pieturli Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) Alright, so I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now. She's hot as all hell, she's got a good sense of humor, we have coinciding interests, she's very sweet and caring, dislikes children even more than I do and she is sharp as a razor. Pretty much the whole time I've been seeing her, I've had these weird on-off feelings towards her. One day I'll feel like I really like her a lot, and I've even blurted out semi-seriously that maybe she should meet my parents. Then, randomly, I'll start to feel like I really don't want to hang out with her and that I might not even like her. There's nothing I can really put my finger on, just this sort of general malaise about the whole thing. This might go on for a while, and then shift back into the "OMG I LIEK U" feelings. She has expressed interest in moving to Spain next fall, but then playfully added that if I sweep her off her feet badly enough, she won't go. I mention that because I wonder if I am somehow subconsciously trying to keep myself from getting too close to her, on account of the number of times I've been forced basically dump people I like (had to move around a lot for the first 16 years of my life). I don't know, it's just a thought. For a little bit while we have been seeing eachother, I also infrequently hung out with another girl, one for whom I originally had the hots for, and no, there was nothing serious going on between me and either girl at that point. Still, I had to make a choice, and I sort of slid into picking this girl without thinking about it. EDIT: Forgot to mention, the negative feelings seem to be magnified after we have sex, and in fact often start immediately after. There's nothing wrong with the sex, mind you. I also don't think its a case of only wanting sex from her, because if that was the case, then why would I enjoy our non-sexy times as much as I do? EDIT 2: God I am slow today. I forgot to add that there have been two occasions where she seemed very distant and she talked to me about how her new business is sucking up so much time she feels like she can't hang out with me. Even though we talked it out and it all got sorted, I felt like absolute **** when I thought about not being able to see her again. Like REALLY crappy. Then, when it got sorted out I felt like a million bucks. Anyways, this is unbelievably frustrating. I usually think I'm pretty straightforward in how I feel about someone, and I've never had a problem like this before. Any thoughts? Experiences? Edited February 19, 2015 by pieturli
DaniG Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 seem to be magnified after we have sex, and in fact often start immediately after That's a biologically-recognized effect in mammals. It's called the Coolidge effect. Basically males lose interest in women after copulation. That will become even stronger with time. My gut feel is you get it magnified because you don't really like her. I mean I've had that feeling when I had sex with f*buddies, etc. Not with girls I really like. I'm not saying break up. But I'm saying reflect on your situation and just make a conscious choice about your future with her, and act accordingly. Pretty brainy, but hope it helps.
Author pieturli Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) That's a biologically-recognized effect in mammals. It's called the Coolidge effect. Basically males lose interest in women after copulation. That will become even stronger with time. My gut feel is you get it magnified because you don't really like her. I mean I've had that feeling when I had sex with f*buddies, etc. Not with girls I really like. I'm not saying break up. But I'm saying reflect on your situation and just make a conscious choice about your future with her, and act accordingly. Pretty brainy, but hope it helps. Thanks, it does. I have heard about this effect before, and I've thought about it a bunch, and it sure does sound like it. The thing that is giving me pause about this however is that I still enjoy spending time with her when I am not horny in the slightest, and we do in fact spend quite a bit of time together without having sex. I've hung out with her pretty much an hour or so after masturbation, and yet I still enjoy the time we spend together. But yeah, it is odd, and it sure does sound a lot like the coolidge effect... Oh yeah, and the other thing that weirds me out is what happened on those two occasions where it kinda seemed to me like we weren't going to be seeing eachother anymore and I felt like crap just thinking about it... Edited February 19, 2015 by pieturli
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 You are letting the fact she is physically hot overshadow the fact as a person you're not that keen on her at all. Let her go and find someone with whom you aren't conflicted. 1
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Oh yeah, and the other thing that weirds me out is what happened on those two occasions where it kinda seemed to me like we weren't going to be seeing eachother anymore and I felt like crap just thinking about it... Kid in candy store. You just like being around someone you perceive as hot.
Author pieturli Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 You are letting the fact she is physically hot overshadow the fact as a person you're not that keen on her at all. Let her go and find someone with whom you aren't conflicted. I don't really think that's a fair assessment. As I said in the OP, there are a number of things I like about her that are non-physical, like her sense of humor, our shared interests and her intelligence. There is nothing about her personality that I dislike, at least anything I can put my finger on.
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