lumberjac Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Hi guys. I've been on here since day 1 of the break up. Reading all the posts and replies helped me a lot, but I'm now at the stage where I don't know what to do, or what I want. I would really appreciate if you guys can share some thoughts. Me (23) and her (20) got together in May last year, since then everyday had been amazing and happy. We live in different cities which is 1.5 hours drive away, we are both at university and we always tried to see each other at the weekends every two weeks. Since we couldn't see each other often, texts and messages were the main way for us to keep contact, we would message each other on Facebook frequently everyday. It suited us both as we are both busy with uni stuff and we would call each other at nights occasionally. We had so much great time, my family loves her, her family loves me. and our families even got together for a dinner at christmas. Every moment was perfect, until 8 months later and everything turned 180' all of a sudden. Late January on a Thursday, we were still messaging each other in the morning, she posted a picture I made for her on fb, her friends and cousins commented saying how nice it is, she replied "I know, he's the best". We were still messaging and I asked her if she would like me to come down to see her this weekend or if she would like to come up to my place. She then replied saying "I'll come up, theres something I want to talk to you", I sensed something was coming but I wasn't sure what so I said "what is it?", which she replied "just something I've been thinking in my mind". The next day on friday, she messaged me saying she got a horrible stomach bug and vomitted 6 times. I then offered to drive down to see her for a bit but she rejected, said she didn't want me to catch the bug, and her mother would give her a hard time if I drive 3 hours return just to see her a bit. I didn't want to keep argue so I said ok, get some rest. and she replied "I'm going to try and get a nap, ok sweetie?", and we didn't talk for the rest of the day. Woke up on saturday, still in bed and saw this Facebook msg on my phone, "is it ok if I come up today?" I knew something was not right so I replied "do you love me?". in which she said "I love you. but I'm not in love with you anymore. are you sure you want to do this on here? you need to know why." I just woke up, I wasn't thinking straight so I just called her. I asked her what happened. she just kept saying sorry while crying, saying everything is happening so quick and she doesn't feel right. she asked if I would like to talk in person. but then the options would just be either her father drive her up to see me, or me driving down to her place. Again since I just got up and wasn't thinking straight, I told her its ok, nothing would change anyway. we exchanged a few more words and hung up. We went back onto messages, I asked if there's anything that could be done to help which she said no, sorry. I then said I respect your decision, and asked "how could love just stop like that?", she replied saying "I wish I knew". Then NC for two days, on Monday I messaged her asking how she is, she said shes ok and asked for my address so she could post me some stuff. I asked her what it is, sure it can wait? which she replied saying its a letter. I then told her I would rather see her in person, I can read the letter then and talk to her. She said she would check her calendar and get back to me. The next day when I woke up I realised that was a trap, shes so going to take her time to get back to me. so I just messaged her asked if she had a chance to check her schedule, back and forth and few messages we agreed to meet up on thursday night at her place. The night when we met I explained why I wanted to meet up, she gave me the letter she wrote. said I'm perfect in every way, her dream, but she doesn't feel right. as if I'm the law of physics, constant and stable, while she is the quantum mechanics, you can't tell when she's going to emit radioactive particles. Her depression and anxiety crumbled her thoughts, and one morning when she woke up she felt this bug inside her, she couldnt lie to herself, and especially me. She didn't want to drag it on and just had to break it to me and let it go. The letter was pretty clear so I didnt stay long, chatted a bit and I left. When I got home I message her just to tell her I got home safe. she then messaged me saying I'm the most amazing person she ever met, if she could press a button and be the person I need her to be she would. it was a privilege to be with me and she admire me. and said for the record, her parents were disapointted and upset that things didnt work out for us. in which i just simply replied saying just let me know if they want to see me and I can come down to see them. she replied "of course!" and thats the last ever message. Since end of January until now, its coming up to 4 weeks NC and im feeling ok really. like I said reading the posts here helped me a lot. I've not check her Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. But I'm not gonna lie, I want her back. I dont need her, but I want her. I know this is "wrong" in some way, especially from other people's point of few. Thats why I've not spoke to her since I last saw her. She messaged me on Facebook a week after we met, and then a few days before Valentines day, just "hey" and "hey how are you doing?", which I ignored. But today, she switched to whatsapp (clever lol), sent me a picture which I dont know what it is yet (too 'scared' to open the app), and a message saying "happy new year + my middle name + x" (I'm chinese). So I'm just wondering what she's thinking? Like I said I would like her back, but I've not done or said anything yet. Nearly 4 weeks NC then she just sent me this message with my middle name, before this message she would just call my first name, mixed signals? or am I just thinking too much? I know this is a long post, thank you for reading and I hope you guys can give me some advice! Or if you need any more details, let me know.
quattrob Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Read your whole story and I have to say she is going through a phase when you are a young girl. It is true in her mind that you are the kind of guy she would want to settle and get married to. However the problem is she wants to experience more before realizing this. It is sad that she has to do this in order for her to realize it. But this happens to alot of young people with little to no experience and ones that just cant commit/settle. You did a good job and played it cool. She probably messaged you happy new year with your middle name because its chinese new year and your middle name is chinese so it makes sense. Please dont try to wonder what shes thinking or her intentions. I can assure you its not to get back with you, if she does, she will make it pretty obvious trust me. 3
Author lumberjac Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 thanks quattrob. Thats what I thought after spending a month reading the posts here haha. Guess its just the part of me that wants to get back with her. oh well
quattrob Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 It's ok lumberjac, we all have that feeling lingering inside us. We just need to accept that it is out of our hands when it comes down to it. It is up to them, the person who decided to not be with us to act, not us. Just remember that when you have that lingering feeling of wanting an ex back. Anyways I don't want to give you false hope but I believe if you were great to her (which it seems like you were, even she acknowledged it), they will show up in your life again. You'll find someone better TC, you don't need to worry about that. 1
Author lumberjac Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 yeh I do hope we will get back again one day. Whether together as a couple or just friends, cause she is one great girl. Thats why I was disapointted when we broke up. Plus we ended in good terms so who knows what will happen ha. If anyone on here has a similar case to me, just think of it as an experience. And I'm sure you would rather this to have happened, than being single the whole time. Ups and downs in life is essential to us humans.
Shetland Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Hey man, I went through something similar with my gf. I was with her for almost a year and she just left me without any fight for us. She used to tell me I was the one, and brought up marriage and our future a lot. Then one day, she broke up with me outta nowhere. A lot of talk about wanting to be single, and having some quarter-life crisis. I haven't spoke to her since. I think its real nice your ex gave you a letter and took time check up on you. It shows that it really has nothing to do with you. Sometimes though, those are the hardest to deal with because there's nothing we can really do. It sucks man, but we can get through it together. It's a low point in our lives, but history will tell that all the greats have gone through tremendous setbacks before their success. Know that every second we deal with the pain now, it's making our future challenges easier to overcome.
palmer14 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Really similar thing happened to my ex a month ago, but it was more over time than all right at once. It really does suck, but just go away from it knowing that you were as good as you could be to her, and she will remember that.
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