Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I prefer direct approach. Text is fine, just tell me we're not a match and I'll stop thinking/wondering about you and move on. If I'm being the rejecter, then I will usually text them and tell them I don't feel we're a good fit. Only had one girl who didn't take rejection well, but she was the type if I wasn't direct she would have been harassing me for weeks. 1
Author Zzyxx Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) 2 A million times 2. Is this even a question? Unfortunately yes, cause three often times seems to become the default these days. Like I mentioned before, when I realized that a woman whose entire job it is on a daily basis to be able to tell people their loved one or they themselves is going to die a potentially horrible death yet can't be honest in a text, was the day I realized there's some serious flaws in etiquette going around. Edited February 19, 2015 by Zzyxx format got messed up during posting
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 # 1 is the cowards way out. Some people just can't stand to be direct or be the cause of someone else's pain. This is the easiest way for them so they fade away. It's kind of selfish. # 2 is what most people here said they want. People should pay attention to that. # 3 is an example of how it's cruel to be kind. Again, the person / speaker / dumper is trying to spare someone else's feelings & as part of human nature hates to be the cause of another's pain. While their motives are not mean, the results are more hurtful than a direct no thank you. It's not so much a lack of etiquette but a misguided entitlement to self preservation. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 # 1 is the cowards way out. Some people just can't stand to be direct or be the cause of someone else's pain. This is the easiest way for them so they fade away. It's kind of selfish. # 2 is what most people here said they want. People should pay attention to that. # 3 is an example of how it's cruel to be kind. Again, the person / speaker / dumper is trying to spare someone else's feelings & as part of human nature hates to be the cause of another's pain. While their motives are not mean, the results are more hurtful than a direct no thank you. It's not so much a lack of etiquette but a misguided entitlement to self preservation. In order of preference I would prefer: #2 : Direct and to the point, eliminates any confusion of a potential future. #1 : Not as polite - but for most of us is a clear indicator that they're not interested. #3 : Basically you're doing #2 but wimping out about being truthful because you might be hurting that person's feelings. Basically you're stringing that person along because they might think they have a shot still. 1
Author Zzyxx Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 In order of preference I would prefer: #2 : Direct and to the point, eliminates any confusion of a potential future. #1 : Not as polite - but for most of us is a clear indicator that they're not interested. #3 : Basically you're doing #2 but wimping out about being truthful because you might be hurting that person's feelings. Basically you're stringing that person along because they might think they have a shot still. Exactly. Like, after one date I certainly don't think the person is bad or hold any ill will, but I don't like being purposefully misled, and I find it rude. We're all adults here, so while I agree with you Donn that it doesn't come from a place of maliciousness, it's still a bit rude and not good ettiquette.
AVarma Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 i've been guilty a number of time of going out with some chick a few times, pretend I like her more than i really do, then having sex with her. after i get what i want i stop contacting her. now if its a girl i really like a lot then i wouldn't do this Dude......... you really are the alpha male aren't you?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Dude......... you really are the alpha male aren't you? Guys have needs and we gotta work for them lol.
Omei Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 A text msg wishing me well and that they have no interest.
Omei Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Guys have needs and we gotta work for them lol. there are tons and plenty of girls looking for sex without guys needing to pretend they like them on a date, they're everywhere if you know how to find them. 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 there are tons and plenty of girls looking for sex without guys needing to pretend they like them on a date, they're everywhere if you know how to find them. Usually they're fat / ugly / or have other undesirable traits. Even slutty girls like going on dates so they don't feel like a slut for sleeping with a guy. At the very least they want to be invited over for "Drinks" or something more innocent so they don't feel like a piece of meat. Any girl with self worth isn't going to respond to "My place - sex - now" even if she IS a slut.
Dybbuk Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Direct approach. I'm an adult and can handle a simple text saying thanks but no thanks. However I understand and don't care if someone goes radio silent. Same message.
Omei Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Usually they're fat / ugly / or have other undesirable traits. Even slutty girls like going on dates so they don't feel like a slut for sleeping with a guy. At the very least they want to be invited over for "Drinks" or something more innocent so they don't feel like a piece of meat. Any girl with self worth isn't going to respond to "My place - sex - now" even if she IS a slut. I have seen known, heard of plenty of girls who are sexy and want ONS, traits arnt needed to get laid. Beautiful girls like sex as much as ugly ones you're kind of just saying only unattractive girls will have casual sex and I know thats not true. Surely all those men out there that have approached me with talk of sex or bragging about their penis it must work on girls for them to keep doing it, im just the wrong girl for it to work on. 1
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Option 2 please. Trust that I've got big-kid pants on and can take your face to face rejection of me. I won't cry, or ask you why or begin stalking you.
