Jay13094 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 what does this quote mean to you? curious in general to see if people agree with this or not. Would you rather have that person choose you and you would be happy or vis versa.
Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 In the spirit of what it's communicating which I interpret as.... If you aren't sufficiently attracted to me for that to be an obvious decision for you, then move on. I would agree. I'm a vibe person, if you don't feel it with me I really don't want to be in a relationship with you. It's a waste of my time and I could be available for someone who truly does feel it with me. We all know what it's like to be in a relationship that we don't really want, and it gets in the way of finding one we do. 2
Mangina Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 What if you are in between 2 people who are both awesome?
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 In the spirit of what it's communicating which I interpret as.... If you aren't sufficiently attracted to me for that to be an obvious decision for you, then move on. I would agree. I'm a vibe person, if you don't feel it with me I really don't want to be in a relationship with you. It's a waste of my time and I could be available for someone who truly does feel it with me. We all know what it's like to be in a relationship that we don't really want, and it gets in the way of finding one we do. Hmmm...how about this -- if you are hesitating between me and another woman...I'll save you the trouble of having to choose. *I* choose to leave...and will find a guy who is so into me, and me alone, that there IS no one else to choose from! 1
Maleficent Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 What if you are in between 2 people who are both awesome? The question is not to choose the most awesome, but to chose the you are truly attracted to. Chances are it's only one of the two... 1
Mangina Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 The question is not to choose the most awesome, but to chose the you are truly attracted to. Chances are it's only one of the two... I am attracted to the most awesome. A lot of girls are pretty I have a hard time deciding which is prettier.
somedude81 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I would have no problem being a girl's second choice as long as she was able to focus on me and doesn't have any hard feelings about not getting her first choice. Basically if she doesn't make me feel bad for being her second choice, I don't care at all.
kendahke Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I am attracted to the most awesome. A lot of girls are pretty I have a hard time deciding which is prettier. looks fade. It's who they are on the inside and how they treat you that should be more important. Lots of pretty girls are lousy relationship material. 2
NJ123 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I'd never want to be with a woman that is hesitating between me & some other guy. I'd feel she'd likely be thinking about the other guy while with me since she clearly liked him a lot too if she couldn't make up her mind.
NJ123 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 looks fade. It's who they are on the inside and how they treat you that should be more important. Lots of pretty girls are lousy relationship material. Not according to this site. Everyone wants an attractive partner. It doesn't matter if looks fade, people in their 20s & 30s look for attractive partners while they still have their looks. Who wants to be with someone they don't find physically attractive?
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 It also depends, when this "choice" is made. After 1 meeting? So you meet someone for the first time, and they are also seeing others... you expect them to drop all the others instantly and only date you, otherwise you're going to bail? Exclusivity from date 1? This is something I am led to believe is extremely unusual thinking these days. In certain parts of the world most people will multi-date and if you choose not to date multi-daters then you'll be massively limiting your dating pool. If you're talking about a "choice" after several months of dating then I agree with you, if you are "undecided" or "confused" then I'm out. But someone you only just met? No, it's normal to have several interests on the go, and it's normal, when the time comes, to choose one to be exclusive with. What you're describing as unreasonable, seems to be the normal pattern that most people go through.....
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) Not according to this site. Everyone wants an attractive partner. It doesn't matter if looks fade, people in their 20s & 30s look for attractive partners while they still have their looks. Who wants to be with someone they don't find physically attractive? Everyone wants someone physically attractive ..to "them". Everyone's idea of physically attractive is different.... My boyfriend doesn't have model looks...and some women might not find him all that hot...but I happen to think he's GORGEOUS! And always have. For me, he just has that special "something" that I find incredibly awesome.... It's all subjective... Edited February 19, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Toodaloo Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I do not come second best to anyone... *at least I like to think not* and it would be my partners responsibility to ensure I feel that way the same way that it is important that I ensure that they are fully aware that they are the best too! At first few meets who gives a toss - you don't know them so who cares what they think... Have to say though if they were seeing others and going out on second dates with women after they had met me... well they wouldn't know me for long. I am a one man kind of girl. I want a one woman kind of guy. It really is that simple. 1
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I do not come second best to anyone... *at least I like to think not* and it would be my partners responsibility to ensure I feel that way the same way that it is important that I ensure that they are fully aware that they are the best too! At first few meets who gives a toss - you don't know them so who cares what they think... Have to say though if they were seeing others and going out on second dates with women after they had met me... well they wouldn't know me for long. I am a one man kind of girl. I want a one woman kind of guy. It really is that simple. ^^Amen! I'm the same... and the men I've had relationships with all knew that pretty much from the getgo too .....and I have had some pretty awesome relationships, including my current of five years.. Never settle for less than what you want and feel you deserve... life is just too dam short for that... 2
central Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 What if you are in between 2 people who are both awesome? I'd ask both to live with me! Either both would, or both would bail and I find someone better than either eventually. Win-win!
