Treacle411 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I'm looking for some advice please. I've been talking to a guy for a while now. He was so kind and caring to me. Showering me with compliments and we just really got along well. He would text me every morning how beautiful I am. He spoke of all the things he wanted to do e.g take me on a romantic moonlight boat. Every night he would say I can't wait to see you next. Then all of a sudden he doesn't reply to me. I asked why he had stopped responding as it would only be fair to tell me. He replied and said sorry but that he and his ex are getting back together! I'm obviously really upset about it, however I know theres nothing I can do and I'm not wishing to. My issue is that I'm really hurt, by someone who showed me so much love and care. I never thought he would hurt me. It's taken me 3 years to meet someone who I cared for this much and this is what he does to me. I don't know how I'm going to move on because I'm now going to worry that every nice guy I meet is going to let me down. I have a couple of guys texting me at the moment and I daren't get too close to either of them. Can anyone advise what is best to do? E.g do you think I should just take time away from guys til I get over the hurt?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I'm looking for some advice please. I've been talking to a guy for a while now. He was so kind and caring to me. Showering me with compliments and we just really got along well. He would text me every morning how beautiful I am. He spoke of all the things he wanted to do e.g take me on a romantic moonlight boat. Every night he would say I can't wait to see you next. Then all of a sudden he doesn't reply to me. I asked why he had stopped responding as it would only be fair to tell me. He replied and said sorry but that he and his ex are getting back together! I'm obviously really upset about it, however I know theres nothing I can do and I'm not wishing to. My issue is that I'm really hurt, by someone who showed me so much love and care. I never thought he would hurt me. It's taken me 3 years to meet someone who I cared for this much and this is what he does to me. I don't know how I'm going to move on because I'm now going to worry that every nice guy I meet is going to let me down. I have a couple of guys texting me at the moment and I daren't get too close to either of them. Can anyone advise what is best to do? E.g do you think I should just take time away from guys til I get over the hurt? How many dates were you guys on? Did he come on romantically very quickly? Maybe just take things slower from now on, sounds like a lot happening at once.
Author Treacle411 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Id say around 7. He did come on pretty strong and rather than taking a step back, I think I started to like him because of all the kind things he would do and say to me.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Hmm yeah I can see why you're upset, 7 is a good number of dates. I suggest avoiding guys who come on super strong, it should be a gradual build up. You should have physical chemistry right away - yes - but the guy shouldn't be making over the top romantic gestures in the first few dates. Just take things slower from now on, and you won't be hurt as badly. If he was coming on really strong at first, I'd almost think there was something wrong with him. Either he's very needy, or he is trying to compensate for something (in this case, breaking up with his ex who he wasn't over).
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Can anyone advise what is best to do? E.g do you think I should just take time away from guys til I get over the hurt? Here's my advice please listen to it. What you experienced wasn't true affection. It is a technique used by manipulative people called love bombing. They use this to draw you in quickly, get you committed then immediately go cold on you to turn you into an affection junkie that will allow them to then control the entire relationship. I suspect this getting back together with my ex is a ploy and he will shortly contact you again to move to phase II of manipulation. Be thankful if what he has told you is actually true and he is doing you the favour of walking away. Either way, block this person. Do not reply to any further communication and find a normal person to be with. Normal people don't come on hot and strong, they are open but they don't rush attachment. They are interested in knowing who you are as a person before they form any attachment. If you are susceptible to love bombing it is a strong indicator that you have some issues you need to resolve. 1
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