makegoodfrombad Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I have been broken up for 3 months and now been in NC for over a month. It's been one hell of a ride, early days were just terrible. Then there were bad days and worse days. Then there were ok days and bad days. Then after I saw the light and went no contact there were moments of joy and inspiration followed by sad times. Just over the past few days I seem to be having just average days filled with memories of her. For the first time it feels like it's getting worse! I miss her like crazy and want to speak to her but the last conversation we had I promised I would not be the one to get in contact next. I have made goals for myself and have a daily routine of things that make me happy and healthy but I still feel blah. Is this lull common in the break up process or am I just holding on still? Thanks for any advice...
quattrob Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 It could be a process for you or it isnt. That doesnt really matter, whatever it is all you need to know is you will fight through it and you will get through it. Never look back even its really tough for you because deep down you should know going back is not the best for you. Focus on going forward, you can do it 1
privategal Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Sounds like your doing wonderful actually Im impressed. Ive heard that 3 to 4 week mark is when nc usually gets broken. Doesn't sound like your gonna budge, good for you but please know its normal that this is a key time to struggle. I hope shes blocked so she can't pop in and interrupt your healing. These are just withdrawals after breakup. Keep going...keep those goals and make bigger ones too!!
The Poster Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Everyone is different. It's been 3 months since my breakup (of a two month relationship) and I feel like each month has gotten progressively worse for some reason, and I have been in NC since the day it ended. Somehow I think the NC and silence has made it much harder for me. I don't think there is any universal time table for healing. It happens when it happens. Good luck. I hope you find peace soon. 1
darkbloom Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 You're going to have good days and bad days for awhile. I'm almost two months NC and the worst day I had was the other day. I made sure there is no way to get in contact with him and then it passes. I felt the best I've ever felt today. I know I will still have some rough days ahead and it takes awhile to let go of missing them. When I want to break NC I always picture the outcome. Would anything he say make me feel better or worse? And there's not a single thing he could say or text that would make me feel better. Because he broke up with me. If he wanted to talk to me, he'd do it. 1
Author makegoodfrombad Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks guys, it's nice to have people who have been there comment. it was my first serious relationship (2 years) and obviously my first real break up. What a learning experience at age 29. I'm plagued by the way I handled it, the person I was at the end of the relationship was worlds away from my true self. I've learnt so much through this process and I'm 100% sure this relationship needed to end for me to appreciate love, understand how crucial it is to keep your identity when In a relationship and the importance of making your partner feel wanted and loved. I just wish I had learned this lesson prior to this girl. I've read enough to know that I need to keep NC and continue to concentrate on myself and growing as a man. Memories are hard to escape though and continually drag me into a state of doubt, confusion and the real kicker is loneliness. Thanks for your support and I hope whatever path you are on is leading you to happiness. 1
darkbloom Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks guys, it's nice to have people who have been there comment. it was my first serious relationship (2 years) and obviously my first real break up. What a learning experience at age 29. I'm plagued by the way I handled it, the person I was at the end of the relationship was worlds away from my true self. I've learnt so much through this process and I'm 100% sure this relationship needed to end for me to appreciate love, understand how crucial it is to keep your identity when In a relationship and the importance of making your partner feel wanted and loved. I just wish I had learned this lesson prior to this girl. I've read enough to know that I need to keep NC and continue to concentrate on myself and growing as a man. Memories are hard to escape though and continually drag me into a state of doubt, confusion and the real kicker is loneliness. Thanks for your support and I hope whatever path you are on is leading you to happiness. When I start to miss him or get lonely, I picture all of the times that I felt lonely while in the relationship. It helps me remember that the key to not feeling lonely lies within myself. You can also savor the memories, they were good and they happened to you. However, neither you nor she is the same person from those memories. Something is broken and you can never go back to that. The first relationship will always cut the deepest, no matter what your age. If you can learn from this relationship, then the heartbreak and doubt will all be worth it. Keep going forward and healing.
Dondon Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I'm 2 months (few days more actually) NC and i had a few bad days last week. In my case i think it was triggered by our 2 months "breakiversary", following by valentines day. It was hard and all those feelings came rushing back to me but i got through. Bum i'm proud to say that i have no urge to contact her or something. And i realized that i miss being in a relationship, not her. Having someone to talk to about everything, someone falling asleep in my arms, waking up together. So i moving forward but i know there will be some setbacks along the way. Going to the gym, watching a good mind bending movie and hanging out with friends is very helpful to me. So try doing something you like and it will help taking your mind of her. Also you could make a list of things you didn't like about her. After a few weeks, when you "take off" your rose colored glasses you realize they aren't as perfect as you make them look. I have it on my phone/computer and when i can't stop thinking about her i start reading that list. As they say, it's a bumpy ride and you will have good and bad days. But you just have to move forward and stay NC. 1
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 For me it took 3 months, and did get better. Everyone is different I guess!
leia1028 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I believe it's perfectly normal. I'm a couple months in from my breakup and I still have relapses.. I understand how you feel, they aren't fun at all. But I constantly remind myself that I WILL find someone better and that I WILL love again. Just keep moving forward, you're making a lot of progress. You should be feeling better than you were three months ago. When you fall sometimes and think of the past, just get up and keep moving because the future has something better planned. Hang in there, and know you are not alone!
Author makegoodfrombad Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Thanks Leia, I know you're right. When I think back 3 months ago it really allows me to appreciate how far I've come. I had a good day today and dived into my journey of growth and discovery. I know by now that this is just one hell of a roller coaster ride, though when the lows come it's easy to get caught up in it. I suppose it works both ways. There have been several times when I thought I'd made it through the other side (ignorance :s). Today I just reminded myself how big an opportunity this is, to be free of any distractions and really work on who I am and who I want to become. I've found my 4 biggest friends to be: 1. Exercise 2. Reading 3. Healthy eating/sleeping routine and go figure... 4. Friends. How lucky we are to have access to a community like this though. I've read so many posts on here which has helped in making this all feel 'normal' and for me reading the people who confirm it does get better and it does get easier and it does have purpose has helped immensley. In such a good place now, not getting cocky though. Tomorrow brings a new day... Bring it on!!! 2
Heatemyheart89 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Hello . I remember at 2 months NC once I felt the worst ever ! So it happens . I broke no contact and it was a mistake . Be strong . You can do it .
Author makegoodfrombad Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Thanks for the encouragement. Very disappointed in my mental strength, maybe disappointed in our make-up. I can't get my head around how relentless the ups and downs are. Sure we understand to deal with them and how to stick tough through them but to me it doesn't make sense... I was told by two of my colleagues last night that they saw my ex and she was super thin. I didn't probe for any info and let it slide but once I was alone all I could think about was her. Why was she thin?! To look good or is she unhealthy because of our break-up?! and how is she doing?! I hope she is ok, I want happiness for her... Etc etc... We were good friends before we got together and we loved each other, dare say we both still do ( I still do) so it sucks not knowing how she is. Still, I know I wouldnt have forced myself into changing my life and chasing my goals had we not gone NC. I have been thinking how I could contact her without contacting her, just to see how she is. I know I can't do this but it sure as hell doesn't stop me from thinking it. I hope she is well and we can talk when we have both grown and healed from our past.
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