kaydotte Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) I'm 20 yrs old and so is my girl friend. So my girl friend and have spent the last 2 years together including my first year in college. During this college year we were long distance (about 5 hours apart) but we made it because we were crazy about each other. about 6 different times during this year she would pay for a bus and come up to see me, one time for only a weekend, then she'd take another 5 hour bus ride back. I got back from college and we spent every second together, sometime's getting on each others nerves but we loved each other unconditionally. I decided im done with college and joined the air force. This wasnt much of a shock to her because she knew I planned to do this eventually. I played division 1 basketball so I'm pretty fit and competition had always been a passion of mine. When joining the air force I was asked to do special forces and I felt like it was right up my alley. It's very hard to get into but I figured if any one could it was me. The difference between special forces and other jobs is most jobs the training is about 4-5 months and special forces is as long as 2 years. This news crushed her. She freaked out when we had a talk about it but eventually she said she would wait as long as she had to for me. I told her I was unsure if I wanted to wait 2 years and we came to the concensus that I would have time to think about it. At this point I had about 5 months before id leave. About a month goes by and within this month I was very distant. I was scared of the pain of leaving her would be and we split up. Another couple weeks go by and I realize I pulled the trigger to fast. We start hanging out more and I planned to talk to her about it on valentines day but she stood me up. She said she was done waiting for me to make up my mind when she was so sure about me no matter what it meant. she tells me she needs space to find out what she wants so it's like the tables have turned. I know I messed up distancing myself and I've been doing everything I can to change her mind and I don't know how to get her back. I leave an 3 months and even street telling her I won't do special forces if that's what it means to keep her she still wants space. She'll see me once maybe twice a week and be very distant texting. She daysshe lovesme andshe'll writeme everyday whileI'm gone but she just wants to do what's best for her and she needs time to think about that, but also space. This has gone on for about 10 days and I've done things like send her flowers or offer dates but she seems scared to open up cus she thinks she'll get hurt again. She's put up a wall. I have no choice but to give her space but if I'm still talking to her it kills me and I am stressed all day. I am considering just cutting off communications, give her time to think and maybe she'll realize she still wants me. I need advice or just tips on how to not be heart broken every day until she either comes around and takes me back or if it ends for good. Edited February 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
marcelo.santos Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 You are not the responsible for what is going on with her. I think you should cut communications with her and leave her alone from now- I dont think your relationship have any chance of surviving this 2 year period - forget her and follow your professional life. I know that it is tough but you have no choice now: give up from your special forces path at this point to try to save this mass would probably be a stupid choice that you would regret until the end of your life. this is it bro... move on and go NC
jus d'orange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I'd definitely not recommend giving up your special forces opportunity over this. You're just 20 and you've only been together two years. Now I don't know your relationship well enough to say if it's worth this level of sacrifice or not, but you need to give her space for a bit of time and then ask her if she wants to work out the issues and talk about the waiting together, or if it's over. At this point, she's feeling uncertain and a two year wait to see you again regularly is not going to put her at ease. I imagine she's going to decide this isn't what she wants and you'll have to respect that if that's her decision. In the meantime, give her some proper space and be proud in doing it, showing your independence and strength. Then, meet up with her and ask calmly and directly if she values what you have and if she's like to work on things. If she still wants to figure things out on her own, well that means it's over, because people can't have relationships on their own. Be prepared for the worst, but this will pass in time. Good luck. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Keep trying to reassure her but you are going to have to give her time to make peace with your decision. Being a military GF/ wife is not for the faint of heart. Go watch American Sniper if you don't believe me. Don't let her see it. It will do more harm then good.
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