unknown249 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 A guy and I have been friends (sort of distant friends) for a very long time. Spur of the moment about a year ago we slept together and the arrangement has been sort of on and off ever since. He lived away at college which meant we could go months without seeing each other. But last month he moved back home. We have met up three times in the past week. We did agree that although we are friends, we enjoy the sex we have so we will continue to do it. But when we are together, he is incredibly touchy feely. He nudges me so he can put his arm around me and hold my hand. He will occasionally nuzzle his face into my hair whilst we are watching a movie. When we are having sex he will reach for my hand. I am happy with the way things were when they did not seem so complicated. I am writing on here to ask your advice; do you feel he is developing more feelings? Or maybe he thinks it's what I want so he is going along with it? Thank you.
Buddhist Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 (edited) But when we are together, he is incredibly touchy feely. He nudges me so he can put his arm around me and hold my hand. He will occasionally nuzzle his face into my hair whilst we are watching a movie. When we are having sex he will reach for my hand. I am happy with the way things were when they did not seem so complicated. I am writing on here to ask your advice; do you feel he is developing more feelings? Or maybe he thinks it's what I want so he is going along with it? Thank you. Don't read anything into that. You've already established your relationship with him as access to easy, emotional investment free sex. He isn't suddenly going to now become committed to you. Why would he? He can just call you up and have what he wants anyway. Why do you think guys subscribe to friendzone and ladder theories? It's not because it describes the way women think, it's because it describes how they think. You cannot cross the imaginary border now because he's already decided you aren't gf material. He's just enjoying the moment because it feels good. Thinking this is heading somewhere different is just setting yourself up for disappointment. My honest advice is to go and find a real boyfriend, then get rid of the casual arrangement. You clearly want a boyfriend not a hookup. Edited February 18, 2015 by Buddhist
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 It sounds like he has feelings for you. But, if you like the way things are, then just keep going. (I'm not sure I would bring it up unless you feel like he is wanting to.) Are you not really interested in him further than a FWB situation?
Author unknown249 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 It sounds like he has feelings for you. But, if you like the way things are, then just keep going. (I'm not sure I would bring it up unless you feel like he is wanting to.) Are you not really interested in him further than a FWB situation? Things just work the way they are. I do care about him a lot and we do have some really deep conversations. He told me once that I was his best friend... But I just don't feel it would go any further than it is now. I don't think I want it to.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I wouldn't read too much into it. I guess it IS possible he could be developing feelings for you. But if you are good friends with each other it might be more of a friendly gesture (especially since you guys are having sex).
preraph Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 You're that close, so ask him. Tell him it seems to you that he is being boyfriendy to you and see what he says.
Mr.D.E.B.T. Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 You are wasting your time by sleeping with him. Why not put more effort into getting to know someone that you actually want to be with? It doesn't matter if he is catching feelings or not. You don't want to be with him, so move on.
Author unknown249 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 You're that close, so ask him. Tell him it seems to you that he is being boyfriendy to you and see what he says. Not so long back, he called off the sex because he said he didn't want to complicate things. I respected it, went round his house to get my things the following afternoon, and I ended up staying there all night. And yes, we did end up having sex again that evening. I would quite willingly have asked him directly rather than coming on here... But I feel it's something he's a bit touchy about at the moment. I don't really want to jeopardise things by bringing it up I suppose.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 You are wasting your time by sleeping with him. Why not put more effort into getting to know someone that you actually want to be with? It doesn't matter if he is catching feelings or not. You don't want to be with him, so move on. Um it sounds like the OP is OK with the FWB arrangement... Why toss it away if it's what she wants?
Revan32 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Don't read anything into that. You've already established your relationship with him as access to easy, emotional investment free sex. He isn't suddenly going to now become committed to you. Why would he? He can just call you up and have what he wants anyway. Why do you think guys subscribe to friendzone and ladder theories? It's not because it describes the way women think, it's because it describes how they think. You cannot cross the imaginary border now because he's already decided you aren't gf material. He's just enjoying the moment because it feels good. Thinking this is heading somewhere different is just setting yourself up for disappointment. My honest advice is to go and find a real boyfriend, then get rid of the casual arrangement. You clearly want a boyfriend not a hookup. I don't think you read what she said very well. He's doing some very intimate boyfriend actions, while she wants to keep things casual. So saying that she shouldn't read into his actions doesn't make a lot of sense. You sound like you have a lot of issues with guys, because you automatically made this the guy's fault. She's the one keeping her distance. Believe it or not, guys can form feelings when having sex. And girls can just want to keep a guy around to have someone to fool around with. Don't make friends with benefits just a guy idea.
Revan32 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Um it sounds like the OP is OK with the FWB arrangement... Why toss it away if it's what she wants? Lol I think no one is getting that she's the one not wanting commitment. Half the posters are just rearing to blame the guy.
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