Redflags leads to snooping

[next1986]

Long story but we started a long distance relationship about 8months ago which was a big thing for both of us after meeting on a dating site but the chemistry was all there so distance didnt matter for us, we meet up after the first month of talking and then saw each other again within two weeks. On the 2nd visit of building up this wonderful spirit and saying goodbye to each other at the airport she got a txt from a guy who happened to be her ex partner which she told me was completely random and they hadn't spoke in months. I didn't say anything against it so I believed her, however it always stuck in my mind why she would get some random picture text from him rather than an actual txt which made me think they had been chatting recently... But I choose to ignore it and not let it bother me...

We caught up a few more times travelling to each others cities, I decided I wanted to post a great pic of just her on her FB page which was at a national park we visited cos I thought she'd like it. Only several mins later she suspended her whole account, claiming she didnt like photos of her on fb posted as her ex's mother and brother would see it and find out she was with me... This brought up immediate red flags! Mind you she told me she never wanted photos of us together on fb of us together because it would create drama which was another red flag I ignored... All my friends are proud to show there partner to the world on there.

 

So after this I knew something was up so I decided to look through her Iphone message backup with a program called Fonelab I used once for my phone to recover photos and music which I had lost. She had recently connected her phone to my computer 2weeks before to upgrade the IOS on it. I looked through her backup and was shocked she had been talking to her ex and lying to me she hadn't talked to him in 6months, she knew he still loved her and was by the looks of it stringing him along and talking to him as she may of had feelings for him. Mind you she dumped the guy 3 times over the course of 5yrs! Also found out from going back to the week I began talking to her she actually meet up with him to see if the spark was still there! I was so shocked I didnt know what to do. Mind you in this period she was revaluating our relationship as she wasn't sure about moving to be with me because she'd miss her family...

Anyway time passed and she made up the mind she was going to move to be with me I was delighted. I decided this is it she wants me im the one for her if shes doing this! So I decided to ignore all the stuff I had seen on her phone and not say anything cos I honestly didnt know how to say what I did to her... Anyway she moved in and the 1st month of living together was great we did so much together in my hometown! However I picked up on something with her I hadnt noticed before, she always carried her phone with her to the bathroom, the shower and it was always on silent when she was with me... Something just didn't seem normal about that, so one night while she was asleep I decided to check her phone and yeap you guessed it she had calls in her log between her and her ex, however no txts probably cos she deleted them.

I looked at messages between her and her best female friend and she told her she was "thinking about him all day" "I hate this town" I was shocked yet again as to why she would move to be with me but still keep in contact with her ex who she knows wants her back and completely disrespect me and lie to me about not talking to him since we first meet. I got so annoyed I asked her what was going on? And told her everything I picked up on that caused me to look at her phone, I asked her why she called him and she responded "I had to let him know where I was because he kept hassling my friends as to where she was living now". I thought that was a stupid thing to say as why is it up to you to notify you ex where your living if you aren't with him anymore. Anyway she apologised and said she was only here for me and loved me with all her heart.

 

Another month went on and everything started to crash down again as I just let all this strew up in my head, I just wasn't sure if I couldnt trust her anymore so I became a little less enthusiastic around here, she said she was over me looking through her phone and wanted to move on... Well one day while I was at work, she packed all her bags without saying goodbye and hopped in her car and drove back home. I was devastated but saw it coming and also glad at the same time this happened sooner than later. She sent me a txt later claiming she had to go back home as she couldn't get over me snopping through her phone, I told her my reasons for it and told her she blantly lied to me.

 

I know I did something I shouldn't have which was invading her privacy but my intuition lead to believe something was up and I was right. She claims she loved me and only me and nothing was ever a threat with her talking to her ex. But I just couldn't get over the fact she hid this from me which made me question what else she was hiding from me. I guess in the end two wrongs dont make a right...

 

What are your thoughts on this whole situation?

[BetrayedH]

She was a liar. She was caught. She left (thank goodness). You dodged a bullet.

