bubbaganoosh Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I have apologized profusely again and again, re-opened the lines of communication and done some other things to make it up. At this point she said don't worry about and laughed at me for being suspicious. Does a single over reaction constitute a control freak? Probably not. Hope Shimmers, Unfortunately, most of you are 6 time divorcees that change partners like candy. I bet most of you don't even know if your kids are actually yours or belong to the mail man. That truly speaks about the state of your knowledge about marriage. Thanks again for the advice. Friend. You came here for advice and you got it. Now you don't like what you read and you decide to lash out with childish name calling. Do everyone a favor and grow up solve your own problems since your the know it all. You came to us, not the other way around. I really feel bad for your wife. 3
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Unfortunately, most of you are 6 time divorcees that change partners like candy. I bet most of you don't even know if your kids are actually yours or belong to the mail man. That truly speaks about the state of your knowledge about marriage. Wow, you come on here asking if what you've seen constitutes as possible cheating from your wife and a VAST majority stated that she wasn't and that YOU, sir..were out of line. Then, you come back and insult the people that gave you advice. You stated that in your culture, accusing your spouse of cheating is a big deal. Well, guess what pal, you're not in India anymore. You're in Canada and if you talk to your wife like you just talked to a bunch of people trying to help you, then sooner or later your wife is going to wake up to the fact that she isn't in India anymore and will divorce your ass in a minute if you don't start to wise up. By the way, I'm still on my first marriage and it's still going strong. Keep talking and acting the way you do, and you won't be able to say the same anymore. 1
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Yes, I did ask for advice. Not a beat down. People make mistakes. I didn't cheat, beat people up or kill someone. Don't know what's going on in my brain having weird and wonderful thoughts. After nearly 6 years of working straight finally need a vacation or some time off. I'm physically and mentally exhausted.
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 No one was beating you down! Okay, several people told you that you were wrong and I guess hearing that over and over doesn't help, but it should have opened up your eyes. If you cherish your wife, then you need to fix this kind of behavior or else I can pretty much tell you that she'll be gone. Do you want that? You said that you apologized over and over. Well, words are cheap dude. You need to SHOW her that you're sorry. Buy her flowers for no reason, leave her little love notes around the house for her to find. Sweep her away to a weekend getaway to a Bed and Breakfast (sounds like YOU need that just as much as her to re-energize and decompress) and take her shopping. Re-connect with her! Even the smallest gestures have a BIG impact on a woman if it's heartfelt. And I agree with the other when they suggested that you seek individual counseling to get a handle on your jealousy and insecurity issues. That will also SHOW her that your willing to fix things about yourself to make your marriage even stronger. 3
fellini Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Actually the OP is correct - they were beating him down. many responses were overly sarcastic and in poor taste. IF ONLY they had said he was wrong, but they took cheap shots and you know it. That said his comments later sunk to their level. As for the comment about you are in Canada, not India, shows a real lack of understanding of Canadian respect for the cultural diversity of it's citizens. There is no melting pot in Canada, it's a mosaic model, so no, he has only to respect Canadian laws but is free to and in fact encouraged to be faithful to his customs. No one was beating you down! Okay, several people told you that you were wrong and I guess hearing that over and over doesn't help, but it should have opened up your eyes. If you cherish your wife, then you need to fix this kind of behavior or else I can pretty much tell you that she'll be gone. Do you want that? You said that you apologized over and over. Well, words are cheap dude. You need to SHOW her that you're sorry. Buy her flowers for no reason, leave her little love notes around the house for her to find. Sweep her away to a weekend getaway to a Bed and Breakfast (sounds like YOU need that just as much as her to re-energize and decompress) and take her shopping. Re-connect with her! Even the smallest gestures have a BIG impact on a woman if it's heartfelt. And I agree with the other when they suggested that you seek individual counseling to get a handle on your jealousy and insecurity issues. That will also SHOW her that your willing to fix things about yourself to make your marriage even stronger. 1
