Psion Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Hi everyone. It really doesn't feel all that long since I was on here before after I broke up with the girl I was dating for 5 years. She cheated on me twice and left me, it was my first major girlfriend and well I took it about as well as you would expect but I went no contact after about a week or two. Then a month later she flies over from the other side of Europe to "make up" (in truth the guy she cheated on me with wouldn't leave his girlfriend for her). We lasted about 4 months before she left me for someone she meet on holiday that week - or that is as far as I know. I was in hospital at the time with a seriously broken leg (tibial plateau fracture) which was a blessing in disguise really as my main hobby is dancing and well however bad I felt about her leaving again was pretty much completely over-shadowed and I haven't seen or spoken to her since. But about 3 months later I started getting very close with a long term friend who was in the process of leaving her boyfriend as she was unhappy. It wasn't long before we started dating though I was always a bit cautious because I knew that most likely it was just a rebound. However there had always been something more than just a friendship between us in the 6 years I knew her so I thought I would see where it led. Well in the end it lead to her ex staying with her for a week and afterwards she broke up with me saying she wanted to get back together with him. I was hurt, really hurt because I do and did really like her a lot. I blocked her from everything in my life but told her she has my email address though don't expect any replies from me. Anyway it turns out that she didn't get back with her ex and she messaged me claiming as much and saying she is too confused about things right now. So we chatted a bit and I tried to understand what she was saying. Her explanation was basically was she feels like she wants to be with him but at the same time doesn't. That she doesn't know why she loves him as much as she does when she knows and feels that she can't be happy with him and the way he acts and controls her. That she doesn't know why she all of a sudden lost her romantic feelings for me but still loves me and finds me sexually attractive to the point she doesn't want to touch him and that the idea of me being with another woman makes her angry. My problem is I really like the girl as a friend as well though I am not sure I can be friends with her and not hope for something more. I don't want to cut her out my life completely but it's the only way I know to get rid of my feelings for her. I don't really want her back as she is clearly very confused and messed up and I don't want to be some shoulder to cry on while she moves onto another man. I would like to try again with her one day, when she is less flighty perhaps but I see that clearly isn't going to be today. Should I do what I normally do and just walk away into the sunset completely or do people think it is possible to have a friendship while not wanting something? Thanks for reading
jus d'orange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I think trying for a friendship is a bad idea. Friendships need a solid foundation, the same as any other personal relationship. A solid foundation in this case is NOT two people who have mixed romantic feelings for one another and sexual chemistry. I think you should make it clear to her that you respect yourself enough to demand either commitment or space. There are millions of other people out there with whom you could have a good friendship, and while I know you care about her and want the best for her, the best thing you could probably do would be to make this fact clear and give each other space as necessary.
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