Met a girl online, met in real life two times the past week... something feels wrong.

[Enigma]

Right... This will be a really damn long explanation, and i'm not even sure theres a clear question in it. But for anyone with some time on their hands. Read it through and just tell me what you think.

 

Well, about... 2 months and a week ago, i got a guestbookentry from a person i didnt know on a community im in on the net, like a pm here i guess, it was kinda short just asking a small question, anyways, i checked the persons bio and noticed i had alot of interests in common with this girl, so i sent back, and we started talking, we continued sending long long letters to each other, (letters that take atleast half an hour to write), we noticed we shared the same taste in books, music, movies, everything, so we had alot to talk about. We sent mails to each other every day for two months.

 

We started joking about meeting up, and so we did, last wednesday. It was really nice, she was as cute as i had imagined, we met up at the trainstation, and spent the next seven and a half hours talking, browsing shops, sitting in a cafe, or in the part, almost no awkward silences, we always had something to talk about due to our interests being the same, then we sat down at the trainstation waiting for my train to arrive, she told me "This might be weird, but i am going to hug you" and i got a hug. Things seemed well, and yeah, i had fallen in love with this girl, completely.

 

During these hours, we talked some about movies, going to the cinema etc, not specifically us two going to the cinema though, i took it as a hint and invited her to go see "Constantine" with me last saturday, she said yes, i couldnt have been happier. We set time and i booked tickets, i picked them up and waited at the cinema for her, she arrived 20 mins before the movie started, we got snacks and saw the movie... watching a movie with someone you like, but not sure its mutual, is clearly overrated, i missed just talking to her, so there was 2 hours of us just watching the movie... me asking her if she was ok during some of the scarier parts of the movie, when all i wanted to really do was hold her tight as she jumped in her seat... but not daring to since it might be seen as rude. I acted under the idea that "Better not doing something she wants to do, then do something she doesnt" and thus i sat still in my seat, offering her popcorn when she ran out, trying to be the perfect gentleman.

 

Movie ended, we walked outside, it was cold as hell, she was practically shivering, we talked for a small bit, i handed her a cd i was lending her that wed been talking about, she thought it was nice of me, we talked for a small bit more (all in all perhaps 5 min) before i told her that she should hurry home due to the cold.

We hugged, which was nice, ofcourse, and she walked off, she looked back once, i stood looking at her til she went out of sight. I was in a good mood, except for a gnawing feeling that i had done something wrong, or that something was wrong.

 

The gnawing feeling refuses to go away, i know, conciously, that nothing bad has happened, but i got this feeling that it will all go to hell, any second now. And since this girl is just so perfect.. and im certain that wed be perfect for each other... the feeling just scares me. I'm seeing signs that things are wrong, or to be honest, im looking for them. The feeling is so bad my stomach is aching physically...

 

Examples of things that i see as bad signs? Its small things that shouldnt mean anything. She writing shorter messages then before, lack of smileys, she not writing to me first when logging in, she not sending me a mail for one day even though shes been at the comp, all of these things have happened before during the two months we talked, its just that now they really seem to matter

 

Things went well the two times we met in real life, i havent done anything out of line, im certain of that.. but still my stomach is cramping as soon as i think about it, because something in the back of my head is telling me that something i did, or something i didnt do, or even something i cant control, has made my chances with this girl be completely gone...

 

In the end. I just want this to work out... I truly believe that we would make a great couple... So any ideas, tips, or whatever.. would be greatly appreciated...

 

This is the place where the question should go, but there isnt one. I'm not sure why i'm posting this... Just post whatever you think i guess....

 

Thanks.

[EC]

I think everything is going ok. I mean you did meet online so things can be a little weird.

 

Shes still writing to you so thats a good thing. I think your worrying because you really like her and don't want things to go wrong. But so far everything is ok so don't worry about it.

 

Start worrying when she doesn't write back to you at all or something or doesn't want to hang out anymore.

[whichwayisup]

I was in a good mood, except for a gnawing feeling that i had done something wrong, or that something was wrong.

 

Go with your gut. If something didn't feel right you know it inside.

 

You did nothing wrong. It could be online you both connected really well, that whole intimacy and alot of feelings...Meeting face to face could have shifted that energy and maybe it wasn't felt as deeply. I don't know, maybe she likes you more than you know and she's scared? I would come right out and ask her what is going on. Be honest with what you are feeling right now - She'll respect that and hopefully be as honest back to you.

 

I do hope it works out!

[FolderWife]

just tell me what you think.

 

I think it really sucks that I'm pmsing, and someone stole my last d*mn cream cheese pretzel out of the fridge, and I WAS REAAAAAAAALLY looking forward to my pretzel and coffee this morning

 

Now, on to you.

 

#1 Instincs are usually pretty good...if you have a feeling that something is wrong, something could very well be wrong.

