Author orangetree Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Any engagement that happens so quickly is always a cause for concern because it's likely impulsive. Add to the fact that this girl is still growing and changing so much... he needs to respect her space and let her define herself first. If the relationship is so perfect and they both know they're soulmates, what's the harm in waiting until she at least finishes school? Like another poster asked, did she just turn 18? I think she turned 18 last summer/fall, so not that recently. It's just that I think you can be totally sure about a person but that doesn't mean that in a few years you'll think the same. I know feelings and compatibility can change at any age, but I think it's just much more likely when you're 1. that young and 2. your partner is so much older/younger. I had a boyfriend too when I was 18, we were together for two years in total. At that time, I was so in love, he was my first real boyfriend and we even talked about getting married etc. I was so sure we will stay together forever and if he proposed to me at that time, I'm sure I would have said yes. Now, looking back, I realize what big mistake that would have been. I had no experience and he was just my first big love. He was also quite young and unexperienced. We started to go to college and realized slowly that we were developing in different directions. I was just a different girl when I was 18, and he was a different guy. Plus, I just know I always would have wondered how it would have been to have been with more than just that one guy. And I would have been worried that he feels the same about me. By the way, my cousin had girlfriends before but it's been years since he had his last serious gf. He's a great guy, but not the kind of guy every girl instantly has a crush on. I'm kinda worried that maybe he feels his clock ticking (yes, I believe that exists among men too) and she looks up to him and loves him so he rushes into things and says 'Hey, why not marry her'. I think two months isn't nearly enough to get married. Of course you can have an instant connection, but you need to give it time to see the relationship grow and to get out of the honeymoon phase. 2
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Yeah I don't think it works both ways Sex for guys is like pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Sex for guys is like pizza, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Yeah that's true. And when girls are 18 they're in their physical prime and have a sense of innocence that girls don't have in their 20s Totally hot.
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 - I'm talking about a woman's ability to fall deeply in love with a man long term. Things are different in that section of the brain Ok what section of the brain are you talking about and do you have a link to the research? 1
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Hi, I don't wanna talk him out of this since he's an adult and it's his decision but I start wondering- Is there really any chance that this could work out? What do you think and what are your experiences? No need to worry about she will probably find a new boyfriend and move on before the wedding date. 1
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I have been with a guy under 20 once and it wasn't that good lol! But thankfully quite short...
wb1988 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 31m/18f isn't a big deal. But wtf he's marrying her? WTF! She's 18 so she can be stupid but he's 31, what does he think will happen? Yeah that's true. And when girls are 18 they're in their physical prime and have a sense of innocence that girls don't have in their 20s Totally hot. I think prime is 19ish and at 22 it goes downhill real quick especially mentally (that innocent you're talking about). You always have to keep your guard up with girls over 21.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 You can see how they each found one another: she feels the allure of an older man and doesn't yet have enough experience to see that he's perhaps not everyone's cup of tea. With time and maturity there's a high likelihood she's look at him one day in not too distant future and wonder how on earth she got there. For him, her inexperience means she's blind to whatever makes him not so successful with the ladies. So suddenly someone is really into him and he wants to lock it in. Because he's old enough to know now that it's fairly rare. He doesn't want to let it go, even though he can probably see there's a fair chance of failure. Your best chance is if they take a rational approach and plan a long engagement, giving them time to get to know one another better and test things.
Author orangetree Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 I just have to update this post quickly.. as we already know, my 31 years old cousin is going to marry his 18 years old girlfriend this summer after half a year of relationship (proposed two months after meeting each other for the first time). This morning I read on Facebook that the two are trying to have a baby now... oh god. I really hoped they would at least decide to not yet include a baby into that madness. She hasn't even graduated high school yet, will do so this summer. 1
elaine567 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 A least she has her age to excuse her actions. She is just a mad teenager and "in love", God knows what he is thinking, he is supposed to be the adult here. Good luck to them...
Author orangetree Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 A least she has her age to excuse her actions. She is just a mad teenager and "in love", God knows what he is thinking, he is supposed to be the adult here. Good luck to them... Very true, and that's very concerning. When I was 18 I also thought I would marry my bf from that time, of course I didn't. If he's really serious about her he should be the adult and tell her that they could get married and have kids in a couple of years and not NOW. 2
Radu Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Do they have prenups in Germany or is it the same deal with which choice you make when getting married at city hall [not pooling finances together / pooling finances together] ? Also ... could he be doing it to reduce his taxes ?
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Very true, and that's very concerning. When I was 18 I also thought I would marry my bf from that time, of course I didn't. If he's really serious about her he should be the adult and tell her that they could get married and have kids in a couple of years and not NOW. She's a young piece of @ss that he isn't going to give up on and she's too naive an inexperienced to know any better....he's just sexually attracted to her, the youth and physicality aspect of it...mentally she's not even on the same planet. You're just going to have to watch this play out, and I'm almost certain he will impregnate this girl soon...that's a 13 year age difference, very tempting for a guy as that's a much younger wife with children...she'll spend her best young years raising children, and then in 10 years not look so hot and young and they'll have problems...not that they won't have problems before that, they might not even make it 4 years. Maybe you'll get lucky and the girls family will get involved, but you know women...they think they just dont understand and can't see how happy they are together and how they'll be together forever. 2
No Limit Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Do they have prenups in Germany or is it the same deal with which choice you make when getting married at city hall [not pooling finances together / pooling finances together] ? They do have prenups in Germany but they're barely worth the paper they're written on. A good lawyer can make it powerless. At least Germany is a lot more forgiving regarding child support; if you doubt the kid is yours the DNA test can free you from any responsibilities. There's also been enough cases of fathers getting custody, so that's a plus. Only "sole custody" is rare, but the society is changing rapidly - the old picture of a family with two parents living in the same home is becoming more rare. In Berlin a third of all mothers are single mothers; of course, it might also be the trick where single mothers get some extra money while the baby daddy visits regularly and brings additional money from his job.
Author orangetree Posted April 9, 2015 Author Posted April 9, 2015 UPDATE, in case anyone is still interested My cousin and his 18 years old fiancé have broken up a couple of days ago. Well, I guess we all saw it coming, but I expected them to go on like this for a couple more months. I don't know any details (yet) but apparently she was the one who broke up. Like teenagers (well he is one) they deleted each other afterwards from Facebook and deleted all pictures and wall posts of each other. I'm pretty relieved it happened before they got married and he knocked her up
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