Author Popsicle Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 To add to my post above (#20)...IMO meeting on-line should be used as an "introduction"...not as a way to gauge interest and chemistry....which can only be determined face-to-face in person! Again, why waste time and energy texting, believing you have interest or chemistry, getting excited about that....only to meet in person and discovering there is nothing there? Texting is so misleadingly, sets up unrealistic expectations about someone...to me it's such a monumental waste of time. I would rather meet right away at a public place like a cafe, spend 10-15 minutes with a guy in person....and gauge interest and chemistry then.. But to each his own I guess... I agree, but I hate the idea of having a different date (albeit only 15 mins) every day. Maybe online dating is just not for me.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Guys who send copy pasted messages are just throwing their net in the water seeing what they can catch. These are the ones who will talk to you mostly because of your looks. Any guy who is serious about you will exchange a few messages with you first before asking for your number or to meet. I use the dating app to communicate between our date, and will ask for her number after the first date if it goes well. A guy who is "serious" about you? How the hell can a guy (or girl) possibly be "serious" about someone from looking at a few pics and reading a profile? Or sending a few text messages? You can only determine how "serious" you are about someone AFTER you meet in person! To think otherwise is absolutely ludicrous.... If you mean serious about meeting her....oh I think these guys are quite serious about meeting her....IN PERSON....so as to NOT waste time and energy texting only to find that when they do meet IN PERSON.... there is nothing there....and whatever "interest" there was via texting....was just a fantasy and a huge waste of time.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I agree, but I hate the idea of having a different date (albeit only 15 mins) every day. Maybe online dating is just not for me. No sweetie.... ONLY schedule a quick meet up with those guys whose pics you find attractive and whose profiles match up with what you are looking for. Surely not every guy who wants to meet right away has pics and a profile you are somewhat intrigued by. If they do...that still doesn't mean you have to meet every single one. How about a plan to meet one or two guys a week? For 15 minutes at a cafe? Surely you have time for that, right? If you don't have time for even that...then what are doing attempting to date at all?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 A guy who is "serious" about you? How the hell can a guy (or girl) possibly be "serious" about someone from looking at a few pics and reading a profile? Or sending a few text messages? You can only determine how "serious" you are about someone AFTER you meet in person! To think otherwise is absolutely ludicrous.... If you mean serious about meeting her....oh I think these guys are quite serious about meeting her....IN PERSON....so as to NOT waste time and energy texting only to find that when they do meet IN PERSON.... there is nothing there....and whatever "interest" there was via texting....was just a fantasy and a huge waste of time. For ****s sake, a guy who is sending the same **** to 100 women is just looking to get laid. At that point they're not even checking to see if they have the same priorities as you. Why are women so ****ing stuck up? What makes you think you deserve to get asked out in the first message before you even say anything to a guy?
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 For ****s sake, a guy who is sending the same **** to 100 women is just looking to get laid. At that point they're not even checking to see if they have the same priorities as you. Why are women so ****ing stuck up? What makes you think you deserve to get asked out in the first message before you even say anything to a guy? What's up your a$$..geez! Cause I have the audacity to have a different opinion from you? And who said anything about women feeling they "deserve" to be asked out in the first message? I never said that...neither did the OP. The FACT of the matter is that she IS getting asked out in the first message...and I gave my opinion as to why... You don't agree...fine..no need to get nasty about it. And by the way....it's completely presumptuous for you to assume all these guys want is to "get laid. . There is zero of evidence of that. Maybe some are...maybe some aren't. When she meets them IN PERSON she can determine that. IMO meeting on-line is just an introduction to someone....just like if you were to get introduced to someone in real life and they asked if you wanted to meet for coffee.
Author Popsicle Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Like I said, there seems to be a lot of jumpy guys in OLD...
