leechinater Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, my first time posting here, im actually on my break from work right now and came home just so i could write this So anyways me and a girl who work together started hanging out during the past june month after she broke up with her ex. Things were amazing between us and i felt a connection like i had never felt (im 21 she is 20). She wanted to take things very slow which was fine with me because i wanted to make it last between us. She did everything for me and bought me things and took me out when i wasnt financially available ( im a student relying on a student loan). So things were smooth besides sometimes i would drink and we would get into a stupid argument which was always my fault and the fact i smoked weed really bothered her because she is in the military and they cant be around things like that, but i didnt quit. Anyways in september we decided it was time to make things official and actually become bf and gf. The past november for my birthday we went out with some friends of mine to a restaurant and had some drinks and went out to a bar then ended back at my place. She tells me that she loves me for the first time and that she has never felt like this towards someone ever. I stupidly tell her that i do not feel the same way and that i want to continue being with her and she "seemed ok" with it. So then two days later she hits me with "we have to talk." She tells me she wants to break up because she just doesnt want to be in a relationship right now and i know this isnt the truth but i immaturely say fine and pretended i was okay with it and immediately stopped talking to her for about a week. I ask her to meet up and we do and i ask her to get back together but she hesitantly says no. Anyways i become a total mess and eventually i tell her about a girl i had been texting while we were going out because i figured this may be the reason she broke up with me and that if i told her this myself she would forgive me(so dumb). Long story short she absolutely flips and tells me she never wants to talk to me etc.. I apologize over and over for a few days saying how it was because she would text other guys that were her friends constantly even when we were hanging out and it drove me mental an texting another girl made me feel better about it (which is absolutely true). She then tells me why she really broke up with me which was because i took her for granted and i didnt go out much and all i wanted to do was drink and sit home and watch movies with her. Anyways i decide to cut contact for a bit. A couple of weeks later i go on her facebook and see that she is in a relationship with this other dude just 23 days after we split up and this killed me. It was a guy she was texting that she had met through her gay best friend who was also in the military. She had only met this dude a month ago and i know for a fact that while we were going out she wasnt flirting with him just purely talking, because 90% of her friends are dudes because she hates most women ( cant blame her). She is going really quickly with this guy because i know her better than anyone that she wouldnt rush into a relationship like that without properly getting to know the person first. The first very day they went out she posted picutres of her and him kissing being super happy being with each other and when we went out we only started sharing pictures of us kissing and stuff like months into our relationship. On new years she made a status stating how happy she was to leave the year in the past then a week later made another status saying how she is "finally" feeling good about herself and ready to grab life by the horns or some ****. I seen this and thought "shouldnt you already be completely over me and happy if you already got in a relationship with another dude?" but thats just me. I feel like this is all an attempt to make me jealous but i cant be for sure. Anyways i think i may have pushed her into getting into a new relationship by all the **** i did after we broke up. Since we have split i have decided to work on myself by doing better in school, not drinking as much, spending my money wisely so i always have money in my bank, and completely stopped smoking weed. I also joined a martial art and starting working out and got a new wardrobe and not to be cocky but i think i look really good. I know she still has feelings for me because whenever we talk in person she brings up good times we had together when we were together and when i unexpectedly see her, her face blushes red and she looks weak and is always eager to talk to me. Anyways im still really shook up about this whole thing and i wanna show her that im a changed person and that she will never find someone to have more fun with than me. We have our first shift together tomorrow at work since the break up and it will essentially be just me and her there for a solid six hours. I truly have changed and i feel like a much better person and better boyfriend material. I do truly love this girl, so , any thoughts on the matter? Edited February 19, 2015 by leechinater
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Sounds like you're not over her. And it sounds like her plan of making you jealous is working. Just delete her from your facebook and let her go from your life. The less you see/hear about her the less it will hurt you.
