dragonfire13 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I seem to have developed a dating pattern over the years: meet a guy that I click with, they express an interest in dating, they never follow through (or they follow through but expect me to meet up last minute) but continue to contact me sporadically... when this goes on for months, frustrated I cut the situation off. I thought that perhaps I was just attracting the wrong types of guys, so thought I'd give online dating a go...and now Im experiencing the exact same thing. It keeps happening and now I'm at a loss what to do. I tend to cut these guys off because I feel like they're more interested in having a e-relationship, or want me to organise everything. When I confront them about it...well, predictably it scares them off lol. The interest is always initiated by these guys who ask me out, then they flake. The contact is usually initiated by them too, albeit inconsistently, and then after a few messages its like they lose interest in the convo, and sometimes my texts get ignored (I get it, some people arent phone people, and trust me, I don't like lengthy text convos either, but there's no need to be rude!) All that makes me feel like Im being played, and frankly I find annoying. Is it something I need to get over and to be a bit more relaxed/patient about? I do feel like, on principle, I'm doing the right thing. However, now I'm spending nights in at home when I could have potentially been on a date lol
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Are you dating the most attractive guys on the site? They might be just looking for casual dating, and they're juggling several girls at once. Try a guy who is a step down on the looks scale from what you're used to (who you still find attractive), and I guarantee they'll probably be a lot more committed to spending time with you. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Finding the right one is a numbers game. Unfortunately in the beginning you have to put up with some of this because you don't know who is a flake & who isn't. I have a short tolerance level but it also takes me a while to care so I was like if he calls great & if he doesn't that's OK. Sure I have been disappointed when they don't call but if they were flakey & I felt like 2nd best I declined the date & told them it wasn't working for me. While I would accept last minute dates if I could more often then not I already had plans. Most men figured out rather quickly that if they wanted to date me, advanced planning was required. 2
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) I do feel like, on principle, I'm doing the right thing. However, now I'm spending nights in at home when I could have potentially been on a date lol Give up OLD, it's a notorious time waste. Full of people who are window shopping. They over analyse whatever msg you are sending them, nitpicking looking for things to find wrong. and if they don't find it the first time they'll show your msgs to a friend who will always find some big red flag in it. OLD is an illusion....meet lots of people....which causes the people there to endlessly search and fall to commit to a date with any of them. Go back to meeting people in person, exchanging numbers and taking it from there. At least face to face you can gauge their real interest in the moment. If they flake move on. It's frustrating yes, but we all go through it. I always have a very short first date (15-30min coffee and a chat), enough to give them what they need to know...are they interested in knowing more or not, but not so long that we get bored. If they follow up after that then a longer date is planned. Edited February 19, 2015 by Buddhist 1
Author dragonfire13 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Are you dating the most attractive guys on the site? They might be just looking for casual dating, and they're juggling several girls at once. Try a guy who is a step down on the looks scale from what you're used to (who you still find attractive), and I guarantee they'll probably be a lot more committed to spending time with you. Yeah, with OLD I do go for average looking guys. Of course, due to the volatile nature of OLD I wouldn't blame people for talking to a few people at once, at least in the early stages, so don't expect major interest/commitment from a stranger Ive yet to meet. What bugs me is it's the guys who initiate plans to meet up (both guys Ive chatted to online or guys I actually know and have met through friends or somethhing), and they never follow through. Then they try to spark up a conversation again, say a week later. That's usually when I cut them off...Im wondering if perhaps I should just entertain it and see what happens.
Author dragonfire13 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Give up OLD, it's a notorious time waste. Full of people who are window shopping. They over analyse whatever msg you are sending them, nitpicking looking for things to find wrong. and if they don't find it the first time they'll show your msgs to a friend who will always find some big red flag in it. OLD is an illusion....meet lots of people....which causes the people there to endlessly search and fall to commit to a date with any of them. Go back to meeting people in person, exchanging numbers and taking it from there. At least face to face you can gauge their real interest in the moment. If they flake move on. It's frustrating yes, but we all go through it. I always have a very short first date (15-30min coffee and a chat), enough to give them what they need to know...are they interested in knowing more or not, but not so long that we get bored. If they follow up after that then a longer date is planned. Yeah, its always a short coffee date suggested with online dating, which Im perfectly happy with. Short, sweet and simple. You are defo right about the whole plenty of options thing, it is making people less motivated to commit to a date.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Sounds like you're going about things right - maybe you're just having bad luck? I'm a guy so I can't speak for your side, but I haven't been flaked on yet. I'd say I'm pretty average looking though, and I try avoid the most attractive women on OLD since we usually meet and then I find out they have unrealistic expectations for me. In my experience the average looking people are a lot more respectful and seem more genuinely interested in their messages with me. 3
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