Toodaloo Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 ^^Amen! I'm the same... and the men I've had relationships with all knew that pretty much from the getgo too .....and I have had some pretty awesome relationships, including my current of five years.. Never settle for less than what you want and feel you deserve... life is just too dam short for that... I didn't and have had 12 years + of relationship hell. Irony is every single one said "you deserve better" when they left regardless of who split up with who. So I am going to listen. Its where I have been going so horribly wrong. From here on in I am going to get selfish. I struggle with it sometimes and end up putting my "nail varnish" money in a charity pot or giving it to a homeless person etc but I am getting there. I take far less rubbish from people these days and I have to say its made for a much simpler and easier life.
carhill Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 If you hesitate between me and another person, don't choose me.... what does this quote mean to you? Since this is a dating/romantic/sexual situation, the preference is all-in without hesitation curious in general to see if people agree with this or not. Would you rather have that person choose you and you would be happy or vis versa. I've found, personally, that initial strong attraction is preferable, speaking from a man's perspective regarding interacting with women. I didn't always feel that way but harsh life experience with all aspects of romantic relationships taught lessons regarding this dynamic so, moving forward, I heartily encourage women who are on the fence to leap to the green grass which is on the other side. I prefer no fence-straddlers. It's a choice, one I can live just fine with.
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I didn't and have had 12 years + of relationship hell. Irony is every single one said "you deserve better" when they left regardless of who split up with who. So I am going to listen. Its where I have been going so horribly wrong. From here on in I am going to get selfish. I struggle with it sometimes and end up putting my "nail varnish" money in a charity pot or giving it to a homeless person etc but I am getting there. I take far less rubbish from people these days and I have to say its made for a much simpler and easier life. Last sentence.... good for you . ..and also...what will happen is that people (men) will have way more respect for you too! Which will result in your actually getting what you want and need and feeling happy, content and more secure in your relationships. You can't expect anyone to respect you (including men).... if you don't respect yourself first!
preraph Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 If there's two people you're strongly into, then I think you better hope you have the skills to keep the situation fluid until you get to know them better. This may mean sleeping with neither and not officially dating either.
Author Jay13094 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 this is all interesting. I mainly asked because I was exclusively dating a guy for 2.5 months. He didn't want a label on us cz he wasn't "ready" but he said we were serious and basically in a relationship. Which made me stay loyal, as he should... But I found out he was seeing another girl and texting her and admitted to liking her. But also likes me and told his friend he didn't know what to do. (He knew this girl for a couple weeks). I don't deal with that bs so I chose for him and left him. I still think about him often and have a hard time settling the fact that he didn't fight enough to drop her and keep me.
Toodaloo Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Last sentence.... good for you . ..and also...what will happen is that people (men) will have way more respect for you too! Which will result in your actually getting what you want and need and feeling happy, content and more secure in your relationships. You can't expect anyone to respect you (including men).... if you don't respect yourself first! Amen sister! I am still being nice but now have boundaries and am rather strict about them. It is amazing the difference in people. I have had a couple of massive rows with people when I have put my foot down but I stayed resolute and firm, refrained from being nasty or unreasonable and carried on. Jay men like that have a name... Its not polite for public forums so we use stars instead of letters for them.
mysteryscape Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 It also depends, when this "choice" is made. After 1 meeting? So you meet someone for the first time, and they are also seeing others... you expect them to drop all the others instantly and only date you, otherwise you're going to bail? Exclusivity from date 1? This is something I am led to believe is extremely unusual thinking these days. . Actually, of the people who answer the question on OKC about whether they "prefer to date multiple people, or one at a time when not in a serious relationship, or don't date only do serious relationships" in my experience most i.e. about 75% of women don't pick "date multiple people." Of course, this is not a random sample by age etc. But it may indicate that the multidating is something that is being imposed, either by social pressure or technology or both.
kendahke Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) Not according to this site. Everyone wants an attractive partner. It doesn't matter if looks fade, people in their 20s & 30s look for attractive partners while they still have their looks. Who wants to be with someone they don't find physically attractive? None of that negates the fact that a lot of really hot looking people are lousy in relationships because they rely solely on their looks and do not develop much else that is far more important to keeping a relationship viable than how they look. Edited February 21, 2015 by kendahke
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