zxrdude Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Hello I was with a girl for four years. Lived together for 2 years. And spent almost every single day together literally we did everything together. We knew every single thing about each other inside and out We have been broken up for about 5 months with no type of any contact I still see her around sometimes (in traffic or at the gas station but no contact). It was a rough break up. Towards the end of our relationship she started seeing another man behind my back and playing mind games with me I caught them at a park while I was in my friends car on the way to the beach(who she has been in a relationship with since) I found out they even got an apartment together and love each other. The first 2 months were hard I was pretty depressed. But then I met another girl towards the end of the 2nd month and had a short lived relationship with for about a month. Being with this other girl made me miss my ex even more it was to soon and she wasn't the right one she wasn't my ex. I've had hook ups since then but not another relationship. I'm not really depressed anymore. I can go on with my life go out have fun and enjoy it for the most part. But I still think about this girl everyday. I don't want her back I'm happy that she is happy with who she is with. it's just I have regrets with some of the things I've done and said to her which is what is really bothering me I can't forgive myself. I've used deep personal sensitive things against her in arguments and have said some really **** up **** I just can't get over it. Another thing is I kinda let my own insecurities ruin the relationship we had and not being able to let go of the past (Her having sex with another guy while we were separated for a month) So it is pretty much my fault why we broke up because I pushed her away and that is something that I also can't get over. Any advice?
LivinDeadGrl Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it probably isn't your fault you broke up. She was seeing him before you two were officially done. I don't think you're completely over it if you're still feeling this way. Try going out with friends and keeping busy.
jus d'orange Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I promise you that it's not "pretty much your fault." A relationship is made up of two people, and there was a lot in your short post that was completely out of your control. Her getting together with another guy before you two were officially done was absolutely her choice and made you feel terrible, I'm sure. It's very difficult to stop blaming oneself after the end of a relationship. I'm aware of this; I know that my ex wronged me and have had good friends tell me so, but I still struggle against blaming myself for everything. I recommend that if you're still struggling with this months later, you seek some professional counselling on the matter. Self-blame and guilt should not become a part of your self-image after this relationship, and learning from the mistakes you did make can only be done if you can remove the heavy emotions from the matter. At the end of a relationship in the past, I threatened to hurt myself, said some stuff I really regretted. I would still undo those things if I could, but I can't. I don't feel guilt over them anymore, because all I can affect is the future, and during my most recent breakup, I didn't do these things because I had had time to reflect upon them without beating myself up over them. You can make a similar progress in your behaviour in relationships, but you will first have to give up the guilt and shame. This won't just help in your relationships, but in your life as a whole.
ggas Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Guilt is an awful sensation. It really is. But keep in mind that this is a consequence of a high level of empathy which is a sign of emotional inteligence. Of course this alone will not help you much. But to be honest there s not much else that helps. Think of it this way (that s what I do). You did all those things AS A CONSEQUENCE of her behaviour too. Sleeping with another guy after a one month separation is certainly gonna make every guy s head spin a bit. If she left and blamed it all on you then maybe she s not the awesome girl you think she is. I mean a decent responsible HUMAN will assume part of the blame because... you know... it takes TWO to tango. My ex (with whom I lived together for 1 year) replaced me with her ex (in a matter of days) and when we broke up she said it is because I am not a leader (wasn t controling enough) and she is afraid our babies will be weak people. So basicaly she told me I am not a real man (or something like that). One month later my head is still spinning and I am passing through an identity crisis. But you know what I realized? If she truly loved me as she claimed then she would ve communicated with me on issues not hit me like that out of the blue. So again, if your ex made you feel like it s all your fault. Trust me. IT S NOT! Sure you did some things wrong. I would be SUPER shocked to find out she was the perfect gf or human for that matter. Try thinking of things that annoyed you about her and that you know for sure she did wrong. That s what I am trying to do. Take care
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