orangetree Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Hi, My cousin who's 31 years old has been in a relationship with a girl who's 18(!) years old (and still goes to school) for two(!) months. This morning he announced to everyone that they're engaged! My jaw literally dropped. We're close (for being 'just' cousins) and I asked him if he's really sure about this. She's super young and they've only been dating for two months! He said yes, and told me some bull**** (IMO) about how it doesn't matter how long you've been with someone you just know when you meet the right person. I don't wanna talk him out of this since he's an adult and it's his decision but I start wondering- Is there really any chance that this could work out? What do you think and what are your experiences? Thanks!
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Of course there is a chance it will work out. Nobody can say for sure without a crystal ball. But I agree with you, the chance it will work out is pretty low.
Gaeta Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Lets see what her parents have to say about it. 1
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Low odds but yes it could work out. If you are from a country like India, or one of the Islamic states, this marriage would be common place.
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Seems pretty messed up to me but it's not my relationship to concern myself with. In these situations as long as it's legal you can't really do a thing, just stand back and let it play out. Are you sure he hasn't been with her longer and is just telling everyone 2 months because he was breaking the law if he was sleeping with her under 18?
Author orangetree Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 No, they really have been dating for only two months. He told me about how he met this girl back then and at the same time he started to go public with her on Facebook. It's really strange. I mean, I find it even strange that a 31 years old man has interest in a 18 years old girl (I guess you cannot call it woman yet) and I was quite sure that's only a phase and it will be over in a few months. Now that they're getting married... I just don't want him to be disappointed in the end.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 OP, what culture are they a part of? Some cultures this would be more practical/common. But yeah - 18 year old girls are highly volatile, one second they think they want one thing, and then another second they want something completely different. I don't see it working out - its possible though. 1
mammasita Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Odds highly stacked against this working. 1
stillafool Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Time can only tell if they will make it. She may be very mature, have you met her?
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 It's really strange. I mean, I find it even strange that a 31 years old man has interest in a 18 years old girl I don't. To quite a lot of men, by sleeping with such a young woman, he has hit the jackpot. 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I don't. To quite a lot of men, by sleeping with such a young woman, he has hit the jackpot. Yeah I've only been with a girl under 20 once - and it was amazing lol.
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I have been with a guy under 20 once and it wasn't that good lol! 4
rester Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I don't. To quite a lot of men, by sleeping with such a young woman, he has hit the jackpot. Sleeping with, maybe. Talking to? Connecting with? I don't see how it's possible. OP, does your cousin have other history with women, or is this his first "relationship"? Does he have a tendency to make big decisions without much thought? Hey, if it works out, great. I can only imagine in ten years this women wondering what else is out there, though. 18 is SO young. Why not move in with each other for a year, first? Are there cultural or religious factors involved? I am assuming these two are coming from Western culture, but understand that may not be true at all.
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Depending on where you live, suggest to him that it might be better if she could at least legally drink liquor / champagne at her own wedding. If they are destined to be together forever, what difference does it make if forever starts now or when she graduates? Encourage a very long engagement.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I have been with a guy under 20 once and it wasn't that good lol! Yeah I don't think it works both ways
blackcat777 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Any engagement that happens so quickly is always a cause for concern because it's likely impulsive. Add to the fact that this girl is still growing and changing so much... he needs to respect her space and let her define herself first. If the relationship is so perfect and they both know they're soulmates, what's the harm in waiting until she at least finishes school? Like another poster asked, did she just turn 18? I understand the intoxicating feelings of clicking with a person, having connection, chemistry, etc., but if all of those things are FOR REAL, and they really do have forever together, he's doing himself and the girl a favor by waiting. I have a mind-blowing relationship with my boyfriend. He's a freshman in college, I'm late 20s. We've been together for a year. We've always felt like soulmates. However, we did have a gut wrenching breakup for a few months where he took off to see what was out there when he started school... ended up coming back because what we had blew everything else out of the water. In hindsight, though, I'm EXTREMELY happy that he went and explored for himself, so he knows he really wants to be with me. He's actually weighed what he had with me against a sea of other options and chose me because he knew that's what he wanted. I think for a lot of young people in serious relationships, something like this is bound to happen eventually, not because of the other partner, necessarily, but just because of life, new situations, curiosity, whatever. So this is a real and legitimate concern. Since we've been back together, my boyfriend does talk about the future constantly, in that he wants to wake up beside me every day. I let him call the shots and let him know we've moving at HIS pace, and I'm not in this with an objective, but rather along for every step of the journey. I love him, I love the whole experience of being with him, I learn so much from where our perspectives differ. There's no rush to hurry and play house. Divorces are terrible. I wouldn't want to subject anyone to the decision of marriage until they've established themselves enough to find that next step within themselves, independent of me, and I would want to make damn sure that they were prepared and had the context of life experience to make a truly informed decision. I married at 20 and divorced at 21... derp. I am so not proud of that period in my life. It also does bother me that no one ever pulled me aside to ask me what I was thinking, in hindsight. Not sure if I would have listened at the time. Anyway, if this guy really knows she's the one for him, and really loves her, it would be best to take it slow. She needs to live her life, first, and if there's room for him after that, he needs to respect her space to grow.
Gary S Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 (edited) Well, like the institutions that check credit ratings on people... you would like to wait 18 months to 3 years until you have seen a persons' track record in a relationship before you decide to get married. So yeah, while two months is enough time to fall in love, it's not a good idea to get married just yet. It's too fast. The other problem? Many women's brain's don't fully develop until they are 26-27 years old. So as a young woman, she has a higher chance of falling out of love prematurely. Please note that this risk does not mean that she will - it just means the odds are not in her favor. They call it puppy love. Like the old song by Dr. Hook says, "She was too young to fall in love, and I was too young to know". - that line has some eerie truth to it. That said, even though there are a couple of higher risks for divorce with this couple, the marriage could last forever - and I hope that it does! Congratulations! Edited February 20, 2015 by Gary S
stillafool Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Many women's brain's don't fully develop until they are 26-27 years old. When do mens brains fully develop?
Gary S Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 When do mens brains fully develop? - Never I'm joking! I don't know.
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 A young woman reaches full maturity, in terms of brain development, between 21 and 22 years of age. A young man does not reach full maturity, in terms of brain development, until nearly 30 years of age. Gender Differences in the Sequence of Brain Development | Education.com
preraph Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 No matter what she thinks, it's not good for her. And that's the important thing. I hope she has someone experienced she will listen to about it.
Gary S Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Quote: A young woman reaches full maturity, in terms of brain development, between 21 and 22 years of age. A young man does not reach full maturity, in terms of brain development, until nearly 30 years of age. Gender Differences in the Sequence of Brain Development | Education.com - I'm talking about a woman's ability to fall deeply in love with a man long term. Things are different in that section of the brain
Author orangetree Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 OP, what culture are they a part of? Some cultures this would be more practical/common. But yeah - 18 year old girls are highly volatile, one second they think they want one thing, and then another second they want something completely different. I don't see it working out - its possible though. We're from Germany. Such a big age difference isn't common at all, at least not in that age range. If they really get married I hope it will work out for his sake. But I remember how I was with 18... which makes me worry 1
Author orangetree Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Is she preggars? No, very unlikely.
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