EAAB Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 my girlfriend of 4 years told me that she can't be in a relationship right now. that she needs to be alone. That means that she needs to move out. To me the thought of watching her move out, or the thought of coming home to an empty apartment where we have created the most amazing moments is truey something that i have no idea how i will survive. Does any one have any advice? Or how did they get through this? I feel very very lonely. I am still very in love with her and I read the NC guideline and i feel like a don't have the strength to even start it. How do i get rid of the hope we might still be something in the future? I need help. I keep thinking of all the moments we will no longer have and i go into this complete hyperventilating crying insanity. Advise? please?
smellysocksuni Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Hi. I went through this exact same thing a month go and it was heartwrenching. If you can, have someone else be there. Don't be there if you can help it. It's horrible - I won't lie to you. 1
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 How do i get rid of the hope we might still be something in the future? By accepting that you are nothing right now. You can't change the past. All you can do is accept it, or reject it. Your break is part of the past. Accept it. 2
preraph Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Go out with friends. Don't stay there helping her. Start having a new life right now. You'll come home to it, but it's still your home. She wasn't the right one. There will be others. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Don't be there when she's leaving. If at all possible have a good friend or family member go in & rearrange furniture etc. before you get back. Have them fill in empty spaces kind of thing. 2
ghsteo Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I'm going through the same thing. Except we bought a house together, luckily I was the only one on the mortgage and deed. But yes my heart is crushed anytime something is removed from the house. Our house was beautiful and we decorated it together, so to look at it now from what it once was is ****ing hard. My suggestion is go out and buy a bunch of **** to start decorating in your own idea. You have to replace what once was, cause sadly it's no longer there. Stay strong, this is one of the toughest things you'll go through in your life, but at the end you'll gain more than you can ever imagine. 1
Bfef Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Yeah it's really hard, be somewhere else if you trust her to only take her stuff [my ex took some personal stuff I really should have hidden]. When you get back home use the opportunity to move everything around so it's like you want it, make it your own place again. Even something simple like turning the bed around to face a different wall can make all the difference in my experience. 1
jus d'orange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I can't say enough how much rearranging helps. It doesn't mean it won't be hard, but I can relate a bit to this. I live in my ex's former flat, and after she left we rearranged the rooms a bit out of necessity, months before we broke up. The place looks different enough from the memories I have of her here, and the furniture feels enough like mine, that it doesn't bother me too much. It's when I imagine it back in its original place that I find it painful, but I actually have to work to imagine it, whereas if everything were the same as before, that would be really painful. I wish you the best of luck. I've never lived with a girlfriend, but the people I know who have moved out during a breakup say it's so hard but has a sense of finality about it that can help. 3
Kinetica84 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 my girlfriend of 4 years told me that she can't be in a relationship right now. that she needs to be alone. That means that she needs to move out. To me the thought of watching her move out, or the thought of coming home to an empty apartment where we have created the most amazing moments is truey something that i have no idea how i will survive. Does any one have any advice? Or how did they get through this? I feel very very lonely. I am still very in love with her and I read the NC guideline and i feel like a don't have the strength to even start it. How do i get rid of the hope we might still be something in the future? I need help. I keep thinking of all the moments we will no longer have and i go into this complete hyperventilating crying insanity. Advise? please? There is no quick fix here buddy. I had to watch my ex move out. I was left with the mortgage and all the debt that comes with it. I've been living on my own for 5 months now. I still have to sit on the sofa we bought, sleep in the bed we bought, use the cutlery you name it. It has been tough, 90% of my money goes on living expenses. This means i have to stay in a lot of weekends by myself because i have no money to go out with. Yeah, some weekends can be damn tough but this is my life right now. Things are getting better. I've made a weekly tradition where i chuck out, replace move around or change something in my home that she wanted or wanted a certain a way. I am slowly erasing her and making my home my own. I am also paying off old debts to stop monthly direct debits going out to save more money. Things are getting there but i know i got another 6 months of tough tough work ahead of me. When it rains, do you run from shelter to shelter getting wet all the while, or do you just accept it is raining and walk with your held up and with some dignity? All in perspective mate. You will have some long dark days ahead of you but they will go and you will heal, but get comfortable with being uncomfortable buddy. You got some long days ahead. You have eyes looking forward not looking back. 1
CarrieT Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I spent a LOT of time going to movies to not be in the apartment during the end of relationship and subsequent move.... 1
Satu Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Here are a few tips that helped me: 1. You're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce. 2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps. 3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right. 4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person. 5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again. 6. Take care of your body: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor. 7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn. 8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. 9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do. 10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate. 11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help. 3
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