Eternalsadness Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I posted months ago about a break up that was really hard on me and it has now been a year since that break up. I will be honest that there were times that he popped in my head, but as time went on, that became less and less to the point that i barely thought about him and when i did, i felt nothing. So i'm perfectly happy and moving on with life. Then yesterday happens. i get this txt from a number that looks familiar but wasn't sure who it was, so i replied. Find out it's my ex. We haven't talked in almost a year and he decides to pop up close to the time he dumped me last year. So of course i'm thinking why on earth would he choose this time of the year out of all the others he could have picked to txt me. I doubt he even thinks or realizes how much i suffered this time last year because of him. Anyways he then says he is sorry for taking so long to get in contact again and i reply that i honestly never expected to hear from him again. He goes that is certainly dooable if that is what you want. I don't know why but this really hurt me. Why bother to message me if its easy enough for him to never talk to me again? Sorry im ranting...anyways i realized that just by him txting me that emotions were popping up again that i had thought i had dealt with and told him that im not ready to be friends yet and that it is too soon. He hasn't said anything since that. I think he txted cause he was trying to be friends again like we were before we started dating. Anyways i guess what im trying to get at is do the feelings ever really go away to the point that it is possible to be friends again? I know i don't want him back, but i also know that even though it's been a year that it still hurts and that talking to him still hurts. We were friends for years before we even dated and someday i would like to be friends again, but not now and i'm not sure i will ever be ready. I also feel kind of guilty and feel like i should be more mature and try to make a friendship work.
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 No, that's not a responsibility that you should take on. You'll be ready whenever you're ready. Blindsided breakups seem to take the longest to heal, and while you may be perfectly fine with no reminders, NC does tend to shelter you from dealing with the feelings that contact can elicit. I know that I buried my feelings for a long time just because I got tired of feeling sad and hurt. It felt like I moved on until the next time I saw her. There's an old saying that might be a nice way to close it out, Don't call me. I'll call you. but I guess you did that already. Good for you.
jus d'orange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I wouldn't worry about trying to make a friendship work again. There are billions of people on this planet and millions with whom you could be friends. Unless you live in a really tiny village and he is one of the few other people there, I'd recommend you just continue moving forward in life and make other friends. I do know exes that have then had a good friendship, but I think it's more of the exception proving the rule; a romantic relationship that ended in a painful manner is rarely going to be a good foundation for a friendship, even if friendship was where that romance started originally. CPA is right; NC does tend to help hide the feelings that contact will actually make. Even months after a breakup, exchanging messages with my ex made me feel weird. Even months after I'd stopped thinking of her much at all and it didn't cause me any pain. In a few days, I bet you'll feel totally fine again. Keep going -- you've made it so far in this process.
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