FaultyAppliance Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So, my lesbian ex of two years and I broke up a month ago, when I discovered that she had cheated or had been cheating on me with her Assistant manager at her new job - somebody who is not her type in the slightest but was displaying obvious interest in her (I know this because my ex told me and I know she would have been loving the attention the woman was giving her, as it would have been a massive boost to her ego), and somebody who she insisted was not a threat (might I add). When I found out, she decided to break up with me based on the nature of how I had found out - by snooping through her phone (do not get me wrong - I would have broken up with her, regardless). Apparently, I was more in the wrong for doing that than she was for having cheated (and, believe me, she had given me plenty reason to be suspicious). Now, for about 2 weeks after the breakup we were still in contact. She would still want to talk to me, want me around and want me to come over every odd night BUT she was still seeming to pursue things with the woman she had cheated on me with. I knew this because I would see messages popping up on her phone screen from the woman and I would find cinema tickets and receipts etc laying around (clearly, they were going on frequent dates and she was making a huge effort for this woman - something she had long stopped doing for me). Eventually I could no longer take the jealousy, anxiety and low mood and so cut ties for good. This was two weeks ago, now. My ex has not yet attempted to contact me (to my surprise), which leads me to believe that things are picking up with this woman and she is distracted by that/no longer cares about me. Now, there is something I must explain and it is not just out of jealousy or bitterness: this woman is not my ex's type. My ex has never been somebody to be easily impressed and her type has always been very specific. She is very intelligent - into politics and social sciences, like myself - so she is only usually attracted to people who can offer her intellectual, educational conversation, and has similar interests to her. The woman she cheated on me with and is continuing to pursue is not her type, physically/aesthetically, and is an obvious downgrade from me. When trying to reassure me that the woman was not a threat, she even stated this herself. Also, the woman is foreign and has limited english so there is a huge language barrier between the two of them, so this woman definitely would not be able to offer my ex the kind of conversation that she would want from a partner/potential partner. I must also note that my ex is not used to getting attention from women and spent the majority of her teens and early twenties being brutally rejected by women, so I can only imagine that it is the attention that this woman is giving to her that my ex is attracted to (yes, I may be trying to reassure myself slightly, but I am also trying to be logical). My question is this: Is she using this girl as a "Rebound'? Does it even count as a "Rebound" if the person she is "rebounding" with was present to the situation before the break up, and was the very person to cause the break up? Does it seem like she is genuinely interested in this woman? What are your opinions?
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Look, what difference does it make? She is your EX. You need to concentrate on YOU, not on her. Why would you even speak to someone who had cheated on you? Who gives 2 short ships if she is using her as a rebound or not? How does it affect YOUR life? You need to cut this person out of your life. Obsessing about your ex's relationships is a sure fire way to drive yourself crazy.
FancyFace Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 It does not matter who this new woman is, or what the true nature of the relationship is. What matters is that the person you were with betrayed you, engaged in another relationship whilst she was with you, and broke your trust. Whether the new woman is a supermodel with a PHD or a frog from the pond in the garden, it matters not one bit. Whether this woman is a rebound or the new love of your ex's life, it doesnt matter, because your ex made the decision to break the bonds of your relationship and pursue "greener" pastures. It is natural to wonder what the new person has that you dont or what your partner could possibly see in the other person that you may be "lacking" or how that relationship is going and whether your ex is happy, but the truth is that another persons actions and choices have absolutely nothing to do with you. The sooner you stop taking blame or accountability for other people or taking things personally, the better of you would be. It's good that you have not contacted your ex. Stick with it and every time you find your mind wondering off to her/them, re-focus on yourself. As much as you poured into your relationship, pour that kind of investment into yourself. You will be tons better for it. 2
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So she's slumming around, and you wonder if it is a rebound or not? I'm with the others... what difference does it make? Does one answer or another make you feel better? Move on would be my opinion and stop peeking.
smellysocksuni Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So, is it a rebound or not, is that what you're asking?
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