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Thanks guys for your responses. We are leaving for a resort in San Antonio next week. Our first true vacation together alone. We both want to take our kids as well but this time we are not going to. She seems happy, receptive and excited. I apologize to the posters whom I offended. But people need to stop throwing around "divorce" like it means nothing. It takes years to build a home but seconds to destroy it. Divorce should be a last last option. But since that meltdown we are on better terms than ever before. But that pill thing scared the crap out of me. The kicker is that the guy I yelled at told me trust my wife, she comes from a good family and I entire don't know her. I accused a women of infidelity whom never had a relationship before me, and her entire day revolves around me. I drive a truck long haul and when I get on the road at 4 am she wakes up and gives me call to see if I'm ok, took my lunch etc. And calls or texts every couple of hours to see if I'm ok. I'm a moron 2
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I accused a women of infidelity whom never had a relationship before me, and her entire day revolves around me. I drive a truck long haul and when I get on the road at 4 am she wakes up and gives me call to see if I'm ok, took my lunch etc. And calls or texts every couple of hours to see if I'm ok. I'm a moron BINGO! It sounds like you have a good one right there. You need to do whatever you can to safeguard what you have with her. My father taught me that if you treat a woman with kindness, love and respect, then she's going to give that back to you and A LOT more with it. If something is bothering you (like her talking to other guys), then you need to TALK to her. Not berate and accuse or yell and scream. But, talk in a calm and even manner. She's your partner and will listen to what you have to say and the both of you should be able to find a happy median. 2
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Sorry? Are you talking to me?
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Sorry? Are you talking to me? He was trying to do a Canadian joke but he got it wrong. It "Eh" not "he"! 2
thummper Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Probably wouldn't hurt to contact the guy in India and apologize to him, too. He's most likely still shaking his head wondering, "What in the hell was THAT all about?!!!)
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Yeah, he didn't know what was going on. But I can't bring myself to say sorry. Even thinking about another person or actively trying to contact them while married is slimey.
Satu Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I'm glad that you're having a better day today. I hope that your holiday does you both good. Chill out and unwind. Relax, refresh, and renew. All the best, Satu
Mal78 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I have apologized profusely again and again, re-opened the lines of communication and done some other things to make it up. At this point she said don't worry about and laughed at me for being suspicious. Does a single over reaction constitute a control freak? Probably not. Hope Shimmers, Unfortunately, most of you are 6 time divorcees that change partners like candy. I bet most of you don't even know if your kids are actually yours or belong to the mail man. That truly speaks about the state of your knowledge about marriage. Thanks again for the advice. You keep validating, for us what kind of man your wife has to endure. Is your above, blanket statement projection? Could it be you don't give your wife an ounce of trust that these things float around in *your* brain and have for years. Really, if you had the answers you wouldn't be a)seeking advice b)be in this world of turmoil. If you don't trust your wife to this extreme (she did everything right by you, it is as if regardless of what her *friend* did/said you would blame your wife) LET HER GO!! ***Side note. Married 20 years. 5 children with no doubts of paternity. You may not find I have merit, however your display has proven I'd rather get marriage advice from "6 time divorcées who change partners like candy" then advice from a man who has his wife in a choke hold. Who would rather kill herself/put herself in a heavy sleep than deal with your irrational wrath. 1
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 You keep validating, for us what kind of man your wife has to endure. Is your above, blanket statement projection? Could it be you don't give your wife an ounce of trust that these things float around in *your* brain and have for years. Really, if you had the answers you wouldn't be a)seeking advice b)be in this world of turmoil. If you don't trust your wife to this extreme (she did everything right by you, it is as if regardless of what her *friend* did/said you would blame your wife) LET HER GO!! ***Side note. Married 20 years. 5 children with no doubts of paternity. You may not find I have merit, however your display has proven I'd rather get marriage advice from "6 time divorcées who change partners like candy" then advice from a man who has his wife in a choke hold. Who would rather kill herself/put herself in a heavy sleep than deal with your irrational wrath. Dude, you probably read that and immediately jumped to the response. Don't blame ya. But, he's apologized for his outburst. 2