Author leechinater Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 You're tight I'm not over her, I still love her and I'd do anything to get her back. I dont want it to be finished between us and I know there is still something there. She is a really special girl and I'm not just saying that
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Anyways i think i may have pushed her into getting into a new relationship by all the **** i did after we broke up. I know she still has feelings for me because whenever we talk in person she brings up good times we had together when we were together and when i unexpectedly see her, her face blushes red and she looks weak and is always eager to talk to me. Anyways im still really shook up about this whole thing and i wanna show her that im a changed person and that she will never find someone to have more fun with than me. any thoughts on the matter? Yeah I got a heap of thoughts. Brace yourself though because I know it's not what you want to hear. - You didn't know her as well as you thought. - You didn't cause her to rush into a relationship, you're not that important to her. She rushed into that relationship because she felt it more with him than you. She was probably thinking about a relationship with him while she was with you, especially in the moments when she was feeling dissatisfaction with you. - It's great you're turning your life around. Keep doing that, but do it for yourself, not for her. - Your desire to have her back isn't because you really want her, it's because you want to win. Once you win her, you will lose interest. I can guarantee that. 1
preraph Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 She was done with you already and then the confession made her have absolutely no regrets and she was done with you for all purposes. And she's 20 and 20 year olds can go out and find new boyfriends at the drop of a hat, and she did. She's not trying to make you jealous. She's not thinking about you. She's done. Move on.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 OP, sorry to hear about your situation. I've been there where I still had feelings for someone and they had none towards me and were ready to move on. It sucks. You can try and win her back, but if she doesn't feel the same way you may be wasting your time. I stand by what I said earlier - Delete her from facebook and cut all contact. It will help you recover from a ****ty situation.
Author leechinater Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 I appreciate all of the feedback guys and I know my chances to win her back are slim to none. But I know she wasn't fully over me when she broke up with me or even starting going out with this new guy. She would still bring up the situation when we talked and before I told her the stupid confession she was even thinking about getting back together with me. The fact that she wanted to take things slowly with me wasn't because she never really had strong feelings, it's because she wanted it to work. No girl is going to get into a relationship 3 weeks after ending a previous one based on feelings they developed over time. She may think she has but she's blinded by the heartbreak I gave to her. I know maybe I'm just trying to find all the positives in the situation to make myself feel better but this is just what I believe. I still want to try and eventually win her back regardless of my chances. And i don't want to delete from everything because it just looks immature and we still have to work together which will make it awkward
toscaroscura Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Sorry but you did this to yourself, and I don't feel bad for you. She doted on you and told you she loved you. You didn't return the feelings. You, by your own admission, played stupid games with her and her emotions and frankly treated her pretty badly. And now you only seem to want her because of this other guy. You don't get to decide when she's ready to move on. And honestly, 23 days doesn't sound too fast at that age. That's almost a month, and if this other guy is showing her the love and devotion she had craved from you, I don't blame her. Take this life lesson away from this: if you love or like someone, act like it, and let them know your feelings. Don't play dumb games to look cool, or whatever. 1
Author leechinater Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 You know you're probably right. I did want her back a week after we broke up not even the new bf had nothing too with it. But yeah I agree, tomorrow after our shift at work tomorrow I'm going to tell her that I can't talk to her at all anymore and that I'll be removing her from Facebook and snapchat so I can avoid the constant reminders of her. Is this immature?
toscaroscura Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 You know you're probably right. I did want her back a week after we broke up not even the new bf had nothing too with it. But yeah I agree, tomorrow after our shift at work tomorrow I'm going to tell her that I can't talk to her at all anymore and that I'll be removing her from Facebook and snapchat so I can avoid the constant reminders of her. Is this immature? If you're going No Contact, just do it. No need to "tell her". That's only going to invite drama and IS immature. By telling her, you're basically saying "look what you made me do!! Convince me NOT to" etc. The concept of No Contact/blocking/etc is for YOU, and your healing. It's not designed to be a "take that" to the other party. 1
toscaroscura Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Huh?what do u mean Was this directed at me or the troll? Because dude that's just a troll, report and ignore.
