her room always has the heat blasting, and very hungry too.

Fast forward to later that night (now being Wednesday), she picks me up from my place, we go and share a 6 pack by the local canal under the stars. After we hung out there for a couple hours she dropped me back off at my house, and tells me she's going home to go to sleep. Well me wanting more from last night texted her shortly after she left saying "Hey if you change your mind about going to sleep let me know and I'll come up there. I probably won't be hittin' the sheets any time soon anyway, and thanks for the beer btw lol" So she tells me she's getting a shower and to leave my house in like 5 minutes, so I did.

When I got there this time I brought a USB drive with a few scary movies on it so we didn't have to search through bull**** titles to find something half decent. We ended up watching Halloween, while doing the same cuddling as the night before. Then once that ended she asked me what I wanted to watch now, so I picked Nightmare on Elm Street. Well, we only got about 2 minutes into that movie, and started hooking up again.

Pretty much the same as the night before, except this time I went down on her, then she went down on me. When I "came up for a air" while going down on her she asked me "Do you plan onnnn, you know?" and I answered "Maybe." while continuing to kiss her. Then I reported to her "Well I'm rockin like less than a half chub right now, sooo" (I'm typically a funny guy, so this was acceptable to say lol) and she responded with "Well let's switch it up then" and that's when she went down on me.. By the way, I must add this was pretty great head. There was only one problem, one huge ****ing problem. I couldn't get anymore hard than like half erect! What the ****, I'm 18, not 81!!

So the night ended in disappointment for the both of us I think, but I feel even worse about what happened next. After deciding to call it quits and try to fall asleep since the sun was coming up again, we snuggled up real close and closed our eyes. After only like 3 minutes I declared that I couldn't sleep in her room since it was too hot and I decided to go home. She actually seemed disappointed at this too, bummed out almost that I wasn't sleeping next to her.

I'm left with this.. She texted me earlier today after some small talk and said "I feel like a horrible person for just freaking the **** out of "B". I just feel empty in a way. It's really hard to tell the person you love and that loves you that there's nothing left. I know I'm doing what's right for me, but it doesn't make it any easier to do.. Idk it's hard to explain." So I said "Well that sounds like something to talk about, especially because you're the furthest thing from a horrible person. I'm sure it does suck, but you're right.. it's what's best for you. You tried and tried again to mend that relationship over the last couple years, but something just wasn't working out. You can't blame yourself for that, or anything for that matter.. You say it all the time, everything happens for a reason. Just keep your head up "S". It might suck right now, but I can practically guarantee you that one day you'll be very happy and grateful you made that decision. There's no sense in beating yourself up for it. I've seen you emotionally hurt over and over again, I know you love the kid, but it just doesn't make sense to let someone do that to you time and time again." I forgot to mention, "B" is basically a 21 year old deadbeat who can't hold a job and has no goals in life.

So we talked a little bit more about that, and about some other stuff that makes her sad in life, some stuff that makes me sad in my life.. And towards the end of the conversation I just wanted to reassure myself she wasn't upset about me not being able to perform and then leaving.. She told me "No really I'm fine. You're good nothing's weird lol.". Ok that was pretty assuring, but I'm still not sure what is going on. I would love to continue what we're doing, hell I'd love to marry this girl. I just don't want anything to get weird between us, since we are best friends, and neither of us keep too many friends close.

So I ask for your advice, I ask for your comments, I ask for your wisdom. As I stated in the beginning, thanks so much in advance for the feedback, and I'm sorry it was so damn long.

February 20, 2015

Sounds like a FWBish situation but not quite. I dunno.

Don't worry about your half chub problem lol - sounds like you were pretty nervous, and that can kill it for a guy. There is probably nothing wrong with you. I say go for it again.

February 20, 2015

Yeah that's pretty much what I'd call it at this point too, although I'm not exactly sure either because I've never had that before.

