mr_dave Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I've periodically trawled through profiles on OK Cupid and POF this past year, seeing if anybody caught my eye enough for me to set up a profile and message them. My bar isn't set too high, I've been looking for a nice, intelligent girl who is busty (sounds shallow I know, but I find them such a stupendous turn on!) and free of tattoos. Until recently it was a fruitless search, but then I found such a lady. She's pretty but attainable, extremely intelligent and has a lovely figure and shares some of my interests. So I set up a profile, sent her a message, and she replied. Haha, a 100% reply rate, not too shabby! We've messaged back and forth these past few days, and she agreed to a date and gave me her phone number. She's not free until the weekend after this one though, she has plans for this one and has a busy job during the week, which is fair enough. My questions to the ladies are.. what should I do in the meantime? I'll message her in the next week I think to set up the date and perhaps ask her what she's been up to....? I'm not really interested in any of the other ladies having trawled extensively through the profiles within 100Km of me. If you arranged to meet a guy through a dating site, and he didn't log back in for a week or so after doing so, would it put you off at all? She's the only girl I'm interested in for now, - I'm a very traditional, one-girl-at-a-time sort of chap.
PumpkinLumpkin Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Text her on Sunday evening "Did you have a good weekend?" Then text her on Wednesday saying, "Still on for Saturday? Will follow with more detailed plans closer to day." 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Yeah -- I prefer meeting ASAP so things don't cool off too much by the time we meet. 1
Author mr_dave Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 I see she is still logging on daily to the dating site - fair enough, we haven't even met yet. Thing is though, I haven't logged on to it since we agreed to the date and she gave me her number. From a woman's point of view, if you arranged a date with a guy, and then he didn't log on to the site for a week afterwards, just texting you instead, what would you think? If I were on it 24/7 she'd probably think I'm a player, but if I didn't go on it at all...?
rocketman122 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I dont log in after i set up a date till the date and if it continues then ever. I did though notice that every single one i dated goes in and spies on my to see if i did. If youre logging in to look at her and noting that and its something thats bothering u, well, ur a hypocrite because u are doing the same, no? I know the women spy on me because after they piss me off and i throw them i go back and see when they looked at my profile. They also send their gf to spy on me and also got a ton of new profiles with no pics on the same day. Most people are just "looking" and not wanting to find. These are people are the most flaky. People thing something better will come along so they dont want to miss their chance. There is no better and no perfect. Find someone who u connect with, is attractive enough in ur eyes and the least amount of flaWs.
Author mr_dave Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 I dont log in after i set up a date till the date and if it continues then ever. I did though notice that every single one i dated goes in and spies on my to see if i did. If youre logging in to look at her and noting that and its something thats bothering u, well, ur a hypocrite because u are doing the same, no? I know the women spy on me because after they piss me off and i throw them i go back and see when they looked at my profile. They also send their gf to spy on me and also got a ton of new profiles with no pics on the same day. Most people are just "looking" and not wanting to find. These are people are the most flaky. People thing something better will come along so they dont want to miss their chance. There is no better and no perfect. Find someone who u connect with, is attractive enough in ur eyes and the least amount of flaWs. Well I visited the site as a guest, just out of curiosity, to see if she had logged in. She had, but didn't visit my profile, so I presume she was chatting to other guys. I haven't looked at another girl's profile or talked to one since setting up the date. She was the only girl I fancied, so what's the point? I'm happy to have a date. If you google someone's username, you can see their profile and when they were last online. Not that I was stalking or anything!
Dallers Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Well I visited the site as a guest, just out of curiosity, to see if she had logged in. She had, but didn't visit my profile, so I presume she was chatting to other guys. This is bad, real bad. You are already showing signs of being too interested without her even knowing it yet. I would be careful not to put too much into this girl before even a first date, you should always play it by ear and until you are holding hands she is a nobody to you. The signs of creating a separate account to spy on someone are false and show your own insecurities on a plate in front of you. 2
londonlady82 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 With online dating, I continue to chat with several guys at a time even if I've already set up a date with one of them. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. If I meet the date that's been set up, and it goes really well and I really like them, then (perhaps) I'll stop talking to the other guys but until then, I see it that I can chat to as many guys at once if I want to. And if a guy wants to do that, then that's fine too. 1
Author mr_dave Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 With online dating, I continue to chat with several guys at a time even if I've already set up a date with one of them. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. If I meet the date that's been set up, and it goes really well and I really like them, then (perhaps) I'll stop talking to the other guys but until then, I see it that I can chat to as many guys at once if I want to. And if a guy wants to do that, then that's fine too. Sure I understand that, I have no problem with it. What if a guy doesn't do that though, and doesn't use the site once you have set a date up with him? This is bad, real bad. You are already showing signs of being too interested without her even knowing it yet. I would be careful not to put too much into this girl before even a first date, you should always play it by ear and until you are holding hands she is a nobody to you. The signs of creating a separate account to spy on someone are false and show your own insecurities on a plate in front of you. Thanks for your post Dallers! I am pretty interested in meeting her, she was nice to talk to and is someone I find really attractive. How can I put this without sounding too crude... I could trawl through a thousand profiles and maybe find one where I'd think, "I would crawl through a mile of poo to get horizontally acquainted with her." I'm really picky/reclusive and haven't had a date in over a year. I'm looking forward to it, but who knows, she may be horrible in person? She may prefer some of the other guys she's talking to? I'm not desperate, if it doesn't go well, I'll be back where I am now, which is free and single. Not such a bad place to be in.
londonlady82 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Sure I understand that, I have no problem with it. What if a guy doesn't do that though, and doesn't use the site once you have set a date up with him? Well I don't know about that because I've set up a date with him, I don't go out of my way to go back on the site just to check if he's still using it! 1
Author mr_dave Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 Well I don't know about that because I've set up a date with him, I don't go out of my way to go back on the site just to check if he's still using it! Okay, thanks!