Omei Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Go no contact But dont tell her about it as if its a plan to see her reaction esp at work don't bring your relationship drama to work, never not even if they work there too. Go no contact for you 1
6Pack Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 This actually sounds like a rebound to me. Although some people can get over relationships quickly, they dont usually do so THAT quickly....as long as they really loved the person who dumped them. If I were you, I would not go "No Contact" just yet. Use the same tactic she is using...use Facebook as a tool to show how you have updated your life, updated your wardrobe, living a great life. I guarantee she is still checking your page. You have to do this in a way that shows that you are a changed person and that you are now a better guy than you were before. You have to send subtle hints about it. If from there, she stays with that guy or whatever, then yes let go and move on.
PogoStick Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Your relationship sounds horrible. Why go back? Your story is 100% typical of young, stupid love. You don't know her half as well as you think. She's young, attractive, has options, and she's going to use them. End it. Walk away and never take her back. But you're foolish and you'll try some grand plan to get her back. Like I said, 100% typical. Even worse if she does come back because then you'll do all this crap again.
bubbaganoosh Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Well first of all, she poured her heart out to you and told you she loved you and you handled that like someone with no tact. What I don't understand is if she takes you out and buys you things because your so strapped for money living on student loan, you seem to have money for booze and weed. Now your pissed that she's with someone new. Sorry 'bout that pal but you blew it and now it's too late. Maybe instead of buying that case of beer or bag of weed, you could have had the money to take her out. Don't know what you major is but your minor should be a course on growing up. 1
Author leechinater Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 My relationship was actually very good with her, we spent most of every day together and only when i drank we would have problems. She treated me very well and would do anything to make me happy. I was just a bit of an ego maniac at the time and would try to be an alpha male every chance i could get because in past relationships i would let girls walk all over me and treat me like crap and i would actually put up with it. I was just scared of making the same mistake, but now i know exactly where i went wrong and i want to make it up to her.
Author leechinater Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I would take her out when i could and when i went out drinking she was usually there. But yes it was very immature of me to do so thats why ive learned so much from the breakup. I have a pretty stacked bank account right now from not spending it so stupidly.
bubbaganoosh Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I would take her out when i could and when i went out drinking she was usually there. But yes it was very immature of me to do so thats why ive learned so much from the breakup. I have a pretty stacked bank account right now from not spending it so stupidly. Well friend, there's that old saying that we live and we learn. At least you realize your mistakes so that counts for something. Maybe you can or can't get her back and if it happens that you get a no from her then just don't make the same mistake twice and your biggest mistake is letting your booze do the talking. Most of the time it gets you in trouble so try not to over do it.
mightycpa Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 OK, my friend. This girl is done with you. Now I'll explain why: She's young and her brain chemicals that create feelings of love started secreting, and she turned that attention to you. No doubt she cultivated these feelings a little before she told you. Not a lot, but a little. The brain chemical levels were still on the rise. She was poised to begin her first great love affair with you. You blew her off, but her brain was still ready. This ready brain started looking around, and she met this other guy, and this is established science, her feelings simply transferred to him. Now he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and you are yesterday's toast. Literally. Now for the good news. Remember I said FIRST great love affair? It had nothing to do with you. She was just ready to fall in love. This also means there will be a second and probably a third. Maybe even more. Eventually, you would have found yourself in the same place, shipwrecked on the rocky shores of lost hope. Next time, when opportunity knocks, answer the door properly.
PogoStick Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 My relationship was actually very good with her, we spent most of every day together and only when i drank we would have problems. She treated me very well and would do anything to make me happy. I was just a bit of an ego maniac at the time and would try to be an alpha male every chance i could get because in past relationships i would let girls walk all over me and treat me like crap and i would actually put up with it. I was just scared of making the same mistake, but now i know exactly where i went wrong and i want to make it up to her. If I could have put a hidden spoiler alert in my first response it would have been that you'd respond how good your relationship was. Ok go win her back. Just make us a deal that you will tell us everything that happens.
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