#2 Is this girl out of your league looks wise? I dated some guys who fell for me when they saw me, but they weren't my taste physically and that was that. One time, I had a phone/internet friend that I was nuts about...until we met face to face...he was down right goofy looking...which just ruined the whole fantasy of us being made for each other.

#3 If you're not unattractive compared to her, then it's probably just your imagination.

#4 Maybe now that you've actually met, the excitement has worn off

#5 ....ASK HER ALREADY! FOR GOD'S SAKE, ASK HER!!!

 

 

Tell her that you are nuts about her. Tell her that you think she's beautiful. Then ask her if she sees a future for the two of you as a couple. If she says no, then if you're ok with being friends, tell her that you can just be friends, and still hang out...but you wanted to let her know that you thought that you two would be great as a couple, and wanted to see how she felt.

 

#6 She could be playing hard to get

[Enigma]

EC. Yeah. I guess. Thats what i meant by "nothing bad has happened", We still talk like before, and still joke around. Its my subconcious messing with me..

 

whichwayisup: The feeling wasnt from something that had happened, things had gone well... it was just, i dunno, i was scared that something was wrong, and since i had no idea what could be wrong i started looking for things that might be bad signs... and when youre looking for bad omens, you tend to find alot of them.

 

Monday, sorry to hear about that pretzel =/..

 

Well.. as i said, i think the instinct is just the fear of this all going to hell..

 

About her looks, i got a weird taste when it comes to that, this girl isnt "hot" or "sexy" or whatever, shes cute, shes really damn cute... and lately ive been getting confidence about my looks, which ive had zero of before, i dont think thats the problem.. it could be though...

 

Ask her?... well. i wouldnt know how, and it feels as if its too soon... it would be completely out of the blue from her perspective...

 

Well, ill be honest, i dont really have that much experience when it comes to dating and relationships, partly because im 19, and mostly because ive had the worst selfconfidence ever, which have spoiled any chance i ever had with a girl. I promised myself i wouldnt let that come in the way this time, and it hasnt haunted me sofar, until now.

 

Thanks for the help, just talking about it makes me feel more certain about the whole thing.

[tiki]

Did you look like your picture? I mean, honestly?

[EC]

Ask her?... well. i wouldnt know how, and it feels as if its too soon... it would be completely out of the blue from her perspective

 

Nah I think you are doing great for now. Don't ask her and freak her out. Just continue to be yourself..continue writing and joking.

 

Like a friend of mine told me 'death is word of mouth' meaning the more you think something bad is going to happen then it will happen.

[newby]

RELAX

no i dont think you should come right out with that you are nuts about her, but be BOLD

next time you write though

say hi beautiful or hey georgeous or something, give a little but not too much but be bold act confident but not presumptious

[moimeme]

before i told her that she should hurry home due to the cold.

 

She may have gotten the feeling that you were trying to ditch her and looking for a lame excuse to do so. *Never* make decisions for other people like that. She chose to brave the cold for you and you told her to get lost. If you're concerned for someone, don't tell them like that. You should have asked her if she was sure she wasn't too cold to stay. I know you were trying to be nice, but you went about it the wrong way.

[EC]

before i told her that she should hurry home due to the cold.

 

 

 

She may have gotten the feeling that you were trying to ditch her and looking for a lame excuse to do so. *Never* make decisions for other people like that. She chose to brave the cold for you and you told her to get lost. If you're concerned for someone, don't tell them like that. You should have asked her if she was sure she wasn't too cold to stay. I know you were trying to be nice, but you went about it the wrong way.

 

I was also going to point that out! She may have felt a little embarrassed and felt you were trying to rush her home?

 

But even still I dont think that was that bad.

[Enigma]

Tiki: Did i alter the pic to look like something im not? No. I did take a pic from the angle, etc that i thought i looked best in though, but i think thats natural...

 

Yeah EC. ill just try and not think about til she writes to me the next time....

 

Newby, ill see if i can do that without being too weird.

[moimeme]

But even still I dont think that was that bad.

 

You know how it is when you're first getting to know someone. Every breath and twitch is significant

[Enigma]

Well, shes online in the community right now, i guess this is it. If she doesnt reply to my last mail this time, then something really is wrong =/.... (she has never ever missed to answer it twice)...

[Merin]

I think you're over thinking this..

 

You know you've done nothing wrong.. secondly if she didn't like you she wouldn't have agreed to a second in person get together with you.

 

My take is you've discovered you really like her and now you're sweating out every word she says/doesn't say.

Breathe.. LOL it sounds like things are okay.

[Enigma]

I needed to hear that. Haha..

 

Yeah, screw this, im going afk for a few hours, if she replies, she replies, cant do anything about it anyways.