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 If a guy I had been messaging with, speaking to on the phone for a week or so and we had set up a meeting day and time for our first date, I wouldn't want to see that he was still logging in daily to the dating site; but then again, I wouldn't know if he was logging in every day because...I WOULDN'T BE CHECKING UP ON HIM. Since we've never even met yet, there are NO expectations of exclusivity! It's HIS business and mine what we do with our time and whether we both (or one of us) still log(s) in to the dating site or not. Now...if AFTER we've met on our first date and things go well and we decide to set up a second (and subsequent) date(s), then I would hope that he'd have the decency and respect to not still be logging in to the dating site daily while he's showing an interest in me. I'm much like the OP in that when I'm interested in a guy and begin dating him - he's the ONLY one I'm interested in; period. I don't like (and am NOT interested in) spreading myself out too thin with regard to looking for someone to meet and date. I like to put all of my energy, attention and interest towards ONE guy at a time! If it turns out that we don't have any chemistry, there's no connection or, there's just something about him that's off or doesn't resonate with what I'm looking for, then I tell him so directly and in a polite and as friendly way as possible because, people have FEELINGS and it's empathetic and nice to consider a person's feelings in any interaction you have with them. After that, THEN I'd log back in to the dating site and move on to the next guy who interests me or shows an interest in me. OP, I think the woman you're about to go on a date with would be impressed that you're not trolling the dating site every single day while awaiting the weekend to go out on your date with her. However, she should NOT be checking up on you to see whether you actually ARE logging in daily or not! It's NONE of her business (yet), because you two haven't even met. Once an interest is established on BOTH sides and you continue to date her, then I could see if she checked up on whether you were still logging in daily or not. And, if you were, that could be a red flag to her or maybe not; it all depends on how she feels about your private logging in habits and how (or if) it could affect your interest in her or her interest in you. Good luck. And let us know how the date goes! .
PogoStick Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Get her number and talk with her on the phone once or twice until you can meet in person. 1
Mangina Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Call her tonight and tell her about your weekend. If you didn't do anything interesting, make something up. In the mean time you should log in and start messaging other girls in case this one does not work out. Online dating has a very low success rate so don't put all your eggs in one basket and don't wait for anything. BTW girls get a lot of messages so she's probably logging in to check them.
oberkeat Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) This is bad, real bad. You are already showing signs of being too interested without her even knowing it yet. I would be careful not to put too much into this girl before even a first date, you should always play it by ear and until you are holding hands she is a nobody to you. The signs of creating a separate account to spy on someone are false and show your own insecurities on a plate in front of you. I agree. Getting this invested in a single person you don't even know yet is setting yourself up for severe disappointment every time. You may meet and find that although you seemed to be a match on paper, there's no chemistry or attraction in person. In fact, it's been that way with most of the dates I've gotten online. Most of the folks i've met online I've found to be really boring people. Frankly, I'm really sick of online dating. It's a terrible way to meet people. It's so awkward and impersonal. You never know who these people are from reading their profile or looking at their photo, and it feels like wasted time when you meet and there's nothing there. I would rather meet someone while I'm out in the world, doing the things I enjoy doing: online dating has really reminded me what's special about that. Edited February 22, 2015 by oberkeat
kendahke Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 until we've had a talk about giving our profiles a rest, they can sign on and talk to whomever they want to talk to while they're talking to me--we have nothing except interest at this point, and interest isn't exclusivity. I'd rather not set myself up by having unrealistic expectations of someone I don't even know. Then again, I'm not trying to date body parts...
Dallers Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Thanks for your post Dallers! I am pretty interested in meeting her, she was nice to talk to and is someone I find really attractive. How can I put this without sounding too crude... I could trawl through a thousand profiles and maybe find one where I'd think, "I would crawl through a mile of poo to get horizontally acquainted with her." I'm really picky/reclusive and haven't had a date in over a year. I'm looking forward to it, but who knows, she may be horrible in person? She may prefer some of the other guys she's talking to? I'm not desperate, if it doesn't go well, I'll be back where I am now, which is free and single. Not such a bad place to be in. The problem is that you are interested in what you are telling yourself is something perfect to you when actually she is probably far from it. You know nothing about her and she could be anybody, with any amount of other guys on the side with any kind of past. As others have said as well you might meet and there be zero passion or attraction. It is in these moments out of desperation we try and create passion with drama and I have been there it is a ticking time bomb. Online Dating is a tool which many misuse and you are doing that by spying on her out of fear that you have to wait to see her and in the time until then she is going to find someone else. These are warning signs of insecurity before anything has even began and by doing this it is to me a red flag because spying is the primary source or jealousy and possession. Personally I think you need to take a step back and focus on you. A man cannot truly be himself or the man a woman wants until he has rid himself of all his fears and left his past behind him. Fix you and you will not need to worry about a girl before meeting her because your confidence will be high and your life on track, maybe use OLD in the meantime for a bit of fun and practise. This girl is still a nobody and Online Dating is normally a breeding ground for people with problems. Tread lightly and keep your options open. Edited February 22, 2015 by Dallers
kart180 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 well I tried online dating, did try okcupid but not good any writing about myself. so I just keep it up
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