Popsicle Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I like to meet up quickly, but these guys jump right to it after saying nothing else but hello. It's like "Hi do you want to meet for coffee?" They don't even ask my name! Is this normal? The other issue is if I met every guy who said this, without any other thing to screen, I'd never have time for anything else. What gives?
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 They are copy/pasting this to a thousand girls, hoping to get 1 bite. Carpet bombing tactics. Like any other kind of spam, ignore it. Or if you like the guy, write him back and say you'd like to ask him a few questions first - take it from there. But more than likely he's not taking it seriously and is probably just after a leg over. Guys looking for real relationships put in a bit more effort than Ctrl-C Ctrl-V.
losangelena Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Yeah, I agree. Try to engage in conversation, or ignore. I'm all for meeting up quickly, but there needs to be some back and forth first. Otherwise, who knows what you're getting into.
Toodaloo Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Ha I did this it was only on second or third message and was a hey its a lovely day instead of messaging why not just go out... Didn't work lol
oldshirt Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I'm married and involved in OLD at all but if I was, my objective would be to meet people and date in real life and not just have pen pals online. That would require a certain amount of messaging and background information to determine age, lifestyle, General interests and objectives, clear current pictures, confirmation the other person is actually single etc But once that is accomplished the goal would be to meet in person and see if there is an actual potential in real life. If a guy doesn't maintain good boundaries and have a plan in place, there are countless women that will burn up months chatting online just to be entertained and get their ego stroked without going to the next step of meeting in the real world.
mysteryscape Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Yeah it just feels so cold. It's online dating.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 A guy should at least show that he read your profile by mentioning something you said or commenting on a photo. Otherwise it's in your best interest to ignore. The copy pasters are typically guys who are less serious. There are guys who will message 100 people a day with a copy pasted message and get a ~5% response rate, so it DOES work... For guys OLD is more of a numbers game since there are a lot of women who hardly read the messages and just skip to their profile and see if they are "Dateable" or not. I'd say after ~5 messages or so a guy should ask to meet you. Obviously by replying to him in the first place you checked their profile and approved of them, so after a few more messages back and forth, you should be ready to meet. You don't want to spend too much time messaging or one (or both) parties will get bored.
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Saying do you want to meet before even saying hello is a little fast. It may be the shot gun approach. Some people say that's better then getting stuck with somebody who only wants to be a pen pal. I always thought there had to be a happy medium
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Saying do you want to meet before even saying hello is a little fast. It may be the shot gun approach. Some people say that's better then getting stuck with somebody who only wants to be a pen pal. I always thought there had to be a happy medium I'd be game meeting right away if I'm interested in a girl. I usually wait a few messages though because I want to gain rapport with them so they are comfortable with me. I feel it makes things less stressful for both parties. On other sites a lot of girls just wanted "pen pals" I felt - they would put off meeting for reasons like "I don't know you well enough yet" - well no ****? Lol. On Match though every girl that I've conversed with ~5 or more messages has been game for getting a drink together. I think the fact that people are paying, you weed out a lot of the uninterested people.
Erised Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I think it's good to meet almost immediately with online dating. But. You have to see whether you're interested first. And that's not enough.
Author Popsicle Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I'm married and involved in OLD at all but if I was, my objective would be to meet people and date in real life and not just have pen pals online. That would require a certain amount of messaging and background information to determine age, lifestyle, General interests and objectives, clear current pictures, confirmation the other person is actually single etc But once that is accomplished the goal would be to meet in person and see if there is an actual potential in real life. If a guy doesn't maintain good boundaries and have a plan in place, there are countless women that will burn up months chatting online just to be entertained and get their ego stroked without going to the next step of meeting in the real world. A guy should at least show that he read your profile by mentioning something you said or commenting on a photo. Otherwise it's in your best interest to ignore. The copy pasters are typically guys who are less serious. There are guys who will message 100 people a day with a copy pasted message and get a ~5% response rate, so it DOES work... For guys OLD is more of a numbers game since there are a lot of women who hardly read the messages and just skip to their profile and see if they are "Dateable" or not. I'd say after ~5 messages or so a guy should ask to meet you. Obviously by replying to him in the first place you checked their profile and approved of them, so after a few more messages back and forth, you should be ready to meet. You don't want to spend too much time messaging or one (or both) parties will get bored. They don't do any of this. I wasn't exhaggerating when I said they literally say hi do you want to meet for coffee? They don't even ask my name or anything at all. I wonder why THEY want to meet someone like that so quick.