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Like I said, there seems to be a lot of jumpy guys in OLD... There are "jumpy" guys on every dating site. My friends who are match.com, POF and OKCupid experience the same thing. And I am wondering...what do you expect to happen by texting a guy a few times as opposed to meeting for a quick face-to-face? You know that there are many guys out there who will attempt to "pull you in" via texting...so that when you do finally meet in person...you will agree to have sex with them. That's their MO...and unfortunately it works in many cases, leaving the woman disappointed and heartbroken. In fact, judging from the experiences my girlfriends have...that happens more often than not! Popsicle...bottom line is...dating in general is a risk...whether you meet on line or in real life, whether you spending time texting for awhile or not... it's just a numbers game. The more guys you meet IN PERSON, the better chance you have of finding that one special guy for you. Don't make assumptions about men before you meet. and always keep an open mind. Every guy is different and has a different agenda...some only want sex and some are looking to connect with a woman hoping to develop a relationship. Whether they spend time texting first or want to meet right away makes no difference.... IMO. There is NO way for you to determine what a guy wants until you meet him in person ...and even after that....pay attention to his actions. After spending some time with him doing different things and having different experiences... you will know. Go for it...try meeting one or two a week for a quick coffee...see what happens! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
kendahke Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 They don't do any of this. I wasn't exhaggerating when I said they literally say hi do you want to meet for coffee? They don't even ask my name or anything at all. I wonder why THEY want to meet someone like that so quick. I had a man do this--it turned me off to meeting him. He didn't ask my name or anything else.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Having used the shotgun approach before - the quality of women I got from it was drastically lower than actually taking the time to read their profile and show interest. Take that how you will.
Gaeta Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Question for all the women posters on here - Would you meet a guy if he asked to meet you in the first message? Why or why not? Yes, I have. He messaged me at 6 pm a saturday. He said we're 5 mins from each other, I like your profile, if you like mine why not just meet for a coffee and do something with our Saturday. I went and we ended up dating for 1 year. And I have met men after only 1 conversations. Mostly men that during a first conversation we realized our office is side by side downtown so the same day or the next day we meet for a coffee. I have made contact at 7 am and met them same day at 5 pm lol
Gaeta Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Yes, I have. He messaged me at 6 pm a saturday. He said we're 5 mins from each other, I like your profile, if you like mine why not just meet for a coffee and do something with our Saturday. I went and we ended up dating for 1 year. And I have met men after only 1 conversations. Mostly men that during a first conversation we realized our office is side by side downtown so the same day or the next day we meet for a coffee. I have made contact at 7 am and met them same day at 5 pm lol Disclaimer: That is also how I got to meet an obscene amount of men and still be single. I am not saying this is the way to do online dating. Just answering the question.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I am all for a quick meeting. The only condition is that I like his pictures and that he has written a profile of at least some length that I like. Nothing more will be discovered in 3 or so more messages anyway.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Having used the shotgun approach before - the quality of women I got from it was drastically lower than actually taking the time to read their profile and show interest. Take that how you will. barcode...I don't mean to pick on you I promise... but what makes you assume that when a guy asks to meet in the first message.. he has not read her profile? As gaeta said...she has had guys ask to meet right away...saying they liked her profile...so why not meet real quick? I agree there are some guys who only look at pics and don't read profiles...but definitely not all.... I am sorry your "shotgun" experiences haven't gone well...but perhaps if you "had" taken the time to read profiles...you may have had better luck.! I also think by asking to meet right away...you "are" showing interest....unless you are the type of guy who sends 100 "let's meet" messages to women whose profiles you've never bothered to read. :)