As far as the floppiness problem goes, I do think it was just nervousness, so I'm not worried about that at all really. She actually seemed more sad/disappointed that I left that night vs not being able to get it up. I know there's nothing wrong with me considering I've never had this problem, I just really, really like this girl and I always have.. So it was more anxiety if anything, I guess.

Thanks for your feedback though, as I said before it's much appreciated!

February 20, 2015

Tell her how you feel, and find out if she feels the same. Put yourself out there and take a risk. You're 18 and have nothing to lose! Be sure that you make her feel special/wanted, don't get blinded by the sex.

If she doesn't feel the same, you might have to settle as a friend. The sex could have been a one time thing - hard to tell.

One thing is for sure - after sex nothing is the same. Now you guys didn't really go "all the way" but pretty darn close. Probably still enough where things could be weird.

February 20, 2015

Honestly, I'm scared to tell her how I really feel, I don't want to scare her away. The one thing I do have to lose is my best friend, which is very serious in my eyes. I'm already in the mind state of settling as a friend, considering the last 6 years, so I'm not exactly expecting much else, just hoping for it.

Now I know it's really just as weird as you make it (after you have sex that is), and I'm hoping for it to be the least weird it could possibly be lol, obviously. But that depends on both parties in the matter.

I think this is just so puzzling/frustrating for me because she is literally, the girl of my dreams and I just really don't want to **** anything up. Thanks again for your opinions and perspective!

February 20, 2015

So now this last Monday she texted me saying that she had to tell me something but wasn't sure how to say it. Usually when she says something like this I get my hopes up, but never too high because I never actually thought that she might be into me. So after some convincing she says this (sorry it's long) "Okay here it goes... In all honesty because I don't know how else to really say it.. I hope **** really doesn't get weird after this but I've been curious about me and you I guess you could say.. I don't know how you feel about it, at the same time though I don't want a relationship out of it. It's something that I've thought about for a while now I just didn't know whether to tell you or not because I didn't/don't wanna lead you on. I just enjoy being single for now, but it's crossed my mind multiple times. Especially last night. Idk... Just thought you should know" (By the way, we did shrooms together the night before she said this, which is why she said "especially last night" I guess.) Ok, so at this point after reading that text, my mind is basically blown. So I texted her back telling her how I feel about her, making sure to play it off cool and not sound like I was pissing my pants from happiness.

Aside from the 6 years of friendship beforehand, I've been in a couple similar situations to this. Sleeping with women and hanging out as friends, with them saying things like the above bolded. I would tread VERY lightly and listen to her when she says she's not looking for a relationship. I see you getting very hurt here.

And if I'm not mistaken, she is just out of her first relationship that lasted 6 years? I would be very cautious about this. It doesn't sound like you want a FWB with her, or to be a rebound. I know you will disagree and do not want to hear this, but it sounds to me like she may be using sex with you to get over "B". She has told you she wants to be single and doesn't want a relationship. She is being straightforward with you. I would listen to her.

February 20, 2015

Honestly, I'm scared to tell her how I really feel, I don't want to scare her away. The one thing I do have to lose is my best friend, which is very serious in my eyes. I'm already in the mind state of settling as a friend, considering the last 6 years, so I'm not exactly expecting much else, just hoping for it.

Now I know it's really just as weird as you make it (after you have sex that is), and I'm hoping for it to be the least weird it could possibly be lol, obviously. But that depends on both parties in the matter.

I think this is just so puzzling/frustrating for me because she is literally, the girl of my dreams and I just really don't want to **** anything up. Thanks again for your opinions and perspective!

Well it sounds like she doesn't want a relationship. You'll just have to bite the bullet on this one and be there for her as a friend.

Maybe ask her if she's open for a FWB arrangement? Considering you guys have already fooled around, it wouldn't be weird. Her hint at not wanting a relationship and wanting to be single, is probably a good indicator she'd be open to this.

Just whatever you do, don't be weird about anything or distance yourself. Girls pickup on that **** really quick and it might upset her if she thinks you're bailing on her as a friend after she blew you.

