Raddy Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I've recently broken up with my girlfriend that meant quiet a lot to me. An interesting story that involved 2 years of us meeting up with each other around the world in different countries, more so in the last 12 months when we where in the same country Despite the long distances it worked well. I mostly traveled to see her as she worked on a boat and when she ported it was normally at a better location for us both to holiday and enjoy ourselves. Times were challenging however we got over hurdles pretty quickly up until i needed some support with an illness i was experiencing. Whether it was the timing or the situation i'm not sure but she distanced herself when i needed her most. Instead she said she needed space as i gather i'd pushed for her support being a little needy in that time. I gave her some space but I eventually broke it off with her explaining to her that life has its ways of dishing out both highs and low. Friendships and relationships are built on the highs but strengthened in the lows and i feel that she gravitate's to the highs, placing herself there continually at the risk of hurting people or burning bridges. I've since being diagnosed with cileacs disease which explained the unknown illness i was experiencing of throwing up, being tired and quiet emotional as my body tried to fight off foods it rejected. I've held my ground after breaking up and haven't messaged her in around a month despite her sending me a message saying that she hopes i wasn't too ill and that it made her feel sad a week ago. I feel resentment towards her for not being there despite the long distance and can't bring myself to message her back, at the same time can't get her out of my head. I guess the last few weeks i've been quiet ill which hasn't helped. Am i being un-reasonable by not messaging her back even as a friend to tell her how I am? I'm just finding it hard to cope with everything between sickness, a breakup and still trying to maintain my work ethic.
Hija77 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 You say she bailed on you when you needed her the most. That's not someone you want to be in a relationship with, right? Take care of your health. You don't need the stress of going back and forth with her. I wouldn't answer that message if I were you. You've got much more important things to deal with. No contact. I'd also try to let go of the resentment about her not being here for you. You broke up, so clearly she won't be. Concerning yourself with that isn't productive. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. I hope both your emotional and physical issues resolve themselves. It will be hard, but there are loads of people on this site who have had to let go of people they loved. You're going to be fine. Good luck! 1
jus d'orange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 She may actually be concerned about your well-being, or she may just be looking for a little emotional boost from some contact with you. I am a strong advocate of NC, e.g. not responding to her message here, but if you really feel compelled to let her know that you're fine, here are a couple options: 1. send her back a message that says that says how you're doing health-wise, and then explain that the best thing for you at the moment is for the two of you to remain out of contact. Ask for her understanding and say that you won't respond to another message. At this point, the contact is over. 2. do the same above, but have somebody else send it to her, perhaps a friend of yours. Instruct this friend to not answer a single question to you about if she responded, etc. This way, you won't build up disappointing hope about getting a response from her. After a breakup of mine in the past in which my ex told me "let's talk in a few weeks," I spent a lot of time wondering when she would message me, what I would say, etc. Finally, I found out several weeks later that she had called my best friend instead, and he had basically said "yeah, he's doing fine, I'm sure you're sad and want to talk to him, but sorry it's not going to happen." He then purposefully didn't tell me about this interaction until a good time had passed. It got her to avoid contacting me, and it kept me protected from dealing with that myself. Of course, you can always just not respond and she'll get over it. Do what's best for you here, because in the end, she doesn't really NEED to know how you're doing.
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