 

I hate when liars take advantage of trusting people. You investigated because she was sketchy and you were right. I don't blame you at all.

[Frank2thepoint]

So after this I knew something was up so I decided to look through her Iphone message backup with a program called Fonelab I used once for my phone to recover photos and music which I had lost.

 

You invade her privacy, even though you didn't need to. All the signs were there she wasn't over her ex. Yet you chose to continue obstinately.

 

I was so shocked I didnt know what to do.

 

So you were shocked at realizing your instincts were right? What were you really expecting? Do you get shocked when you see the sunrise every morning too?

 

So I decided to ignore all the stuff I had seen on her phone and not say anything cos I honestly didnt know how to say what I did to her...

 

This is where you f*cked up. You should have had enough self-respect to not even continue the relationship. Snooping through her phone is a blatant lack of trust on your part, but it didn't even have to come to that.

 

I was shocked yet again as to why she would move to be with me but still keep in contact with her ex who she knows wants her back and completely disrespect me and lie to me about not talking to him since we first meet.

 

Now I'm convinced you enjoy playing the fool. Just because she moved in with you, why would you think she wouldn't lie to you? Especially since you already found out through your snooping she already did lie to you? You are really naive.

 

I know I did something I shouldn't have which was invading her privacy but my intuition lead to believe something was up and I was right. She claims she loved me and only me and nothing was ever a threat with her talking to her ex. But I just couldn't get over the fact she hid this from me which made me question what else she was hiding from me. I guess in the end two wrongs dont make a right...

 

So instead of trusting your intuition, just from her cagey behavior alone, you needed tangible proof, which you did get, you ignored it by moving in with her and acted surprised (twice) that she has been lying to you (multiple times, multiple occasions)? Honestly, you did this to yourself. Ever hear the story "The scorpion and the turtle"? If not, look it up. Your girlfriend is the scorpion, and you are the turtle.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, but it seems this needed to happen to you in order to learn about your mistakes. I don't know if there is hope for your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, because she is stuck in a loop getting her ego boosted by a guy for over 5 years, while comfortably sowing lies. But for you, you have a chance to learn from all of this. Learn to trust yourself, have self-respect, nurture your self-worth, learn to give out your trust to those that earn it, and stop being so naive.

[No Limit]

Sometimes you just gotta trust your gut feeling. Your 'whiskers' will catch up on liars long before they even leave visible proof behind.

[next1986]

You invade her privacy, even though you didn't need to. All the signs were there she wasn't over her ex. Yet you chose to continue obstinately.

 

 

 

So you were shocked at realizing your instincts were right? What were you really expecting? Do you get shocked when you see the sunrise every morning too?

 

 

 

This is where you f*cked up. You should have had enough self-respect to not even continue the relationship. Snooping through her phone is a blatant lack of trust on your part, but it didn't even have to come to that.

 

 

 

Now I'm convinced you enjoy playing the fool. Just because she moved in with you, why would you think she wouldn't lie to you? Especially since you already found out through your snooping she already did lie to you? You are really naive.

 

 

 

So instead of trusting your intuition, just from her cagey behavior alone, you needed tangible proof, which you did get, you ignored it by moving in with her and acted surprised (twice) that she has been lying to you (multiple times, multiple occasions)? Honestly, you did this to yourself. Ever hear the story "The scorpion and the turtle"? If not, look it up. Your girlfriend is the scorpion, and you are the turtle.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you, but it seems this needed to happen to you in order to learn about your mistakes. I don't know if there is hope for your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend, because she is stuck in a loop getting her ego boosted by a guy for over 5 years, while comfortably sowing lies. But for you, you have a chance to learn from all of this. Learn to trust yourself, have self-respect, nurture your self-worth, learn to give out your trust to those that earn it, and stop being so naive.

 

Your absolutey right I ignored all the red flags because I was love without respecting my own self worth. Never sweep redflags under the carpet no matter how good you think this person is on paper!