Eevee Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Hi everyone, after great feedback on a different post I thought I'd see what people's views are on this. This is probably going to be a bit on the long side but I really want to get your views on my issue. I've been with my bf for about a year and a half, I'm 21 he's 22 and we met at university although he's now graduated as he was a year ahead of me. Neither of us have been in a relationship that's lasted this long before and for the first half of the relationship things were great. Over the last couple of months though I've noticed that we don't really seem to share the same outlook on life. It's hard to explain really what I mean but it's mainly just one of us assuming one thing is the norm only for the other to have a completely different view. It's not really damaging the relationship as such but these little differences are slowly making it harder for me to enjoy the relationship. Here are the main examples that bother me: 1.) The main one is family. I am very close to my family but he's not so close to his. That's not a problem and I appreciate that not everyone has such a good relationship with their parents as I do, what bothers me is that he seems to think that I'm weird for being so close to my family. For example last summer I told him I was going on a two week holiday with my parents and sister and he said something along the line of 'oh my God that's so awful for you' At that point he knew that I get on with my family so I don't know why he needed to say that. He also thought it was strange that during term last year I took some time off work to go home for the weekend - he called it a waste of the work holidays that I'd saved up! I don't tell him that I think it's a shame that his parents didn't call him once when they went on holiday to Barbados (I thought it, I just didn't say it because I know that for him it would be weirder if they did) 2.) This next one is the one that probably comes up most often. Not really sure what I'm describing here but basically it just seems to be us having different standards/expectations. Like if we go out to Grill place with friends he'll show up dressed to the nines in a suit and is shocked when I'm in (nice) casual wear - it's a Grill House! He'll ask why I'm not wearing a dress and I'll say that I don't really think it's the place for dressing up and he's shocked. Another example would be when he asks me what I've done with my day and I might say I went to get coffee with a friend he'll turn around and ask 'what's the occasion?' as if going for coffee is a big deal of sorts. 3.) Finally it's the different ways we behave in public. Like we were looking for some saffron in the supermarket (random I know) and couldn't find any. He starts worrying and freaking out after 2 minutes of looking and suggested we ask a store worker, I said we could just browse and went down the whole foods isle where lo and behold we find the saffron. Except that he feels the need to yell (literally full voice) 'I FOUND THE SAFFRON!' Maybe I'm being a bit OTT here but it was so embarrassing! The final example would be when he came to stay with me at my parents' house. We live on a quiet street in a good neighbourhood and normally we don't leave our cars parked outside our houses but in the garages. My Dad had made room for my bf's huge car (he's got some sort of Jeep) in the garage but my bf didn't want to 'make a nuisance of himself' and parked it outside our house instead. I'm probably sounding like a snob here but in the end he'd disregarded my Dad's offer and ended up making a bigger deal about it. I know this probably reads like a b****y moan but I really want to know what people think and get some feedback. Of course I could talk to him but it's not exactly easy to tell someone that virtually everything they do rubs you up the wrong way! Thanks in advance!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 You have all valid concerns. You're 21 so you are really young - don't feel that just because you guys have been together so long that he is the one for you by any means. School relationships are usually a phase for a lot of people. I'm mostly concerned with #1 .. It sounds like he has issues with your family, and even might have some jealousy towards you since you are close with them. He should be happy that you have such a healthy relationship with your family, and try and be a part of that. Is there any ill-will between your family and him? #2 is a bit weird... I will usually never wear a suit unless I'm going to a REALLY fancy restaurant. I mean sure -- if its a night out with friends and you're going clubbing, you could always dress up, but if you're just talking about a casual dinner out - that's a bit intense. #3 just sounds like hes a silly guy being silly, lol. Based on what you've told us, it doesn't sound like there are any huge problems or anything. I would probably talk to him about your family though and let him know how important they are to you, and you want him to respect that. Otherwise - don't overanalyze it and try to have fun!
Author Eevee Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 You have all valid concerns. You're 21 so you are really young - don't feel that just because you guys have been together so long that he is the one for you by any means. School relationships are usually a phase for a lot of people. I'm mostly concerned with #1 .. It sounds like he has issues with your family, and even might have some jealousy towards you since you are close with them. He should be happy that you have such a healthy relationship with your family, and try and be a part of that. Is there any ill-will between your family and him? #2 is a bit weird... I will usually never wear a suit unless I'm going to a REALLY fancy restaurant. I mean sure -- if its a night out with friends and you're going clubbing, you could always dress up, but if you're just talking about a casual dinner out - that's a bit intense. #3 just sounds like hes a silly guy being silly, lol. Based on what you've told us, it doesn't sound like there are any huge problems or anything. I would probably talk to him about your family though and let him know how important they are to you, and you want him to respect that. Otherwise - don't overanalyze it and try to have fun! Thanks for the reply - I guess I agree with 2 and 3 and think that with 2 in particular it's just us having different ideas of when to 'dress up' He does seem to have issues with my family which I find totally unfair - my parents and sister have only ever been kind and welcoming to him and I find it insulting that he can't accept that my family are more important to me than his family is to him. Strangely enough, if anyone should have any issues with family I think it should be me. Whenever I meet with his parents they are rude (interrupting me when I talk, making fun of my accent (we come from opposite ends of the country) and insinuate that I am acting above them when I'm simply being myself) and make out he is some sort of prince and I should be thankful to be dating him. Without blowing my own horn here and sounding like a stuck up cow, he is definitely getting the better end of the deal in the relationship!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Thanks for the reply - I guess I agree with 2 and 3 and think that with 2 in particular it's just us having different ideas of when to 'dress up' He does seem to have issues with my family which I find totally unfair - my parents and sister have only ever been kind and welcoming to him and I find it insulting that he can't accept that my family are more important to me than his family is to him. Strangely enough, if anyone should have any issues with family I think it should be me. Whenever I meet with his parents they are rude (interrupting me when I talk, making fun of my accent (we come from opposite ends of the country) and insinuate that I am acting above them when I'm simply being myself) and make out he is some sort of prince and I should be thankful to be dating him. Without blowing my own horn here and sounding like a stuck up cow, he is definitely getting the better end of the deal in the relationship! Yeah dealing with your SO's parents can be painful. Just be sure that you're keeping your cool with his family even though they aren't close - especially if you expect him to do the same (sounds like you are). I think you need to talk to him about it. You clearly care for your family, and you shouldn't compromise yourself and let him devalue your relationship with your family because his doesn't work.
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