urinalsplash Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Hi folks, I am new here and hope to contribute here as well. I have a goofy one here. I'll try to sum it up. I met this girl at work. Never spoke to much but smile and a hi here and there, but we always had eyes for each other. Not to long ago we started actually speaking a little and she made the initiative to send me an email. Things took off from there, but in that email she knew I was with someone. She said she didn't care that she had to know more about me We had lunch and she wanted me to kiss her real bad. I didn't but she did laid one on me. We had another lunch, kissed more and dropped her off and kissed more. It was very heated. So I left, then decided to sneak out on the weekend to be with her. We talked and drank, couldn't keep our hands off each other. Took her home and went at it. I felt bad but of course I couldn't stop. The next day at work she gave a card expressing her feelings and said thanks for treating her so well and where have I been her whole life, she would treat me like a king...blah blah I left for a business trip and she got fired the next day, and has been stand offish since. Kept canceling and stopped responding, then didnt talk for a week, then got together and went at it again. She asked if I would break up with my lady, and I said not yet, I dont know you well enough yet, but lets see what happens. She didnt expect me to break up with my woman at first, so that threw me off. So, after that night she said she had one of the best times she has ever had and hope things work out where we can be together. She had broken up with her BF 3 weeks before seeing me. She explained that it was over, he was fat and ugly and always degraded her. I saw his picture, she wasnt kidding. So another week of silence, I text her she responds with a **** load of texts saying sorry for hows she has treated me. Wrote paragraph after paragraph on how she thinks of me day and night, sends me the picture of us and asks to talk in person. Wants to know the chances of me staying with my GF. I tell her I don't know, but they aren't looking the greatest. So i agree to talk on person and again, no response again. I text to take care that I am done playing this game. Someone please give me a clue to whats she is thinking. Thanks!
preraph Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I think she's one of those women who can't stand to be on her own for 24 hours. They can be very pushy trying to push their way into a relationship (so can men like that). I'd have my antennae up about her. It's really odd for a woman to be so forward making you kiss her as she was. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it does seem inappropriate since she knows you're with someone, on both ends, of course. She may not have any ethics. What did she get fired for?
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I don't know what she's thinking but I can tell you I'm thinking you are a cad. Stop cheating on your GF. At this point she has been fired from her job, helped a guy cheat on his GF & threw herself at him for him to tell her she's not worth breaking up with his GF on even though he's happy to continue cheating with her. If you want her, go all in. Break up with your GF & do something romantic like flowers to the girl you want. If you are not willing to do that, leave her alone. If you do want her think long & hard about why you want a girl who is such a mess that she would intentionally chase a taken guy & throw herself at him, then play games. Also figure out whether you are nothing more than a rebound plaything for her. Finally understand when your present GF finds out about all this, she will kick you to the curb. 3
Author urinalsplash Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks for the input so far. Yes, I know it isn't right to be straying like that. I have my reasons for doing this. I have talked to my gf many times about the same things over and over and it doesn't change. At the same time I have fantasized about this other girl for 8 months. I am human and make bad choices. I am not exactly happy about this either. I certainly cant leave her for the other girl that I really don't know what she is about. I am wanting the action to go along with the words. That's why I told the other woman we need to get to know each other better, and I don't mean by having sex, actually knowing her to see if this is what I really want. It's hard to explain my feelings. With or without the other girl I am still stuck between a rock and hard place. I do love her, but I am missing something. Not sure if that will change or not. I told the work girl good luck. She refused a drug test. She had taken xanax without a prescription.
The Poster Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Is this other girl really what you want? Look at her behavior. She has no problem hooking up with someone who is already in a relationship. Shes all over the map emotionally AND she just got out of a relationship herself. Remember, if they do it WITH you, they will do it TO you as well. Could you really trust her? And seriously man, break up with your current girlfriend. If it isn't working in your eyes, and now you're fooling around behind her back, why stay with her? Set her free. 1
Quiet Storm Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 When you tell your gf that things need to change and they don't, you have grounds to break up. Not cheat. Thats just allowing someone else to influence your behavior, and gives them way too much power over you. Shouldn't you have standards that you adhere to, because they reflect the kind of man you are? Why let someone else's flaws drive your decisions? You say you know it isn't right, yet you still do it. That's just an excuse. Your standards and values should remain intact, regardless of how others behave. This other girl is cool with you lying and cheating and seems to like playing games. Your gf might not be taking your concerns seriously, and that is a valid concern, but her disappointing you does not make this other girl a good person. She's getting fired, abusing prescription drugs and is OK with helping you cheat. You may have legitimate beef with your gf, but this new girl is not the answer.
Gloria25 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks for the input so far. Yes, I know it isn't right to be straying like that. I have my reasons for doing this. I have talked to my gf many times about the same things over and over and it doesn't change. At the same time I have fantasized about this other girl for 8 months. I am human and make bad choices. I am not exactly happy about this either. I certainly cant leave her for the other girl that I really don't know what she is about. I am wanting the action to go along with the words. That's why I told the other woman we need to get to know each other better, and I don't mean by having sex, actually knowing her to see if this is what I really want. It's hard to explain my feelings. With or without the other girl I am still stuck between a rock and hard place. I do love her, but I am missing something. Not sure if that will change or not. I told the work girl good luck. She refused a drug test. She had taken xanax without a prescription. Xanax? Great...sounds like someone with issues here. I'm just curious on all this 'wanting to get to know her' bit cuz so far from what you described, encounters always lead to sex. So, you wanna be like a monkey and not swing from one vine (your gf) w/o making sure another vine is there (the other woman). The bad thing about what you're doing would end up hurting both peeps - especially cuz you're sleeping with both of them. IMO, you shouldn't have slept with the OW and you need to stop leading her on. Next time be friendly and don't open up any romantic doors w/someone while you already got someone. And, think of your gf...if you're always looking for better pastures behind her back, that's not cool either.
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I certainly cant leave her for the other girl that I really don't know what she is about. You miss my fundamental point. Break up with your GF not for the other woman but because you no longer value your GF. It's not an exchange. It's time for you to be single so you can figure out what you want. It's not your GF. It may not be this other girl ('cause frankly she sounds like a train wreck) but it remains unfair for you to cheat. 1
Author urinalsplash Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Good morning, Thanks again for all your input. d0nn... I do get the point. I am hanging on hoping for that change, it may not happen but I can always hope. We all know when it comes to relationship or whatever they become, it ends up being the complicated thing there is. It messes with your mind, you don't think straight and all hell breaks loose. Trust me, after what the other girl has done, there is no way in hell I am going to be with her again. There are to many problems and besides her not being all there. She told me she didn't want to be hurt and doesn't allow guys to take her heart. She thinks of me all day and night, which I find BS, but my whole point here is not why someone would say the things they say, keep wasting their time saying it and do the complete opposite? Again, I am done with her.
BetrayedH Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 She's wishy-washy because you are wishy-washy. Why would you be surprised that she's hot and cold about her commitment to you when you're the one with a GF. Read on the "other woman" forum and you'll see a ton of women sick to death of being side-pieces and they languish from being in love with the guy one minute to hating him the next. YOU are creating this situation and then you're surprised that she's getting psycho. Grow up. Be an adult. Make a choice. You're screwing over two women here and blaming at least one of them (if not both). You're responsible for your own choices. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I have talked to my gf many times about the same things over and over and it doesn't change. So if nothing changes, then why not just break up with your girlfriend, and be free to invest your time and energy into this new girl? Or is that solution too simple for you? 1
Quiet Storm Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 She's a pill popper who can't hold a job. Stop trying to analyze her behavior. She's not a rational person. Don't expect her to make sense. 1
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