Hope Shimmers Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Actually the OP is correct - they were beating him down. many responses were overly sarcastic and in poor taste. IF ONLY they had said he was wrong, but they took cheap shots and you know it. That said his comments later sunk to their level. This is what the OP said to me: "Hope Shimmers, Unfortunately, most of you are 6 time divorcees that change partners like candy. I bet most of you don't even know if your kids are actually yours or belong to the mail man. That truly speaks about the state of your knowledge about marriage. " Not only is this insulting WAY beyond anything anyone said in this thread to the OP, it's completely false. I've been on this forum for many more years than my profile indicates, and I actually recall few if any people here who met that criteria. If the words he received were harsh, then it was deserved because what she endured was verbal and mental ABUSE. It wasn't just an "overreaction". I think people were trying to convey the seriousness of that reaction. The OP also owes an apology to the person he shouted at for an hour in India. The notion that he does not want to apologize because it's "slimey" for any person to even have an innocent conversation with someone of the opposite sex - ridiculous. Should married people never speak to half the world's population just because they are married? Hopefully there is a bit more trust involved in the average marriage than that. Hope the OP's marriage works out. Glad that things are better today, but from being in that same role for years on end and being repeatedly berated for things I didn't do and being falsely accused of "cheating", I can tell you that it's more likely that she just wants it to be over with for now. That's what I did too. (Including taking the pills). It's not a fun way to live, and I hope OP gets help. 1
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Lol do you think it's slimey of a married man to be asking about some girl in the pat, that too with my wife. Is that ok in your world?
Chi townD Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Lol do you think it's slimey of a married man to be asking about some girl in the pat, that too with my wife. Is that ok in your world? Well, as long as he wasn't making a pass at your wife, it's none of your business. If this dude wants to cheat on his wife, then it's his wife's business, and trust me, she would find out. So, there really wasn't any point on calling this asshat. 1
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Unfortunately, I don't know much about the pills. By my count she took a couple of sleeping pills based on what was in the bottle and what was missing. That's about it. I can't tell you much more. After a few hours of sleep she did seem relaxed. Relaxed enough to go to England the next day.
JohnMcClaine Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 That truly speaks about the state of your knowledge about marriage. Given what you wrote in your original post, I'd feel more comfortable getting marriage advice from just about anyone else on this site over you. You would do well to listen to the people here and see a therapist instead of getting defensive over your juvenile behavior. 1
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Well, as long as he wasn't making a pass at your wife, it's none of your business. If this dude wants to cheat on his wife, then it's his wife's business, and trust me, she would find out. So, there really wasn't any point on calling this asshat. Understandable. But this type of mentality I don't want around me or my family. I suggested to him to talk to his wife about his need for a girlfriend not another's Wife. I guess I was also mad because my wife at first defended it as innocent.
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Given what you wrote in your original post, I'd feel more comfortable getting marriage advice from just about anyone else on this site over you. You would do well to listen to the people here and see a therapist instead of getting defensive over your juvenile behavior. That's nice sir. please indicate how many times you have been married before answering my question. Based on that I will decide if you should be listened too.
JohnMcClaine Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 That's nice sir. please indicate how many times you have been married before answering my question. Based on that I will decide if you should be listened too. I've been married once and am still married, and you never asked me a question. Your decision to listen to the advice of people here should stem from a realization of your own disturbing behavior, not from how many times people on here giving you advice have been married. 1
coryreply Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 By nature I'm suspicious, jealous and insecure. The issue is with my wife or its just me. Hey Sunny. This is something you admitted in your original post. What is your plan to work on this so it doesn't happen again? BTW, sorry you're feeling dumped on. Thanks for not running away! 1
Author SunnyCanadian Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I've been married once and am still married, and you never asked me a question. Your decision to listen to the advice of people here should stem from a realization of your own disturbing behavior, not from how many times people on here giving you advice have been married. I can listen to advice. But do not care about the sledgehammer approach taken by some. Some of you are a step away from calling me a mass murdererer. Did I tell you the gentlemen called my house? Unfortunately, a very talkative relative picked up and happily passed on the message to everyone
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