February 20, 2015

Hey Rester, thanks for the input!

That's pretty much what I plan on doing, treading lightly. I fully understand she doesn't want anything "real" out of it at the time, or maybe never, and I accept that. It sucks hearing it right now, but I do accept it fully.

As for FWB, I would actually be down with this, but kind of fear that I may get a little carried away with it as time progresses (I've always like to spoil her as it is). But yeah, this has definitely been her only "serious" relationship besides just little petty stuff, the one with "B" I mean, so I imagine that it is very tough for her at the time being.

All in all, I just want to make her happy. If it's being her shoulder to cry on, I love being that shoulder.. If it's being her cuddle buddy in bed, I love that too.. Just as long as she's happy I'll be happy, even if it's not exactly how I wanted it to be.

February 20, 2015

Hey Rester, thanks for the input!

That's pretty much what I plan on doing, treading lightly. I fully understand she doesn't want anything "real" out of it at the time, or maybe never, and I accept that. It sucks hearing it right now, but I do accept it fully.

As for FWB, I would actually be down with this, but kind of fear that I may get a little carried away with it as time progresses (I've always like to spoil her as it is). But yeah, this has definitely been her only "serious" relationship besides just little petty stuff, the one with "B" I mean, so I imagine that it is very tough for her at the time being.

All in all, I just want to make her happy. If it's being her shoulder to cry on, I love being that shoulder.. If it's being her cuddle buddy in bed, I love that too.. Just as long as she's happy I'll be happy, even if it's not exactly how I wanted it to be.

Well, if you're the type of guy that lingers for 6 years in the friendzone, I would be very doubtful that you could handle a FWB thing with her, but if you can, more power to you. I'm bringing my personal experience in here, and I was never comfortable doing the FWB thing with women I wanted a relationship with, and I never would have stuck around for 6 years pining over someone. But hey, everyone handles it differently.

Good luck. Just be careful with your feelings. You may waste precious years of your life on someone that doesn't feel the same way you do.

February 20, 2015

Oh no the last thing I would ever do is bail on her like that man. I just want to keep the peace, and make her as happy as possible. I don't know why, but I care about this girl so fu**ing much it just blows my mind!

Maybe I will ask her specifically about the FWB scenario, since we didn't go too far into talking about it, just doing it.. But above all, I'll be sure she knows that I remain her best friend regardless of what happens.

Thanks again!

February 20, 2015

You two sound like great friends - I hope it works out.

February 20, 2015

Yeah I totally understand what you mean by that, thanks for the heads up haha. Over the past years though I've grown to accept our friendship as what it was (just a friendship), so it's not like I was striving to be in a relationship with her for the past 6 years. I stuck around because I genuinely care about her and love her as a person, not because I've just been hoping to get some pussy all this time.

I've talked to multiple other girls, and did things with other girls, brought them over her house for parties and such, I haven't exactly just been lingering around all this time, but I get what ya mean.

But I gotta admit, even with other girls I don't really feel anything special, yet alone on the level I feel with her. For example on New Years I brought over this chick (We'll call her "H") to party with us. As soon as she left the room we were all in, "B" whispers to me (He was just there on a friendly basis, but "S" regrets inviting him anyway) "Yo man, "H" is literally like a solid 10!". Now this kind of pissed me off, but not because she was attracted to "H", honestly I couldn't care less about that, but because he was putting her very high up on the "number scale", and it made me think that he thinks way less of "S", who in my eyes is an 11.

But I know what you mean with my feelings, and the wasted time and all.. But I just don't look at any time spent with "S" as wasted. Even knowing that I could be running around hooking up with chicks rather than just hanging out on the couch with and watching TV.. I'd take the couch with "S" any given day.

Thanks again though man, as always.. Much appreciated.

February 20, 2015

Thanks man, for everything you've said. Good luck in your life bro, take it easy!