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 barcode...I don't mean to pick on you I promise... but what makes you assume that when a guy asks to meet in the first message.. he has not read her profile? As gaeta said...she has had guys ask to meet right away...saying they liked her profile...so why not meet real quick? I agree there are some guys who only look at pics and don't read profiles...but definitely not all.... I am sorry your "shotgun" experiences haven't gone well...but perhaps if you "had" taken the time to read profiles...you may have had better luck.! I also think by asking to meet right away...you "are" showing interest....unless you are the type of guy who sends 100 "let's meet" messages to women whose profiles you've never bothered to read. :) I guess I need to distinguish myself more... If they're asking to meet you in the first message, and there is no indication that they read your profile at all, and it is universal enough to be copy pasted to 100s of women... That is what I'm talking about (shotgun approach). It's easy to tell if a guy is actually writing a message or copy pasting it. If a guy reads a girls profile, notices that they might be a good match (both want kids, similar goals, etc.) and writes her a genuine message and asks her out for coffee -- That's ok. Maybe a little fast from what I usually do, but fine nonetheless. Me Personally -- I'll message her and strike up a short conversation - Gauge her interest level in me (and intelligence for that matter, does she know how to spell - lol) then ask her out. Usually a few messages back and forth really short and sweet.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I guess I need to distinguish myself more... If they're asking to meet you in the first message, and there is no indication that they read your profile at all, and it is universal enough to be copy pasted to 100s of women... That is what I'm talking about (shotgun approach). It's easy to tell if a guy is actually writing a message or copy pasting it. If a guy reads a girls profile, notices that they might be a good match (both want kids, similar goals, etc.) and writes her a genuine message and asks her out for coffee -- That's ok. Maybe a little fast from what I usually do, but fine nonetheless. Me Personally -- I'll message her and strike up a short conversation - Gauge her interest level in me (and intelligence for that matter, does she know how to spell - lol) then ask her out. Usually a few messages back and forth really short and sweet. Okay thanks for clarifying! Makes sense...and your approach is actually perfect. If I were doing on line dating...I would prefer your approach...but would not automatically rule out the guys who asked to meet in first message either... It's all good.....
wb1988 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 All OLD sites should have a daily limit on messages to new people, that would solve all this right? I know that attractive girls get spammed with so many messages that are either not suitable (way below their league, etc) or clearly only for sex.
MissBee Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I like to meet up quickly, but these guys jump right to it after saying nothing else but hello. It's like "Hi do you want to meet for coffee?" They don't even ask my name! Is this normal? The other issue is if I met every guy who said this, without any other thing to screen, I'd never have time for anything else. What gives? I like sooner rather than later meetings, but I mean within a few days of talking. I will not be interested in meeting you after saying hi... In order to want to meet I need to establish some rapport with you and have found you interesting through messages and I ALWAYS have a phone conversation before I meet up. So at minimum we need several messages that are going well and a good phone convo before I'm ready to meet not just "Hi let's go out." 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Well I'm glad that most women are of like mind about meeting ASAP.... Here I thought a lot of them were serial conversationalist lol
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Well I'm glad that most women are of like mind about meeting ASAP.... Here I thought a lot of them were serial conversationalist lol Oh..don't get too excited quite yet....from what I get from my guy friends... there are still ALOT of women who LOVE to text....and actually have no intention... or desire... to meet...ever!! Goes both ways.... It really is a jungle out there.....glad I'm out if it!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Oh..don't get too excited quite yet....from what I get from my guy friends... there are still ALOT of women who LOVE to text....and actually have no intention... or desire... to meet...ever!! Goes both ways.... It really is a jungle out there.....glad I'm out if it! Haha.. I'm on OKC and Match, think i'm going to let OKC go though - don't like they layout as much and its FREE! >_> At least by Match being paid it seems like serial texters are an all time low...
Author Popsicle Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I like sooner rather than later meetings, but I mean within a few days of talking. I will not be interested in meeting you after saying hi... In order to want to meet I need to establish some rapport with you and have found you interesting through messages and I ALWAYS have a phone conversation before I meet up. So at minimum we need several messages that are going well and a good phone convo before I'm ready to meet not just "Hi let's go out." Thank you. That's how I feel too. And I hate texting. I hate writing too (can't you tell?) but I realize a little bit of it is a necessity.
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