Jame22 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 1) for sure. There's no reason to explain yourself or ask for an explanation after the first date. If you don't like them don't say anything. If you decide that you like them but they don't respond to your text/phone call move on. Maybe if it's like the 3rd or 4th date it's good to give an explanation but 1 meeting means absolutely nothing.
compulsivedancer Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 For me, it depends on the emotional investment I have in the person. For example, if I knew the guy well before going on a date, and then it didn't work out..I think I would prefer the fade out--silence speaks volumes. If I didn't know the guy well, and it was a genuine "first date type" first date..I would prefer option 2. I can take honesty. Actually, if they're honest with me, their constructive criticism could help me be a better dating partner to someone down the road! I feel the opposite! If it was just a date, you don't have to call for a second one. But if we've been talking for a while, I really want to have a definite notion it's over. So tell me you don't think it's going to work! I may not love it, but at least I know.
sedona Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 The best is number 2. The most usual is number 1, which takes longer and can be more painful. Number 3 is the worst, and I am living it now. Great first date & we both said we'd like to do it again. He says via text afterwards that sometime this week would be best. I wait over the weekend, hear nothing, then send a text asking which evening would be good. Now nothing. Really?!? I wouldn't have bothered him if he'd told me that he had no real intention of seeing me again. This is also by far the worst because I was actually looking forward to seeing him again. :-(
fitnessfan365 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 If I want to see a woman again, I send a quick text the next day - 'Thanks for a great night last night!". I figure this keeps things simple. If she responds, I let her know that I'll call her once I line up my schedule. If she doesn't respond, I don't contact her again. Unlike some people who wonder if a text didn't go through, or keep persisting because they think the person is "really busy", I know how to take a hint. There isn't need for an explanation. No response is a response.
Rko28 Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Direct approach every time. Nothing worse than silence and false hope.
writergal Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Definitely going with the popular opinion of this thread: it has to be the direct approach. Why...why do SOME of you men do the "well I had fun, let's do it again sometime" good-bye after a first date, only to then go radio silent. Not a peep from you. Nada. That's just rude! I haaaate that! I mean, how hard is it after a first date to say, "thanks for meeting me, but I don't think we're a good fit" or something like that. Why are men afraid to be honest?! I'd rather have a guy reject me in person, than have me wonder why he said he'd call me when he never does.
road Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Before internet and texting many you could not avoid direct contact. Whether you saw her/him again at school, work, same social group, or used the phone. Hearing a voice is still direct contact. For most people they did not want to be direct and say no to a second date. Because it was them meaning eeewww how did I go out with you the first time. Most people do not want to add insult to injury. Even when the dumper is being nice when turning the dumpee down for a second date saying: No I do not want to go. I had a nice time (code for being polite) on our date though I did not feel the chemistry (code for you do not do it for me). The dumper knows the dumpee is reading between the lines and realizes they have been put into the loser zone. Though with the ability to send a text today the ability for the dumper to avoid direct contact it would be better to send a simple text stating they did not feel the chemistry. It allows the dumpee to realize right away they have no chance and to move on faster. Better then letting them dangle hoping their is some kind of chance. A girl not responding to a text, or phone call, is intentionally leading a guy on. Guy likes the girl. She went on a date with him. He had a good time and wants to see her again. He calls/texts to asks her out again. She does not respond. He wonders, does she not like me, is she playing hard to get because girls are taught to not appear easy so I can go along with that, she was all smiles on the date, is she looking to see if I am desperate, what is she up to. Do I call again. How long should I wait. Bad mistake to appear needy. What should I do to not mess this up. He is trying to figure out what does this girl want. Though he tends to look for signs that support what he wants. That she wants to date him. Discounting things that do not that. Letting hope misguide him. So I say better to send the person a text right away so they know where they stand and move on.
BluEyeL Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 By email or text, I'm fine with that. I'm fine with the disappearing act as well.
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