February 20, 2015

Don't worry about the mishap. This was a sudden shift for you and may I just add: Stop watching the effing slash movies while you're trying to get in the mood for sex!!!! I don't care you both like them. Put on some unfrenetic music that gets into a bit of a blues or slower groove and stays there. If not that, then put on a rom com.

Don't even think about what she wants right now. Just keep getting together with her. She's probably in a bit of a rebound, but you're someone she knows, so hopefully she'll keep being honest with you.

I like your "dates" and your sense of humor. It's all very authentic. You're both young to marry or whatever but you're the perfect age to enjoy a passionate affair and my guess is the bond is strong enough that the relationship may change over time but that you'll always like each other on some level. So don't fear the future. Be sure to use a condom and find out if she's on the pill. You should do both.

February 20, 2015

Don't worry about the mishap. This was a sudden shift for you and may I just add: Stop watching the effing slash movies while you're trying to get in the mood for sex!!!! I don't care you both like them. Put on some unfrenetic music that gets into a bit of a blues or slower groove and stays there. If not that, then put on a rom com.

Don't even think about what she wants right now. Just keep getting together with her. She's probably in a bit of a rebound, but you're someone she knows, so hopefully she'll keep being honest with you.

I like your "dates" and your sense of humor. It's all very authentic. You're both young to marry or whatever but you're the perfect age to enjoy a passionate affair and my guess is the bond is strong enough that the relationship may change over time but that you'll always like each other on some level. So don't fear the future. Be sure to use a condom and find out if she's on the pill. You should do both.

Hahahaha I never put into mind that a gruesome horror movie is probably a turn off for starters, regardless of how much we enjoy them, so thanks for that advice! And thanks for that last paragraph too, it actually meant a lot to me. I tend to keep at least one condom in my "grab and go" bag that I bring out with me when carrying clothes or whatever too, so I'm usually prepared for such a thing.

I do believe it's her monthly cycle time now, but I'm not exactly positive about that, pretty sure she's not on the pill any longer though (not sure why). But maybe I'll make that friendly suggestion to her. I have my priorities/responsibilities set a lot better than most kids my age, and that's something I know she really likes about me, most of the time she forgets I'm so much younger than her and then gets a little upset when I remind her of that.

But thanks again Preraph! If you have anything else to add, feel more than welcome to do so. Any feedback is very much appreciated! And thanks for taking the time to read the orignial post, I know it was long but I didn't want to leave out anything important

February 20, 2015

Hahahaha I never put into mind that a gruesome horror movie is probably a turn off for starters, regardless of how much we enjoy them, so thanks for that advice! And thanks for that last paragraph too, it actually meant a lot to me. I tend to keep at least one condom in my "grab and go" bag that I bring out with me when carrying clothes or whatever too, so I'm usually prepared for such a thing.

I do believe it's her monthly cycle time now, but I'm not exactly positive about that, pretty sure she's not on the pill any longer though (not sure why). But maybe I'll make that friendly suggestion to her. I have my priorities/responsibilities set a lot better than most kids my age, and that's something I know she really likes about me, most of the time she forgets I'm so much younger than her and then gets a little upset when I remind her of that.

But thanks again Preraph! If you have anything else to add, feel more than welcome to do so. Any feedback is very much appreciated! And thanks for taking the time to read the orignial post, I know it was long but I didn't want to leave out anything important

If I recall correctly from my HS days, the first half of Hostel is pretty much a Porno (some of the scenes were pretty hot I might add). I'm surprised you guys didn't jump each other right then and there. Lol.

February 20, 2015

If I recall correctly from my HS days, the first half of Hostel is pretty much a Porno (some of the scenes were pretty hot I might add). I'm surprised you guys didn't jump each other right then and there. Lol.

Hahahah yeah you'd be right about that, and I can honestly say the only reason I didn't was just because I was nervous. She asked me at some point during the night why I took so long to kiss her. Since that first night I've grown a much larger amount of confidence towards her though, and the second night even more.. so I doubt I'll be waiting again, unless something goes haywire.