 

So yeah, see ya later, and feel free to leave all sorts of helpful pointers or ideas on what i should do next, as i said im really damn new to this stuff

 

Thanks for the help.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I'm with Monday. Ask her out again! You'll have your answer.

 

You're trying too hard not to appear overly eager…and she may be doing the exact same thing. It's my guess that you both may be sending mixed signals. Someone's got to take the initiative. If you like her enough, don't be afraid to let her know. Next time, take her somewhere that the two of you can talk and really get to know each other better. Movies are fun, but they don't always make good first dates.

 

You know how it is when you're first getting to know someone. Every breath and twitch is significant

 

So true!

[Pendawn]

I had a kind of similar experience to this. I met a man online we had 2 fabulous dates and as he left on the second date I felt total panic and dread. Once he'd left I just had this awful feeling it was over etc, even though he had said the exact opposite.

 

I had been used to seeing him almost nightly online and that week he came on briefly but was sick and left, and then he didn't come online again for several days. I assumed this meant he was trying to give me the brush off, but when i contacted him, he replied and siad he was looking forward to seeing me but I STILL worried. He changed his habits of conatcting me for no reason whatsoever, it turned out, but from my side it looked like he wasn't interested. Like you i was wondering why no kisses on the texts anymore etc?

 

Anyway it was fine, was just one of those things and he was sitll super interested in me and we carried on dating. I do think that instincts can tell us a lot but I also think when something is REALLY great we suddenly panic nad see all kind fo problems. IMO the stronger the feeling the bigger the doubt.

 

Hope it works out.

[Enigma]

EnigmaXOXO: Well, the first time we met wasnt at the movies, it was last wednesday, we spent like seven hours just talking, five of those in a nice cafe

 

Pendawn, yeah, thats really similar to this... meh, i just hope things will work out, shes apparently very busy with schoolwork lately too, that might also be it... I hope your right pendawn ^^

 

Talking to her at the moment. dont think its the right time to ask her out again though (shes slaving over an essay)

 

(She really doesnt sound as cheerful when were talking as she used to.. or well, in her mails)

[Enigma]

Well, to whomever cares.

 

We talked for abit, i countered her not speaking much and lack of cheerfulness with just being like i always am. cheerful and writing loads (she usually does too) and asked her "You seem to be abit less cheerful the last few days, anything wrong? lot of schoolwork?" etc... ill see what she answers tomorrow...

 

I cant shake the feeling that she doesnt want anything to do with me anymore...

[EnigmaXOXO]

How often do you two actually talk over the phone?

 

Does your communication usually consist of emailing back and forth?

 

The problem is, after the second date, you should feel more at ease with actually "talking" to each other. Emails are one dimensional. You can't gage any emotions behind written words other than those you apply to it. Leaves too much open for speculation and your imagination will run wild…even absent all the usual smilies and hearts.

 

You'd be able to get a better read on the situation by actually 'hearing' her voice. Would you consider calling her…just to say "hello" and catch up? She might appreciate the extra effort.

[Enigma]

Yeah, we usually write long emails to each other... even though after saturday hers has been rather short, it could be the fact that she has a big essay due this week... or something else..

 

The thing about calling her is, i wouldnt know how to explain me calling her out of the sudden... :/

[Pendawn]

Originally posted by Enigma

Yeah, we usually write long emails to each other... even though after saturday hers has been rather short, it could be the fact that she has a big essay due this week... or something else..

 

The thing about calling her is, i wouldnt know how to explain me calling her out of the sudden... :/

 

I think you SHOULD call her, that was what I did that put my mind to rest. Hearing his voice sounding pleased to speak to me reassured me a lot. And as for explaining it? It's simple. Tell her you just wanted to hear her voice. Tell you you were a little worried she didn't seem as happy as usual and you missed her voice. If she likes you, she'll be delighted to hear that. If she has moved on you'll be able to tell by her reaction. Tell her you were worried about calling her because you didn't want to disturb her, again her reaction should tell you what you need to know.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I can tell you really like her, cause you're a nervous wreck!

 

What would happen if...after getting her email tomorrow...instead of "writing" back to her, you'd pick up the phone and call her instead? Once you establish a routine, maybe it won't feel as awkward for you as it does right now.

 

I'm pulling for ya! I'd really like to see you win your gal!

[Enigma]

Yeah, i must come off as a wreck... its just that, ive been in love before, sure, but not like this, this girl is just so right for me, and i got the feeling we can be right for each other if she just gives it a chance, thats why im so damn scared of messing it up. Well, i guess ill reply her mail tomorrow by calling her. even though it might be abit awkward i think i really need to hear her voice, that way ill know for sure =/

[RecordProducer]

Ask her out and you'll find out soon how she feels about you. All you want to know will be revealed to you. If she is the right one, you'll be happy together. If not then...well c'est la vie!