Robert Z Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Time and time again women [maybe some men but I don't pay attention to them as much ] talk about choosing a potential mate as if they were buying a car. It is as if they have a checklist and anyone who makes it through the list might be considered for a relationship. But if they stray for a moment, one slip, one bad joke, one statement that isn't clear or a circumstance not desired, and they are toast. What I find most interesting about this is that things like attraction, chemistry, and love, are never mentioned. Do people really expect to fall in love with someone just because they pass a check list? When I met my sugar baby, she was an escort. And I fell madly, passionately in love with her on sight. And I grew to love her more every time we spent time together. My ex wife, on the other hand, was accomplished, mainstream, proper, and a very logical choice as a wife. I didn't marry her for logical reasons but that was always in the background. What I know now is that not for a moment did I love her as I do my sb. There is no comparison. And the marriage ended in disaster. But even after a long, bitter marriage that left me suicidal, I would marry my sb in an instant. I am quite sure she wouldn't pass a checklist in most people's book... being an escort and all. But that would be their loss. She is ten times the woman my wife ever was. So I read about all of these women who are choosing men based on their report card rather than love and attraction. And I keep thinking, good luck! I just hope you don't ruin a man's life the way my marriage ruined me. I think you are setting yourselves up for disaster. Love is never logical.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Don't compare your sugarbaby to regular women. She is an Escort, and it is her job to pretend to like you. It's totally not the same game.
Author Robert Z Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) Don't compare your sugarbaby to regular women. She is an Escort, and it is her job to pretend to like you. It's totally not the same game. I know the game far better than you I'm sure. You can't fake what she has. After three years I was more in love with her than ever. I had hoped that maybe she would eventually fall in love back but it isn't going to happen. So I have tried to bury those feelings and just enjoy the time that we have. But we are good friends and it is a wonderful relationship. Edited February 19, 2015 by Robert Z
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) I know the game far better than you I'm sure. You can't fake what she has. Ok - I've not been married but I have fallen in love before. You pay an Escort/Stripper for their attention. Its their job to find out what turns you on and keeps the money coming. Yes - a SugarBaby arrangement is slightly different since it's probably a bit more personal (she might actually give you her real name), but there is still money involved. What makes you think she'd stick around if you stopped giving her money? I'm sure it was a great fantasy that you had. Just remember it was a business transaction (more or less) and not a traditional relationship. I'm not disputing that you two didn't genuinely enjoy each other's company - but I'm sure there were certain aspects that were forced on her part. Edited February 19, 2015 by barcode88 2
Author Robert Z Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) Ok - I've not been married but I have fallen in love before. You pay an Escort/Stripper for their attention. Its their job to find out what turns you on and keeps the money coming. Yes - a SugarBaby arrangement is slightly different since it's probably a bit more personal (she might actually give you her real name), but there is still money involved. What makes you think she'd stick around if you stopped giving her money? Firstly, she stopped escorting, moved with me, and has been my sugar baby ever since. I have also told the story in great detail. So rather than derail the thread, read here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/495569-venting-love Look, this isn't about escorts. This is about my feeling for her, as opposed to the woman I thought I loved, and women picking a mate like you would a new toilet. I was engaged twice and married once. And as it turns out, I had never known true love. Edited February 19, 2015 by Robert Z
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Firstly, she stopped escorting, moved with me, and has been my sugar baby ever since. I have also told the story in great detail. So rather than derail the thread, read here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/495569-venting-love Look, this isn't about escorts. This is about my feeling for her, as opposed to the woman I thought I loved, and women picking a mate like you would a new toilet. A sugar baby is essentially the same thing as an escort. You're giving her money for her to be with you (do things together, have sex, etc.) she just isn't seeing other guys. It's not healthy for you to develop attachment to someone that you're paying to be with you.
Author Robert Z Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 A sugar baby is essentially the same thing as an escort. You're giving her money for her to be with you (do things together, have sex, etc.) she just isn't seeing other guys. It's not healthy for you to develop attachment to someone that you're paying to be with you. Have you ever had a sugar baby or are you arguing out of ignorance? I understand this relationship far better than you so let it go.
