Almost Three Years Later (Or ... How to Move Forward) Updated

[elle7]

(I apologize in advance for double-posting here and on the breakup forum. Just wanted to get as much input as possible )

 

My ex and I broke up almost 3 years ago. Long story short, we dated for about 3.5 years and we broke up when I found out he got a phone number from some girl he met at an airport during a layover. Since then, he had travelled to visit this person to fulfill his own wish to sleep with her, stopped talking to her, and has been experimenting with open/poly relationship with many other girls. I went through (suicidal) depression, kept in contact, and slept with him on multiple occasions while he was chasing after all these other women.

 

Two and a half years after the breakup, I finally decided to stop reaching out last July. I had a voicemail from him once in October when my credit card company called him regarding my account (I really thought I got rid of him as a secondary contact on EVERYTHING) and that was the last I heard from him.

 

They said no contact will help you heal. Yet here I am, still thinking about him everyday, either wishing I would hear from him or raging thinking of all the things he said and done. Admittedly, I am in a better place and the depression is more manageable with yoga, workout, counseling, and work. Nonetheless, there are still days that I want to just curl up in bed wishing all the memories and pain will go away.

 

How do you cope with a broken heart? How do you trust yourself and regain self-esteem when someone you counted on, someone who thought loved you, turned around and told you, "it's not worth it," and decides that there are all these other women out there that are more worthy of his time and energy?

 

I had gone on a few dates since we broke up and at one point even tried to start multiple causal relationships but quickly realized it isn't what I want. I want to be at a better place before I start dating again but the past has such a strong hold on me. I thought I'd get there by now, if not closer, after haven't seen or spoken to him for six months. (Also, online dating is rather discouraging when most of the messages are from creepers or old, old men. And no, I did not post pictures with my boobs falling out of my shirt on any online dating sites.)

 

I would greatly appreciate anyone who shares their thoughts and experience on how they successfully overcome their own sadness and move on to a happier life (+/- a new partner).

Edited February 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fixing first post to exact duplicate due to more info.

[Tolu2d]

I think it's fairly normal to have feelings after such a long time, and it shows how strongly you can love.

 

I remember my first love well, and that was 3 years ago and I still have intense feelings for her. Taking another girls number was a massive dick move on his part, but I'm guilty of doing things like that.

 

I'd go at least 3 months of no-contact and see how you feel.

[Kinetica84]

You have to change your thinking. Easier said than done I know. Live now, focus on now. The past doesn't exist. We only occupy this precise moment in time.

 

My ex cheated on me and im only 5 months post break up. However there is no way I will allow to dictate my life by wasting thoughts on her

 

Watch this. It really helped me. It's about to focus your mind to appreciate now and letting go of the past.

http://youtu.be/KopmSpe33Eg

[d0nnivain]

You look at all your good qualities & the things that make you a good SO. You remind yourself that he gave those up to pursue this open / poly thing. You remind yourself that was his choice & one person's opinion does not define you.