Thanks again for all the love you guys have been giving me lol you have no idea how much I appreciate it. It's just nice being able to talk to someone else about the situation rather than just the couple "bros" I do have.. Even though I don't even know you guys, you're still awesome!

February 20, 2015

Only one thing to add. Your age difference is not that big of a deal. You seem very savvy for your age and the slight difference will diminish as you get older. If it doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother you.

February 20, 2015

OKOK I have to ask:

Was the fooling around better than how you imagined for the last six years?? lol

I hope it works out. Just be there for her.

February 20, 2015

Only one thing to add. Your age difference is not that big of a deal. You seem very savvy for your age and the slight difference will diminish as you get older. If it doesn't bother her, it shouldn't bother you.

Thanks for the reassurance, I don't have any issue at all with the age difference, I think she might be a little hesitant about it.. only because we can't go to the bar and **** together, but that's alright considering we aren't big drinkers at all anyway. It helps that I'm at least "of age" now to do the dirty deed though

One weird thing is that I actually have always liked girls that are a little bit older, not sure why but that's just how I am lol. Generally this makes it tougher for me to find a partner, especially because my standards are pretty high up there, but when it works out in my favor.. man is it sweet lol.

Thanks again Preraph!

February 20, 2015

OP just remember when she invites you into her bed, she's basically giving you the green light to **** her brains out. Don't overthink it or freak out But yeah she'll expect YOU to take the lead since you're the guy, so you need to initiate things.

February 20, 2015

OKOK I have to ask:

Was the fooling around better than how you imagined for the last six years?? lol

I hope it works out. Just be there for her.

Ok this made me laugh for a good 15 seconds or so lol. To answer your question though, yes man.. It really was. I don't want to sound weird or anything (especially considering I can't help this) but I've had dreams about fooling around with her on multiple occasions, and every one just felt so real. But yeah man, this was even better than expected, I'm not sure if that's because she's just so perfect to me or it really was that awesome.. But it was awesome!

And as far as being there for her goes, that's my main plan. I appreciate your comment and taking the time out to read my post, thanks man!

February 20, 2015

OP just remember when she invites you into her bed, she's basically giving you the green light to **** her brains out. Don't overthink it or freak out But yeah she'll expect YOU to take the lead since you're the guy, so you need to initiate things.

Yeah man haha thanks for reminding me to do so. I'm hoping to meet up with her tonight, we'll see. Another thing I don't want to do is smother her, especially since our relationship isn't exactly labeled as anything special as of now.

February 20, 2015

TL;DR Hooked up with my best friend after 6 years of being friend zoned, don't want anything bad to happen.

You were trying to get into her pants from 12yrs old? I don't think you were friendzoned, I think she was waiting for your voice to break.

February 21, 2015

You were trying to get into her pants from 12yrs old? I don't think you were friendzoned, I think she was waiting for your voice to break.

Hahah not exactly, but I've always thought of her as someone I would love to have as more than a friend. But I must add I was a pretty "early bloomer", and matured very quick for my age given my life situation I almost feel like I had to. My father passed away when I was 11, and he always told me if he were to die (he was a commercial fisherman, a very dangerous job) then I would become the man of the house, and therefore must protect my mother and sister. This was just the way I was raised, I'm very chivalrous, respectful and polite in my eyes. Can't say I'm happy with the situation, but it molded me to be who I am therefore I'm happy for that. Sorry for the long reply and it was kinda off topic but ****, whatever. Lol thanks for your reply though!

Sign In

I [18 M] finally hooked up with my best friend [21 F] after 6 years. Need insight!

Recommended Posts

TheMidnightToker

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

TheMidnightToker

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

TheMidnightToker

rester

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

TheMidnightToker

rester

TheMidnightToker

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

TheMidnightToker

TheMidnightToker

preraph

TheMidnightToker

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

TheMidnightToker

preraph

Honeybunnies

TheMidnightToker

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

TheMidnightToker

TheMidnightToker

Buddhist

TheMidnightToker

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...