preraph Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Sugarbabies are PAID to act like they're the perfect woman. Surely you can't be naive enough to think otherwise. 8
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So I read about all of these women who are choosing men based on their report card rather than love and attraction. And I keep thinking, good luck! I just hope you don't ruin a man's life the way my marriage ruined me. I think you are setting yourselves up for disaster. Love is never logical. And why is this piece of advice directed at women particularly? Especially when you admit, you did the same thing yourself? 2
clevelander321 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Firstly, she stopped escorting, moved with me, and has been my sugar baby ever since. I have also told the story in great detail. So rather than derail the thread, read here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/off-topic/personal-rants-confessions/495569-venting-love Look, this isn't about escorts. This is about my feeling for her, as opposed to the woman I thought I loved, and women picking a mate like you would a new toilet. I was engaged twice and married once. And as it turns out, I had never known true love. I fully understand what you are saying.. As an example, my ex wife ticked all the boxes of who would be a perfect wife.. She ended up cheating and leaving me.. However she was a good mom, didnt drink, didnt smoke, proper, good upbringing etc. Since her, and before her, I have dated others with whom I have a much more intense feeling of "love". They would not be "marriage material" on my list. usually bad habits, a bit crazy etc. However, what I am starting to realize is that certain people will mesh with us depending on our personality, or their personality. And this is also not always good for a LTR. An example might be that you are a people pleaser, and your new girl is a bit bpd.. Or any othjer variation. What I am saying is that often times others who are not good for us either DO bring out intense feelings of love and infatuation. Would those feelings disappear or change if you entered a marriage? most likely. 1
Author Robert Z Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Sugarbabies are PAID to act like they're the perfect woman. Surely you can't be naive enough to think otherwise. What do you know about her? Tell me all about it. I know the game. I've been at this for three years. Read the thread. It is all in there. As I said, you can't fake what she has.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Have you ever had a sugar baby or are you arguing out of ignorance? I understand this relationship far better than you so let it go. Sorry bud, you came here to share with us, so I can say my piece if I want. You may think you understand your "relationship", but you come off as a bit detached from reality. Paying a girl to have an arrangement together where you spend time together (and have sex) is NOT a relationship! If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be taking your money from you. Yes - I'm sure you enjoy your little fantasy. But that's all it is - A FANTASY!
central Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 For me, it's both love AND logic. If the feelings aren't there, there's no point in moving forward. However, if the feelings are there, then logic must be applied to ensure that I'm not making bad decisions or choosing someone incompatible. Logic can - and must - override feelings when necessary. 5
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 For me, it's both love AND logic. If the feelings aren't there, there's no point in moving forward. However, if the feelings are there, then logic must be applied to ensure that I'm not making bad decisions or choosing someone incompatible. Logic can - and must - override feelings when necessary. Yeah... Like if you have love for each other but you want kids and she doesn't - that is illogical. Love doesn't automatically override Logic. You still need to be together for the RIGHT reasons.
Author Robert Z Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Yeah... Like if you have love for each other but you want kids and she doesn't - that is illogical. So you should go off and have kids with someone you love less? What if she is the true love of your life?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So you should go off and have kids with someone you love less? What if she is the true love of your life? If she's the true love of my life and she doesn't want kids, then I have to give up an important part of what I want. Yes - Love is about sacrifices sometimes, but there are a few things that are super important to each and every one of us (Dealbreakers if you will). 1
clevelander321 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So you should go off and have kids with someone you love less? What if she is the true love of your life? Often times intense love occurs with a certain person because of a messed up relationship we had with a parent. By you telling me you are in love with an escort tells me a couple of things.. She most likely had a dysfunctional childhood, and in some ways you did too. If you let "love" guide major life decisions you will be in for a world of hurt. you would have to be married to this woman for a few years, then get back to us if love has pulled both of you through.
autumnnight Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Time and time again women [maybe some men but I don't pay attention to them as much ] talk about choosing a potential mate as if they were buying a car. It is as if they have a checklist and anyone who makes it through the list might be considered for a relationship. But if they stray for a moment, one slip, one bad joke, one statement that isn't clear or a circumstance not desired, and they are toast. What I find most interesting about this is that things like attraction, chemistry, and love, are never mentioned. Do people really expect to fall in love with someone just because they pass a check list? Since THIS was the actual question, I'm going to answer it. I used to be all about the love part. I am a hopeless romantic who is touch oriented, loves to write poetry, and still reads Jane Austen lol. I learned that giving undue weight to the chemistry and love part often made me wide open to hurts that were not necessary. I hold off on letting emotion overtake me - ESPECIALLY if there is an instant attraction - until I know enough about him to at least make an educated hypothesis that he is not a cad. And that he IS actually interested in me. But no, I do not do the mathematical grocery list thing. It makes me sad to think of a romantic relationship in terms of an equation. As far as escorts go, I have no idea what is and isn't or could or could not be real. Because I would bet that all escorts are human beings who could, in the right circumstances, actually fall in love with a client. Or they could be really good actors. And it really isn't any of my business.
