Zzyxx Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) So for my experienced daters out there - we've all been around the block and this isn't our first rodeo. Most of us of a certain age/experience level have had that first date with a person we thought was amazing, but knew that deep down they weren't really feeling us or there were complicated/mixed signals. So, we go against the odds and ask for that second date and it doesn't work out. What rejection tactic makes you feel the LEAST disappointed after the first date? 1) They straight up don't respond to your text/message/call 2) The straight forward/honest response: "You're really nice/I had a nice time, but I don't think we're a match" 3) The white lie, where they respond with very little enthusiasm and say something like "sure" but refuse to pin down an actual date and are usually " really busy, but I'll let you know...." ect and never really intend to see or talk to you again. What do you think? Edited February 19, 2015 by Zzyxx accidently posted before I was done editing
losangelena Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I prefer silence. Sends a very direct message. What I dislike most are people who say, "yeah, let's plan something soon," etc., when they don't mean it. 5
Ebelskiver Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I very much appreciate the direct, "I had a nice time but I don't feel we are a match." No doubt on where you stand. It may a hurt a bit but in the long run it works out better than wondering for weeks if the guy is gonna call or not. 8
mammasita Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 After a first date, I quite honestly prefer radio silence. I don't understand why anyone needs closure or a no thank you after really nothing of substance. I have to add though, my first dates were always just a drink or two....nothing more. 2
mammasita Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I very much appreciate the direct, "I had a nice time but I don't feel we are a match." No doubt on where you stand. It may a hurt a bit but in the long run it works out better than wondering for weeks if the guy is gonna call or not. Why would you wonder for weeks? If someone doesn't reach out after 2 or 3 days it's pretty obvious they're not interested enough to make you a priority. No wondering needed. 2
AVarma Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I would rather they say we're not a match. I've women say they wanted to go out again only to have an excuse at the last minute and it's a big soul crushing. I wouldn't like outright silence either. I'd rather just know. 2
Author Zzyxx Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 After a first date, I quite honestly prefer radio silence. I don't understand why anyone needs closure or a no thank you after really nothing of substance. I have to add though, my first dates were always just a drink or two....nothing more. I think, at least for me, it of course depends on how well you perceived the date going or how confusing the mixed signals are. If you really like the person and are on the fence, or even think there might be a glimmer of hope, then I think closure can help. I prefer 1 or 2, so I agree that if someone were just to ignore my text, for me that would be enough closure, but there has been a time where in a weird way I actually kind of preferred three even though I know it was a bald faced lie, cause it meant that they at least kind of cared enough to not want to disappoint me, even though lying sucks.
Philosoraptor Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Life is too short to wonder. Tell me right away. Honesty is something to be appreciated, not hurt by. 4
LifeandPerseverance Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So for my experienced daters out there - we've all been around the block and this isn't our first rodeo. Most of us of a certain age/experience level have had that first date with a person we thought was amazing, but knew that deep down they weren't really feeling us or there were complicated/mixed signals. So, we go against the odds and ask for that second date and it doesn't work out. What rejection tactic makes you feel the LEAST disappointed after the first date? 1) They straight up don't respond to your text/message/call 2) The straight forward/honest response: "You're really nice/I had a nice time, but I don't think we're a match" 3) The white lie, where they respond with very little enthusiasm and say something like "sure" but refuse to pin down an actual date and are usually " really busy, but I'll let you know...." ect and never really intend to see or talk to you again. What do you think? For me, it depends on the emotional investment I have in the person. For example, if I knew the guy well before going on a date, and then it didn't work out..I think I would prefer the fade out--silence speaks volumes. If I didn't know the guy well, and it was a genuine "first date type" first date..I would prefer option 2. I can take honesty. Actually, if they're honest with me, their constructive criticism could help me be a better dating partner to someone down the road!
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Bang me, and send me on my way. Give me a reason to remember you. 2
spanishchick00 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I prefer the direct approach. "I don't think we're a good match." Why the lies??? I don't see why people have to lie..and what's the worst that could happen by simply being honest? Surely, they'll not going to knock on your door and show up with a knife and stab you. 2
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I prefer the direct approach... knock on your door and show up with a knife and stab you. wow spanishchica! tal vez es la barrera del idioma!
Author Zzyxx Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 I prefer the direct approach. "I don't think we're a good match." Why the lies??? I don't see why people have to lie..and what's the worst that could happen by simply being honest? Surely, they'll not going to knock on your door and show up with a knife and stab you. Totally! I'm with you on that one. I once got number three from a critical care Doctor in a hospital in her mid 30's, and I was thinking, "You tell people's families all day long that they're gonna die, but you can't tell me honestly via text that you don't want to go out again?" Dear Lord. Do you sugar coat their prognosis too? Like, "Sure, maybe you'll die, but I'm busy so let me get back to you on that." Out of all the people/situations where you'd expect some kind of direct approach, I guess nothing potentially extends to dating. 2
Drifterofwood Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Direct approach. I think it hurts more to get ignored. 1
Toodaloo Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Just be direct and honest. Like ripping of a plaster stings at first but ho hum everyone gets over it. Slow fades piddle me off as I am a one at a time kind of girl and would rather not waste my time thank you very much. 1
guest569 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I dont see what's wrong with a simple "sorry I'm not interested but had a nice time" i need that clarity, silence would do it too but make me wait and wonder for a couple of weeks. The worst thing someone can do is mixed signals.. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 # 2: thanks but no thanks. The passive BS of going silent always leaves me wasting days wondering if they got the message ... should I call again? Is this the fade out? Did they did in a ditch & I don't know that? Just tell me. It doesn't have to be a scene. The lying. . . why bother? The truth after one date doesn't hurt that much because really, there is no history or genuine connection (even if I thought there was more too it then the other person did) 3
Erised Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 What do you think? 2 A million times 2. Is this even a question? Though I've only once had a guy not be interested in a second date and it was pretty obvious so I never attempted to message him again to get the no thanks response. If it wasn't obvious, definitely say! (I would always be clear. Honesty doesn't cost anything from me!) 1
GTR King Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I would rather have number 2 then you know where you stand and can move on.. I hate number 3 as you think she is interested but is not... Number 1 is ok.
regine_phalange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 They don't need to do anything. I'm a big girl, I'll figure it out.
Vintage79 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I definitely prefer a direct statement. If they don't try to sugar coat it or be mean about it, it's the most clear and doesn't leave any guessing. Besides, there's no reason to assume that after you meet once that should be amazing chemistry. A simple, "it was interesting meeting, but the chemistry wasn't working for me - I'm going to look elsewhere - best of luck", or whatever is best. I usually tell that to the women that I don't feel a connection with - 80+% seem to appreciate it - you get the occasional complainer, but that's fine.
alphamale Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 i've been guilty a number of time of going out with some chick a few times, pretend I like her more than i really do, then having sex with her. after i get what i want i stop contacting her. now if its a girl i really like a lot then i wouldn't do this
Ieris Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 i've been guilty a number of time of going out with some chick a few times, pretend I like her more than i really do, then having sex with her. after i get what i want i stop contacting her. Where is the dislike button?! 1
alphamale Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Where is the dislike button?! yes i know its pretty mean but i'm less likely to do it now because of age and experience
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