Author Popsicle Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I think it's good to meet almost immediately with online dating. But. You have to see whether you're interested first. And that's not enough. What if I, Popsicle, said to you right now, "Hi Erised. Do you want to meet me for coffee?" Would that sound Normal?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 What if I, Popsicle, said to you right now, "Hi Erised. Do you want to meet me for coffee?" Would that sound Normal? IMO No. You shouldn't ask for a meet in the first message... If you DO, you should at least show that you read their profile too. Question for all the women posters on here - Would you meet a guy if he asked to meet you in the first message? Why or why not? 1
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Question for all the women posters on here - Would you meet a guy if he asked to meet you in the first message? Why or why not? I wouldn't / didn't. I would say in response, can we chat a little first & maybe revisit the issue of meeting in our 2nd conversation? 1
Author Popsicle Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 IMO No. You shouldn't ask for a meet in the first message... If you DO, you should at least show that you read their profile too. Question for all the women posters on here - Would you meet a guy if he asked to meet you in the first message? Why or why not? I think I made my feelings clear in that already. I am trying to figure out how to respond to this and handle in a way that doesn't make me seem disinterested or worse a scammer.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I think I made my feelings clear in that already. I am trying to figure out how to respond to this and handle in a way that doesn't make me seem disinterested or worse a scammer. As a guy - I'll tell you that in MY opinion you should wait a few messages. (like 5 or so between both of you) before you agree to meet. But you SHOULD meet relatively quickly. You don't need to give your number out to meet, just setup a time/date on the app (you can get the mobile app for your phone too) and meet somewhere public. If you like the guy after meeting, you can give them your number.
Gary S Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 (edited) You should exchange messages for at least 3-5 days before meeting. Those guys are moving way too fast... as a woman, you need to feel comfortable before meeting. Edit: also, today, things have changed... because cell phones have become so popular, it's best to ask for a number first and make one call, rather than going straight to a date. Edited February 20, 2015 by Gary S
Author Popsicle Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 As a guy - I'll tell you that in MY opinion you should wait a few messages. (like 5 or so between both of you) before you agree to meet. But you SHOULD meet relatively quickly. You don't need to give your number out to meet, just setup a time/date on the app (you can get the mobile app for your phone too) and meet somewhere public. If you like the guy after meeting, you can give them your number. Okay but what is the best thing to say to them when they ask to meet right away? Or ask for my phone number after one message? I'm not complaining, just trying to find the right thing to say.
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 I think it's good to meet almost immediately with online dating. But. You have to see whether you're interested first. And that's not enough. I dunno...why not casually meet for coffee (in person)...for 15 minutrs to see if you're interested? Again, face to face...in personl I don't see anything wrong with this. If you find him attractive from his pics, you like his profile, why not? It's 15 minutes and it saves a lot of wasted time and energy texting/ calling if turns out you have no chemistry when you meet in person. I see no difference between that approach ... and spontaneously meeting a stranger at a coffee shop while hanging out there on a lazy afternoon... and striking up a casual convo with a guy. Coffee cafes are great places to meet people. I don't do on line dating as I have a boyfriend... but yet whenever I hang out there for while, I always end up chatting with a few guys who are doing the same. Strangers! If I didn't have a boyfriend, and a guy I found nice and attractive asked me out, I would go! So what do you have to lose? Again it's 15 minutes, and if you're clicking and there's chemistry... IN PERSON...take it someplace else and hang out longer and/or make another date! Texting for awhile before meeting often sets up unrealistic expectations. You could spend days or even weeks texting to see if there is an interest...only to meet IN PERSON and discover there is no chemistry! I actually think it's a good idea to meet right away!!! You can determine if there is interest and chemistry while having coffee in person. Again, it's 15 minutes and if there is nothing there, you politely excuse yourself and say nice meeting you.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Okay but what is the best thing to say to them when they ask to meet right away? Or ask for my phone number after one message? I'm not complaining, just trying to find the right thing to say. Well.. Most of those guys aren't really reading your profile or genuinely interested in you. They just look at your pics and rate you on a scale of: * Would Bang * Would not bang If you meet the former criteria, he sends you a copy pasted message. Do you really want to keep talking to them? If you're looking for quality, talk to someone who actually spent time reading your profile and shows it. 1
Author Popsicle Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Well.. Most of those guys aren't really reading your profile or genuinely interested in you. They just look at your pics and rate you on a scale of: * Would Bang * Would not bang If you meet the former criteria, he sends you a copy pasted message. Do you really want to keep talking to them? If you're looking for quality, talk to someone who actually spent time reading your profile and shows it. Well that sounds a little jaded. I know some guys get tired of the scammers and the penpal types. I would like to find that balance
katiegrl Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 To add to my post above (#20)...IMO meeting on-line should be used as an "introduction"...not as a way to gauge interest and chemistry....which can only be determined face-to-face in person! Again, why waste time and energy texting, believing you have interest or chemistry, getting excited about that....only to meet in person and discovering there is nothing there? Texting is so misleadingly, sets up unrealistic expectations about someone...to me it's such a monumental waste of time. I would rather meet right away at a public place like a cafe, spend 10-15 minutes with a guy in person....and gauge interest and chemistry then.. But to each his own I guess...
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Well that sounds a little jaded. I know some guys get tired of the scammers and the penpal types. I would like to find that balance Guys who send copy pasted messages are just throwing their net in the water seeing what they can catch. These are the ones who will talk to you mostly because of your looks. Any guy who is serious about you will exchange a few messages with you first before asking for your number or to meet. I use the dating app to communicate between our date, and will ask for her number after the first date if it goes well.
Author Popsicle Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Guys who send copy pasted messages are just throwing their net in the water seeing what they can catch. These are the ones who will talk to you mostly because of your looks. Any guy who is serious about you will exchange a few messages with you first before asking for your number or to meet. I use the dating app to communicate between our date, and will ask for her number after the first date if it goes well. I think I'm just getting a bunch of guys who think I'm not real and are jumpy about scammers.
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