Author Robert Z Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 I will have to return to this later. I have a hot date tonight and need to start getting ready. Woohoo!!! Another night with the girl of my dreams. After three years she still makes my palms sweat and my heart race.
xxoo Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 When I met my husband, love (and lust) came first, and logic came a distant second.....but it did factor in when we started to get serious. I was young, so 'getting serious' wasn't an expected development. When at the stage of looking for a long term partner, love and logic need to be balanced. Logic has to be a factor in the early stages to avoid ending up in a world of hurt. It's taking good care of yourself. There is, however, no point without love. I like to think of it as only marrying someone you can't live without, but make sure you an also live with them. 5
BlueIris Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 For me, it's both love AND logic. If the feelings aren't there, there's no point in moving forward. However, if the feelings are there, then logic must be applied to ensure that I'm not making bad decisions or choosing someone incompatible. Logic can - and must - override feelings when necessary. This is the way I see it too. If you want a lifetime relationship, you want much more than lust or infatuation. You want a partner and usually that means wanting a partner with good character and an attractive personality that you're compatible with. That is much more difficult to find than a hottie who turns you on, in my experience- and far more precious and lasting. In those cases, love grows. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I will have to return to this later. I have a hot date tonight and need to start getting ready. Woohoo!!! Another night with the girl of my dreams. After three years she still makes my palms sweat and my heart race. http://mikezentz.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/red-pill-or-blue-pill.jpg Have fun!! Remember to take your daily blue pill
regine_phalange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Trust. I speak as a woman, but I've noticed that feeling total trust for a man is very close to feeling in love. It gives me butterflies when I know I can trust someone 100%. Plus a natural liking, his mere presence making me feel good without him having to say a word. I feel like this around my dentist every time. 1
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) So I just went and had a read of the thread the OP put up about his relationship. Because, you know, if you are going to hold your relationship up as a model to follow then I want to know what it is I am following. Not sure I'd be willing to have that kind of relationship to be honest. Glad it works for you but it reads like a infatuation. Sorry it just does and it doesn't sound like love it sounds like someone stuck firmly in the middle of an illusion. Why do I say this? Because I've been there. I had a relationship where it was love at first sight, truly. I only saw him from a distance and I was already in 'love'. Of course common sense tells you, that isn't love. But anyway the connection was intense and I never lost that feeling of infatuation with him. Everyday I got out a bed and looked down at his face and felt an intense rush of happiness for where I was and what I had. But you know what? It was also the most vacant, disconnected and superficial relationship I ever had. Neither of us were in love with the other, we were in love with our fantasies of each other and we resisted getting to know the real people underneath because the illusion was too good. Well the real people did emerge in time, quicker than yours, but not by much. I only realised the superficiality and fakeness of it all once I was out of it. And when the real us met each other, we did not like what we saw. That was the most painful part of it all. That all along, we just weren't compatible and the whole thing was a sham. None of it was real, in the sense that it would last through us being authentic with each other. It was a chemical attraction like no other, and I doubt I will experience it again. But, it was an illusion and to be honest I never want to be that blinded by hormones again that I fail to notice who it is I am in a relationship with. I don't trust chemicals and emotional highs to be honest. It disengages cognitive processes that would make you know better. It's nice when it happens but I want my feet planted firmly on the ground when I'm making life changing decisions, I want my eyes seeing clearly and my decisions to be made with intelligence. To be honest Robert I think you are advocating this follow your heart/hormone rush only because you had a poor experience of making decisions in the past. It's kind of like you're saying....well my intelligence and logic failed me, so I'll just throw it out with the bath water. I'm glad you are happy with your arrangement, but I know I wasn't happy in my overly lovestruck relationship. And mine didn't even have the complications that your does. Edited February 19, 2015 by Buddhist 2
preraph Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Sorry bud, you came here to share with us, so I can say my piece if I want. You may think you understand your "relationship", but you come off as a bit detached from reality. Paying a girl to have an arrangement together where you spend time together (and have sex) is NOT a relationship! If she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be taking your money from you. Yes - I'm sure you enjoy your little fantasy. But that's all it is - A FANTASY! You're PAYING her to fake it. I can't believe you're buying into that. If you weren't paying her, you wouldn't be calling her your Sugarbaby! Try stopping all financial expenditures and see how long she sticks around. 2
Recommended Posts