SoleMate Posted April 7, 2005 Posted April 7, 2005 I'm a guy and I wouldn't do something that I knew deeply bothered my girlfriend... Best point made on this thread. I believe it's a waste of time to "talk yourself into being OK" with him going to strippers...while he neglects you. That's right. HE NEGLECTS YOU. You are longing for simple, reasonable displays of his affection, and he denies them to you. But he gets nasty with strippers. When he could have been having a good time with you and making you feel wanted and respected. If you're already practically married, then I have to say, that's not much of a marriage. It's hard to see this from the inside, I know. You've invested a lot in this r/s and it seems almost too late to back out. If you stick with him, just be aware that he has established a pattern of neglecting you and mistreating you, and that you have decided to put up with it. After a few years, you'll probably no longer even be aware that there is an alternative.
Guest Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 Hi. I just came across this while I was looking up some other stuff about jealousy. I don't mean to be a thread-stealer, but I am going through something similar. I am and have been with someone for about 6 months who used to frequent a nu club for a period of about 10 years (from when he was about 18 till before we started being involved). He tells me he has no desire to go there anymore at all and we do and have talked a lot about it and about a lot of other things because we both think communication is a cornerstone of a good relationship. The thing is, I still get upset thinking about him even having had been there before and sometimes feel like there was more to tell even though he says he told me everything and I still get afraid sometimes that if I let my guard down, he'd go back there either on his own or prompting from someone else. He tells me all the time it's not true, and that it was before we were involved and that he feels better about himself for not being there and feels like he's changing. I know I have issues with jealousy to begin with so it's hard to even trust in this situation with ease. I could go on, but I am not even a member of the site and don't want to totally upstage your thread. I will agree that in situations like this that trusting and talking about this stuff is a challenge. Iceprincess, I would say the important thing here would be that you guys are not communicating on some level here. If you guys are going to get married, I would say that maybe you could suggest that you guys try a couple sessions of counseling together or something, if he isn't willing to just talk with you alone. Have you thought about that? I hope you guys can at least work something out.
Triguluous Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Well, I am a guy and I don't feel the need to go to strip clubs. Just a waste of money, and the fact why go when you have a beautiful person at home like you are with him. "It's a guy thing" no that is a frat thing, or a single thing, or a I love other women on me stuff. How would he feel if you went to a male strip club. I don't think he would like it. I could live with a hypocrite. If he really respected your feelings then he would listen and understand. Not just make excuses. I know you moved all that way for him, doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake. IF you are in true love with this person then this is something you should be able to look past. Relationships are about compromises, and it doesn't seem like he as been doing any.
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